From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

Kerry Kennedy testified in New York that she accidentally took an Ambien before she passed out and crashed her car into a truck. She reminded the jury of her family’s distinguished past. No one can deny the Kennedys are America’s first family of impaired driving.

Attorney General Eric Holder was reported feeling fine after he was briefly hospitalized when he suffered a dizzy spell. His work never ends. Next month he will attend baseball’s Opening Day in Washington where he’s scheduled to throw out the first amendment.

Hillary Clinton’s health came under question as reporters sought medical records of her home accident last year. She got dizzy, passed out and hit her head on Bill’s desk on the way down. It was an oddity; most women hit their heads on Bill’s desk on the way up.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated by a Russian world peace group as a candidate for this fall’s Nobel Peace Prize awarded in Oslo. It could happen. Vladimir Putin’s chances of winning are good because his strategy is to have all the other nominees killed.

Secretary of State John Kerry went on Meet the Press Sunday and chastised the Russians for breaking three different international treaties by seizing the Crimea from Ukraine. White House response was swift and angry. President Obama just threatened to unfriend Putin on Facebook.

Ukrainian fighter jets turned back Russian jets that strayed into Ukraine airspace after Ukraine lost Crimea. It gets worse. President Obama announced that the White House is setting up a website where Ukrainians can sign up for military assistance under ObamaWar.

The White House weighed options on how to isolate Russia over the invasion of Ukraine. The situation gets more dangerous daily. As a last resort, President Obama could always declare Russia to be a conservative political action group, and let the IRS take them out.

Obama sent his proposed annual budget to Congress on Tuesday. It spelled out the White House agenda. If you’re a gay Mexican marijuana grower who snuck across the border for a free hernia operation so you could join the U.S. Navy, this is the best year of your life.

IRS official Lois Lerner refused to answer questions in Congress about the IRS targeting Tea Party groups. It’s murky from here. The IRS just offered the Mafia total immunity if the mobsters will carefully explain to the agency exactly how this Fifth Amendment thing works.

Live Science released a study showing one American in seven cannot read. The lack of interest in reading is alarming. Only forty-six percent of Americans read a book last year, and it looks even worse when you hear it was the instruction manual to Grand Theft Auto Five.

The Academy Awards aired live on ABC from the Dolby Theater on Hollywood Boulevard and drew huge TV ratings. One thing never changes year after year. It’s hilarious how Oscar winners always look up to the rafters to thank God as if God couldn’t get better seats.

Governor Jerry Brown refused to endorse a petition to put legalizing marijuana on the California ballot. They need a million signatures. They’re having trouble getting enough signatures on the petitions because the gatherers keep forgetting where they left the petitions.

Hillary Clinton said she’d be glad to alter Obamacare to improve it. Congress is in a standoff. Many people are hoping for the Democratic leaders to cave in, but if you’re waiting for Nancy Pelosi to blink you may have to wait awhile, it may not be technically possible.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store