The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store

By Argus Hamilton ·
https://patriotpost.us/opinion/24584-from-the-comedy-store-2014-04-05

President Obama spoke to cheering college students in Ann Arbor Wednesday about the importance of raising the minimum wage. It was a lovefest. College students identify most with President Obama because most of them are also in their sixth year and hopelessly in debt.

The U.S. Supreme Court voted Wednesday to eliminate the limits on campaign donations to multiple candidates and political groups. Reaction was swift. MSNBC called for revolution, Fox News reported the stock market surge, and at CNN they threw paper airplanes around the studio to re-create the flight pattern of the Malaysian airliner, followed by expert commentary.

Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said in Paris that Ukraine cannot survive as a unified state. However he insisted that Russia has no desire to invade. Those Russian tanks approaching the eastern border of Ukraine are just part of the Olympic closing ceremony.

Moscow businesses and restaurants posted signs on their doors announcing sanctions on President Obama . The signs refuse to allow Obama to enter. So far no golf courses in Russia have posted the sign so the sanctions haven’t hit the president where they could cause real pain.

Obama in a speech urged Russia to respect the rights of gays and minorities and immigrants. He leads by example. As long as Barack Obama sits in the Oval Office, every American regardless of race, creed, or sexual orientation will be spied on equally.

Obama visited Rome where he held a joint press conference with Italy’s prime minister before driving across town to met with Pope Francis. The president could hardly contain his joy when he walked into the Vatican. He thought the sign said Vacation.

Obama said he and Pope Francis discussed income inequality in their meeting. However, the pope said they argued over religious liberty. The question is, whom do you believe – the man recognized by his flock as the Vicar of Christ and infallible, or the pope?

Taco Bell launched a major ad campaign for its new breakfast menu starring its new Waffle Burrito. It’s a waffle dipped in syrup packed with cheese and bacon and eggs. In striking contrast to her husband, Michelle Obama came right out and called it an act of war.

A Washington D.C. judge gave the guy who fired eight shots at the White House three years ago twenty-five years in prison. His lawyer had asked for ten years. The argument was, the shooting occurred miles from the nearest golf course, so the president was never in any danger.

The Nobel Prize committee refused to rescind Vladimir Putin’s Nobel Peace Prize nomination after he seized Crimea. On the surface it’s surreal. People were shocked Vladimir Putin was nominated until they found out the head of the nominating committee is Kim Jung Un.

The Wall Street Journal added an obituary page to highlight the careers of the great men of the New York Stock Exchange. They listed three deaths Monday. The first guy had cancer at seventy, the second had a heart attack at eighty and the third guy had General Motors at ninety.

President Obama congratulated the Boston Red Sox for their World Series title at the White House. The team is famous for its look. There was a big delay getting into the building because they had to prove to the Secret Service they were not the cast of Duck Dynasty.

Cal Tech astronomers announced they have discovered a new planet in our solar system located far beyond Pluto and named it after Joe Biden. What an honor. It’s probably to keep people from always asking astronomers if there’s any form of intelligent life on the planet.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton