The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Joe Biden addressed the country of Ukraine in a pep talk. He told Ukrainians to stand firm, that they won’t walk alone, and he urged them to walk knowing we are walking with them. This is usually the point in Joe’s act when he notices that everyone is in a wheelchair.
Barack Obama was at a robot factory in Japan and saw a humanoid robot. The robot obeys every command. Not to be outdone, President Obama conducted an impromptu press conference for Washington D.C. reporters and the robot engineers walked away impressed.
The Powerball Lottery announced one winning ticket in last week’s drawing worth one hundred and fifty million dollars. The winner is a guy in Florida. As to how much in taxes he owes, the IRS says it’s too early to say because they can’t tell if he’s a Democrat or a Republican.
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced plans for the city to build the Barack Obama College Preparatory High School that opens in three years. The school is already plagued with problems. People are trying to enroll their kids in the school, but the website’s not working.
Arbor Day was celebrated last week which is the day Americans appreciate trees and the U.S. pioneers who planted trees as they came west. Trees naturally bring Al Gore to mind. Al Gore will always be a inspiration to every American who ever suffered from Dutch Elm Disease.
The University of California at Riverside was named the top college in the country by the Obama Administration with UC San Diego second. The honor is based on two criteria. It’s given to the school that’s deepest in debt and has the best year-round weather for the golf team.
John Boehner urged House Republicans to pass GOP immigration reform bill. In the GOP plan anyone here over five years stays, and those here between two and five years are guest workers. Immigrants who’ve been here less than two years will be right back with your entrees.
U.S. Postal Service workers protested a program to create postal centers in Staples stores using store employees, not postal workers. The push is on to cut costs. Last year the Postal Service lost six billion dollars, making it the most profitable branch of the U.S. government by far.
Taco Bell reported huge sales of their new Waffle Breakfast Tacos in April. It’s a socially conscious company. Last year Taco Bell pulled lion meat tacos from their menu after PETA protested, however the lions announced they will continue to eat humans every chance they get.
Prince George’s photograph appeared on the cover of Us Weekly looking adorable at nine months. He looked great on the newsstands. The adoration was near unanimous, however the Kardashian baby flew into a jealous rage while the Clinton fetus fired its publicist.
L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling was caught on tape telling his girlfirend not to bring black people to his games. Fans were angry and puzzled. If Donald Sterling really had that much of a problem with black people, you’d think he would have bought a hockey team instead.
Hillary Clinton said older women can still make a difference in politics. She said she doesn’t know if she’ll run for president. With three hundred million Americans, what are the odds she’s the only one in the country who doesn’t know she’s running for president in 2016.
North Korea’s Kim Jung Un decided to play nice and not set off nuclear tests while Barack Obama was visiting in South Korea. After all, they both love NBA basketball. The North Korean dictator has a gentle side. He looks at Dennis Rodman as the uncle he never killed.
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