The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
The Supreme Court ruled President Obama can’t make recess appointments while the U.S. Senate is still in session. As the head of the executive branch, it’s now President Obama’s duty to enforce the ruling against President Obama. You’d have better luck ordering him to putt out.
Kim Jung Un threatened to go to war with the U.S. over the Seth Rogan movie comedy The Interview about an attempt to assassinate North Korea’s dictator. The country is set to mobilize. Kim Jung Un was just promoted to North Korea’s highest military rank, five-foot-four.
IRS Commissioner John Koskinen admitted that Lois Lerner’s missing e-mails look suspicious. They’d reveal if she targeted conservatives at White House request. Lois swears that this is the last time she trusts the baggage handlers at Malaysian Airlines with her laptop.
Amy Adams gave up her first class seat to a U.S. serviceman on a Detroit to L.A. flight and took his seat in coach. What a nice moment. He had just returned from Afghanistan and she’d just gotten out of Detroit, and they were both positively giddy with survivor’s elation.
Iraq was aided by Syrian attacks on Sunni insurgents and by Iran who rushed supplies to Baghdad. Iraqi morale is very low. Iraq’s dream of winning the World Cup ended during the first match of the qualifying round when the team threw off their uniforms and fled.
Los Angeles went into official mourning after Mexico lost to the Netherlands in the World Cup elimination round in Brazil. The stadium in Rio held over sixty thousand Mexican nationals cheering on their team. This proves a huge point: They can go south as well.
Belgium’s soccer team defeated the U.S. soccer team in the knockout round game in the Amazon Basin in Brazil. We’re still trying to get a firm grasp of the sport. Forty thousand U.S. soccer fans are still sitting in the stadium waiting for the fourth quarter to start.
The Washington Post reported Bill Clinton earned over one hundred million in speaking fees since he left office. He bragged he gives five-hundred-fifty dollar Shinola watches to his friends. Giving Chinese watches to billionaires is Bill’s way of dealing with income inequality.
Hillary Clinton compared the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court ruling to societies like Saudi Arabia controlling women to men’s benefit. It upheld a law Bill Clinton signed into law. The Saudis love Bill Clinton because they think he’s the only American who’s allowed dozens of wives.
The Washington Redskins refused tribal calls to change the team name. Some teams are shifting. The Cleveland Indians announced they are going to keep their name but they are going to change the team mascot for the Indians from Chief Wahoo to a Microsoft tech-support operator.
Mexico apologized for its army helicopter that strayed over the U.S. border and fired at U.S. border agents. We wouldn’t shoot it down. The helicopter is under eighteen years old, and no one wants to go through the hassle of reuniting the chopper with its family of Apaches in the U.S.
The White House vowed faster deportation of illegal immigrants in the wake of the invasion of Central American kids. Nothing works. Last year, the U.S. began flying illegal aliens to Mexico, then they used their frequent flyer miles to get a free flight back to San Diego.
House Speaker John Boehner confirmed to reporters he intends to file a lawsuit in D.C. court against President Obama. It’s a huge surprise that the Speaker is suing the president. It had never occurred to anyone that Barack Obama might own a tanning parlor near Capitol Hill.
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