From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

The National Security Council met in the White House Monday to discuss the Palestinian and Israeli conflict raging into its third week. We may get involved at the highest level. President Obama is keen to fly to Israel and play the new two-thousand-hole golf course in Gaza.

John Kerry returned to Washington from brokering peace talks between the two sides in the war in Gaza. He’s really done a remarkable thing, he’s gotten the Israelis and Palestinians to reach an accord. They have agreed to stop shooting at each other and unite to shoot at Kerry.

The White House warned Israel it risks loss of its alliance with the U.S. over their criticism of John Kerry’s tactics in peace talks. He decided to bring in Turkey and Qatar to the peace table and they’re anti-Israel. John Kerry couldn’t stop a ketchup fight at the Heinz family picnic.

Vladimir Putin offered to personally mediate the conflict between Israel and Gaza to stop the war. Both parties should beware. Putin may try to introduce PutinCare as part of the peace settlement, and under PutinCare, if he likes your country he gets to keep your country.

Joe Biden encouraged Ukrainians to vote in their upcoming parliamentary elections this coming month. He offered U.S. millions to help Ukraine as long as Ukrainian leaders tackle corruption. Let’s face it, if anything will stop corruption, it’s bribing someone to stop corruption.

Obama’s approval rating fell to thirty-nine percent in a Gallup poll. The reasons listed include the IRS scandal, illegal immigration, and foreign policy chaos. In news that Americans are actually following, sources report that Casey Kasem is dead, but improving.

San Francisco Airport Police arrested a man who dressed up as a TSA agent and groped women as they came through the security checkpoint. The man’s breathalyzer test indicated he was drunk. His behavior was so outrageous that the TSA hired him on the spot.

USA Today profiled the coyotes who are escorting illegal children from Central America to the U.S. Each coyotes is making fifty thousand dollars a week. The White House plans to factor that number into the employment report to show that illegal aliens don’t depress wages.

California Governor Jerry Brown flew to Mexico City for a summit with the president of Mexico. He said he wants California to be a welcoming place for Mexicans. If they’ll each bring ten gallons of water to California with them, the reservoirs will be full by September.

Obama ripped U.S. companies who partner with companies in other countries to take advantage of lower taxes overseas. He wants to end the loophole for companies and keep them inside the U.S. Republicans believe in border control to keep Mexican citizens from arriving, and Democrats believe in border control to keep American companies from escaping.

Mayor Rahm Emanuel invited illegal immigrants who are pouring into the U.S. to come to Chicago. What a great idea. The illegal aliens are fleeing violence, drug wars and bloodshed and what they are clearly missing in life is violence, drug wars, bloodshed and freezing winters.

Obama returned to work in the Oval Office Sunday after a week in Washington state and California raising money for the Democrats. He’s now spoken at four hundred fundraisers since he became president. It’s absolutely amazing he can find the time to play golf.

Geraldo Rivera accused the Drudge Report of trying to start a civil war over the illegal alien crisis. The reporter can be a real irritant. During the Iraq War, Geraldo was one of only four people asked by the U.S. Army to leave Iraq, the other three being Saddam Hussein and his sons.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store