From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

Barack Obama laid out his ISIS strategy to the nation. So far he’s vowed to make ISIS more manageable, he’s threatened to degrade ISIS, he’s promised to destroy ISIS. When asked if Obama was sending mixed messages to ISIS, the White House replied, yes and no.

The White House said Monday it’s going to bomb ISIS oil trucks on the roads of Iraq while they are en route to black market oil depots. Is it possible for the U.S. government to keep anything a secret? We are the only country that sends out a Save the Date before we invade you.

The U.S. Senate dragged Sectretary of State John Kerry through the wringer over whether the U.S. is at war. Last week he said the U.S. isn’t at war with ISIS and the next day he admitted we are. John Kerry told the Senate it doesn’t matter, it just feels great to be flip-flopping again.

Ukraine began building a wall on its east and southern border. The White House gave them the money. The good news for Republicans is that Obama has finally built a border wall. The bad news is, it’s to keep the Mexicans from even considering going to Ukraine.

Bill Clinton and George W. Bush spoke onstage together at the Newseum in Washington to launch a scholarship program. They have a great act. George W. Bush talks about the importance of faith and family for thirty minutes and then Bill Clinton delivers the rebuttal.

The White House said Obama won’t be campaigning for Democratic U.S. Senate candidates in the South because it might hurt their chances to win. It’s the polls. Obama’s latest approval numbers are so low that his new Secret Service code name is Congress.

Senate Democrats vowed to take action to further ease the burden of college loans on U.S. college grads. The college loan program is helping to inspire a new generation of Americans. Forty percent of college kids in a new poll said when they graduate they want to be loan sharks.

The Mars Curiosity Rover finally made it to Mt. Sharp two years after a spacecraft landed the rover on the Red Planet. That’s the destination point. It took the Mars Curiosity Rover two years to travel five miles, making it by far the fastest government project in existence.

Hillary Clinton told Democrats at the Iowa steak fry she’s thinking about running for president. The suspense is killing everybody. Hillary Clinton is thinking about running for president the same way my dog’s thinking about eating the bacon I’m holding up in front of him.

Obama was reportedly set Monday to announce a plan to battle the spread of Ebola. The fear is it will mutate and become airborne. We should all relax because every American infected by the Ebola virus is being treated in a government-run facility, like the DMV.

Congress is trying to agree on a stop-gap supplemental budget before the fall recess. No one wants another shutdown. Roads won’t be repaired, home loans won’t be approved and officials won’t be reachable by phone, and that’s if we can keep the government up and running.

South Carolina U.S. Congressman Mark Sanford called off his engagement to the Brazilian lady for whom he left his wife when he was governor. His ex-wife says he was on prescription drugs and alcohol when he cheated. The voters heard enough and sent him straight to Congress.

Joe Biden apologized for referring to loan companies as Shylocks in an Iowa speech and was quickly forgiven by the Anti-Defamation League. We owe him. Back when Americans were too scared of being labeled a racist to tell Obama jokes, Joe Biden was always there for us.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store