The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Hong Kong students skipped classes and marched in protest demanding democratic elections like we have in the United States. Relations are tricky between Hong Kong and the United States. It’s a self-ruling former British colony that’s owned by China, and so is Hong Kong.
The Pentagon announced it’ll allow illegal aliens to serve in the U.S. military to help battle terrorists. Admission is easy. They must have come to the U.S. by age sixteen and have unique skills needed by the U.S. military, skills like knowing the easiest way to invade the U.S. undetected.
The U.S. Census Bureau set off a firestorm when it announced that the incomes of non-citizens went up fifteen times faster than the incomes of citizens in the last year in the United States. Reaction was volcanic. Citizens are now demanding a pathway to non-citizenship.
John Boehner said U.S. troops in Iraq could destroy ISIS, disregarding any chances of a long and protracted war. The past is never over. It must have been really awkward when they handed out celebratory cigars to Bill and Hillary Clinton after Chelsea gave birth.
The New York Post ran photos of Bill and Hillary Clinton holding their new grand-baby. Their joy was apparent. Chelsea gave birth to a baby girl in New York City and Hillary said she couldn’t be happier, unless it were a Latina girl in a swing state like Colorado.
The White House repeated no U.S. ground forces in Syria after the Pentagon said they may be needed. Some U.S. allies bomb ISIS in Syria, some bomb ISIS only in Iraq. We finally have a name for the military campaign against ISIS, it’s called Operation Making It Up as We Go Along.
The Economist ran a cover photo of Barack Obama wearing the same flight suit George W. Bush wore eleven years ago aboard the USS Lincoln. Let’s guess the rest. Obama’s standing in front of that same banner, but instead of Mission Accomplished it says Muslims Accommodated.
The Secret Service was dragged over the coals in Congress over security at the Executive Mansion. The last breach may get them all fired. This morning an ice cream truck driver leaped over the White House fence and handed Sasha and Malia Obama unhealthy treats.
The Secret Service admitted last week’s White House fence jumper made it much further into the mansion than reported. The president has one question. If the intruder got into the White House kitchen and poured sugar on everything, how quietly can he be pardoned?
A Dallas hospital announced it has placed the Ebola patient under tight quarantine after he returned there with more obvious symptoms. The emergency room doctors had sent the guy home even after he said he’d been in Liberia. Who’s in charge of the hospital, the Secret Service?
Attorney General Eric Holder announced he’s stepping down as head of the Justice Department after six years in office. He was censured by Congress. As for future plans, the attorney general said he’s thinking about going into something new, perhaps law enforcement.
Denver Airport passengers were reported highly satisfied with the TSA’s pilot passenger screening program using bomb sniffing dogs. Everyone made it through security in just two minutes each. It’s going so well that United Airlines may waive its fifteen dollar molestation fee.
Paula Deen launched her cooking network with a seventy-five million-dollar stake from investment bankers. Last year’s controversy scared off sponsors. Walmart ended all its ties with Paula Deen because they were afraid she might recruit their slaves to work her weddings.
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