The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store

By Argus Hamilton ·
https://patriotpost.us/opinion/32083-from-the-comedy-store-2015-01-03

Obama enjoyed a round of golf in Hawaii on Christmas day with the prime minister of Malaysia. They rented carts, played a round and had lunch and drinks afterwards. The prime minister wanted to pick up the check, but Obama would not hear of it and charged it to our grandchildren.

Obama’s Secret Service detail told two U.S. Army officers to relocate their wedding ceremony at a golf club in Hawaii to accommodate his golf round. He’s not all about golf. Last April when Obama got word that Russia seized the Crimea, he asked the next three groups if he could play through.

In the midst of rising U.S. national debt, urban unrest and foreign cyber-attacks, the president got some great news. The IRS just ruled he can write off the first half of his second term as a total loss.

U.S. and British troops lowered their flags at Afghanistan forts and prepared to leave the country after thirteen years of war. The White House says we’re pulling out even though we’re leaving ten thousand troops in. We don’t have a Mideast policy so much as we have a rhythm method.

Sony released The Interview to three hundred movie theaters Christmas Day where thousands of people showed up to defy Kim Jung Un’s terror threats. The dictator takes his image very seriously. Kim puts rubber suction cups on the back of all his military medals so he can wear them in the bathtub.

The FBI was briefed by cyber-security detectives at Norse who’ve been investigating the Sony hacking for three weeks. Norse said the hacking was the work of a laid-off Sony employee, not North Korea. We should’ve believed Kim Jung Un last week when he said he’s still using Windows XP.

Pope Francis in his Christmas message called upon countries in the Middle East to strive to work together for a lasting peace in the New Year. He has really got the magic touch. The Middle East has just agreed to send diplomats to the U.S. to try to negotiate a halt to the rioting and shooting in the U.S.

Queen Elizabeth in her Christmas message called for peaceful reconciliation. She told how one hundred years ago during World War I, British and German troops called a Christmas Day cease-fire, left the trenches and exchanged gifts in No Man’s Land. Unmoved, Al Sharpton said no dice.

Ebola researchers in Atlanta allowed the virus to be handled in an unsecured lab and possibly infected a technician. U.S. authorities have been resolute in intercepting, isolating and attacking Ebola since it came to the U.S. from Africa. It’s just a matter of time before Al Sharpton is fighting for its rights.

The Chicago Bears, the Atlanta Falcons and New York Jets fired their head coaches after they failed to make the playoffs. Some of these jobs are like revolving doors. It’s hard to say which position has worse job security – coach of the Chicago Bears or second-in-command of Al-Qaeda.

The National College Players Association demanded that college football players be paid and accused schools of raking in six billion dollars under the guise of amateurism. You can’t pay college football players. It will ruin the innocence of the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl.

USA Today reported that a woman in San Luis Valley in Colorado gave birth to one of the heaviest babies ever born in the U.S. The baby weighed thirteen pounds and thirteen ounces. To give you an idea of how big the baby was, when the mother’s water broke FEMA showed up.

Russia’s Vladimir Putin was voted Most Interesting Man in Russia a month after Forbes named him the Most Powerful Man in the World. He cultivates a macho image. Last night Vladimir Putin struck and killed a deer and he said he feels awful about it, but when he’s jogging he’s in his own world.

© Copyright 2015 Argus Hamilton