The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
NBC News anchor Brian Williams admitted he wasn’t in a U.S. Army helicopter in Iraq that was shot down by enemy fire twelve years ago as he’s claimed. It wasn’t true at all. NBC is considering improving the credibility of the NBC Nightly News by replacing Brian Williams with Lance Armstrong.
Williams apologized after it was revealed he was not aboard a U.S. helicopter shot down in Iraq twelve years ago, as he’d recounted ever since. It was an honest mistake. Brian confused the helicopter crash in Iraq with the helicopter crash he was in the night he killed bin Laden.
Obama claimed in his Grammy Awards commercial that forty million U.S. women have been sexually assaulted. However, police statistics show the number is two million. If found to be making up stories, Obama could get two-to-five years as anchor of the NBC Nightly News.
John Boehner announced that Pope Francis will address a joint session of Congress this fall during a stopover in Washington D.C. He will be in town for a day. Pope Francis is expected to get together with Obama, even though neither one likes the other’s holier-than-thou attitude.
Sony Studios chief Amy Pascal resigned in the wake of hacked emails which revealed Amy joking to a producer via email that Obama’s likely favorite movie is Twelve Years a Slave. She knew the law. In Hollywood it is a sin punishable by public flogging to draw cartoons of the Prophet Obama.
National Security Advisor Susan Rice said ISIS does not pose an existential threat. And neither does al-Qaeda, al-Qaeda of Yemen, the Muslim Brotherhood, lawless Libya, Iran if it gets a nuclear bomb or Pakistan with a nuclear bomb. The Middle East isn’t a theater of war, it’s a multi-plex.
Obama met with reporters in the White House after video of the ISIS execution of the Jordanian pilot aired but Obama refused to call the killers radical Islamists. In an off choice of words, the president did call ISIS the network of death. Apparently he never heard of Blue Cross of California.
The White House denied that last month’s al-Qaeda attack on a Paris deli was targeted at Jews until hours later when they finally admitted it was an anti-Semitic attack. We all know the White House. Their first instinct was to blame the attack on a YouTube video making fun of corned beef.
Obama held a press conference at the White House with German Chancellor Angela Merkel to discuss the crisis in Ukraine. The president was clearly pleased to see the German Chancellor. He loves the chance to match the face to the voice he hears on the NSA wiretaps every day.
Pentagon officials were reported discussing the possibility of talking to Congress about the possibility of bringing back the draft if boots are needed on the ground to defeat ISIS. There would be the usual exemptions. For the second time in his life, Bruce Jenner could find himself to be a role model.
Washington D.C. is being ordered to convert to lower wattage light bulbs in their street lamps to save energy, cut back on greenhouse gas emissions and help protect the earth’s ozone layer. The EPA is forcing the nation to convert to dimmer bulbs. Joe Biden may be an idea whose time has come.
Charles Manson broke off his engagement to his L.A. fiancee after learning she planned to claim his body when he dies, display it in a glass case and sell the public tickets to see it. You couldn’t make it up. What does it say about L.A. women when Charles Manson is the voice of reason in the relationship.
The Pentagon’s budget revealed it spent five hundred thousand dollars on Viagra for U.S. soldiers and officers last year for whom it’s prescribed by a doctor. Those are for planned invasions. Another half milion went for Cialis and Levitra, so we can invade somebody whenever the mood is right.
© Copyright 2015 Argus Hamilton