From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

Barack Obama met Latin American leaders at the Inter-American Conference in Panama. They love him down there. A poll in Cuba last week shows that Obama is more popular than Fidel Castro, but then so is loading your entire family on a raft in the middle of the night.

Obama conceded on NPR that Iran could build a nuclear weapon in thirteen years. However, he assured the American people that Iran will get no nuclear weapons on his watch. Obama just assumes that nobody will care whether they live or die once he’s no longer in office.

Joe Biden put a baby pacifier in his mouth at the British Embassy after Mike Bloomberg was knighted. He pulled the pacifier out of Bloomberg’s grandson’s mouth, put it in his mouth and posed for TV cameras. Last night Joe Biden’s train of thought was derailed and there were no survivors.

Ted Cruz raised thirty million dollars last week indicating the GOP donors will spend big on this group of candidates. Last month, Jeb Bush had dinner with Wall Streeters and raised ten million dollars.The next morning Donald Trump had breakfast by himself and raised a hundred million dollars.

Hillary Clinton’s numbers started sliding in Iowa in polls posing a match-up between her and GOP candidates. She’s leased her headquarters, she’s raised millions, she’s recruited caucus supporters in Iowa, but she made one mistake. She forgot to announce that she’s running for president.

Clinton announced her candidacy Sunday for the Democratic nomination for president of the United States in a ninety-second online video. Her political liabilities are as well known as her assets. Clinton has tremendous name recognition, and if she can overcome that, she could win.

Clinton spoke to the concerns of everyday Americans in a campaign video Monday. She mentioned the gays and lesbians and transgenders, but she made no mention at all of al-Qaeda. Until al-Qaeda registers in California as a sexual preference, Democrats are going to pretend they don’t exist.

Clinton toured Kirkwood Community College in Iowa where the school placed all the students on lockdown when Hillary arrived. The candidate insisted. Ever since someone explained to her that a smartphone can take a video and put it on YouTube she refuses to go out in public.

Clinton’s luxury campaign van rolled into Iowa and in her first campaign stop she ordered lunch at Chipotle’s. In full view of the restaurnat security cameras, Hillary ordered a bean burrito bowl, salsa and chips and didn’t leave a tip. It’s never too early to lock down the Hispanic vote.

Chicago federal agents arrested a man at O'Hare Airport after he flew home from the Middle East where he had tried to join the ISIS terrorist group in Iraq but failed. They wouldn’t even let him in the door. ISIS is trying to win a war and they don’t want any Cubs fans bringing them any curses.

A Secret Service agent was arrested by DC cops for destruction of property, a month after drunken agents crashed a White House barricade. For two years it’s been all drinking, hookers and car crashes. At the Kennedy Honors in December the Secret Service will be named honorary Kennedys.

Attorney General Eric Holder sent a letter to all Justice Department workers this week ordering them not to hire prostitutes. Enough’s enough. If they want sleazy people to do unspeakable acts in exchange for cold hard cash, they can get the toll-free-number for Congress just by calling information.

A Boston jury found New England Patriots star tight end Aaron Hernandez guilty on all counts of first-degree murder in the shooting death of his onetime friend Odin Lloyd. The punishment was quickly meted out. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell just suspended Aaron Hernandez for two games.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store