December 5, 2016

The Foxiest Thing on Fox

When, back in 2011, I was writing my book, “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” I introduced the chapter devoted to Tucker Carlson by writing: “In spite of his young age,” which was then 42, “Mr. Carlson has been a major figure in the conservative movement for several years. He is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of the Daily Caller and is one of the clearest-thinking contributors to Fox News. One of the things I like best about him is that, in spite of its having become a trademark of his, the good taste that often comes with maturity finally prevailed and he gave up bow-ties, once and for all.”

When, back in 2011, I was writing my book, “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” I introduced the chapter devoted to Tucker Carlson by writing: “In spite of his young age,” which was then 42, “Mr. Carlson has been a major figure in the conservative movement for several years. He is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of the Daily Caller and is one of the clearest-thinking contributors to Fox News. One of the things I like best about him is that, in spite of its having become a trademark of his, the good taste that often comes with maturity finally prevailed and he gave up bow-ties, once and for all.”

In recent weeks, he has launched his own show on Fox, and it has quickly become my favorite. It’s worth the price of admission just to see him deal with his left-wing guests. Because he never stops grinning, I doubt if the poor dumb fish even realize they’ve been hooked, landed and fileted, until they get home and watch it play out on TV. I started the interview by asking what his parents did for a living.

A. My father was a journalist, a magazine and newspaper writer, and then TV reporter and anchor. He later went to work for the federal government and became a diplomat, serving abroad. My mom stayed home.

Q. At what point, did you decide to pursue a career in journalism?

A. I admired my father, so from early childhood I wanted to be a journalist. As a kid, it seemed to me that journalists got to do basically whatever they wanted to do. They were always traveling to weird places to talk to interesting people. What a gig, I thought.

Q. What book has been the most influential in your life?

A. “Witness” by Whitaker Chambers. I read it one summer while I was working in a baked bean factory in Maine. During cigarette breaks, I’d return to my locker to read it. For reasons I can’t explain, “Witness” taught me the value of hard work.

Q. On the chance that it’s not the same book, what is your all-time favorite?

A. I love the “Flashman” series by George MacDonald Fraser, 13 novels in all, about a corrupt and cowardly British army officer during the Victorian period. They’re brilliant and hilarious.

Q. What is the best piece of advice you were ever given, and were you wise enough to accept it?

A. James Carville once said something over dinner that for some reason had never occurred to me: “People like to be complimented.” It’s true; they do. And there’s nothing wrong with doing it, as long as the compliments are deserved. It’s remarkable how easy it is to make people happy simply by articulating what you like about them.

Q. What was the worst piece of advice you ever received?

A. I only take counsel from a very small group of people I respect, so I’ve rarely received or acted on bad advice. Most of my mistakes have been entirely my fault.

Q. Who or what makes you laugh?

A. Just about everything makes me laugh, including, I’m ashamed to say, low physical comedy. “Fat kid falls off bike” is one of my favorite YouTube videos.

Q. Have you any hobbies?

A. I have more hobbies and interests than I can keep up with, including woodworking, reading, bird hunting and fly-fishing. Fishing is the one I pursue most avidly.

Q. Any particularly embarrassing moments you’d care to divulge?

A. I once interviewed an Israeli filmmaker on TV. I hadn’t seen his documentary, though I didn’t admit that on the air. For my final question, I asked him if he was planning to release a version of the film in English. “It is in English,” he replied.

Q. Speaking of films, what is your all-time favorite, and why?

A. I have trouble sitting still for two hours, so I rarely watch movies. “Animal House” is probably my favorite, mostly because I have a low sense of humor, as I mentioned earlier.

Q. Is there anybody you envy? If so, who and why?

A. Can’t think of anyone. I have many flaws, some of them significant, but envy isn’t one of them.

Q. Hang on to those flaws, as we’ll get to them a little later. Do you often wish, when filling out official documents, that you weren’t born Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson?

A. Nope. I’ve never cared what people who force me to fill out official documents think.

Q. I wasn’t referring to the bureaucrats or the names, but to the length of your signature. Those four names contain 26 letters, so every time you have to sign on the dotted line, it’s the equivalent of writing out the entire alphabet.

A. That’s why I use my initials.

Q. I assume that you are one of those people who suspects that at the end of his life the things you’re most likely to regret are the things you didn’t do. Would that explain your appearance on “Dancing with the Stars”? Also, what was your reaction to being voted off the show?

A. I’ll try just about anything once, including being publicly humiliated while wearing spandex. As for being voted off, I felt the way you do when the time comes to euthanize an ailing dog: sad, but in some sense relieved.

Q. What is your fondest memory?

A. I’ve had an unusually happy life, so there are many. But the one that comes immediately to mind happened last July at our home in Maine. My wife and I woke up before six one morning. It was light out and already getting hot. Our four children and three dogs were asleep, so we crept out the back door, ran down the hill and jumped off the dock naked. When we came up for air, there was a loon swimming about five feet away. It was as beautiful a moment as any I can remember.

Q. I know that when you and Jon Stewart got into a contretemps, his fallback position was that he was just a comedian. It is also the first line of defense for such liberal partisans as David Letterman, Joy Behar, Bill Maher and even Michael Moore, when people point out the fictional elements in his “documentaries.” Does the tactic annoy you as much as it does me?

A. It’s contemptible, but also transparent. What’s amazing is how many people fall for it.

Q. What was the most traumatic event of your life, and what did you learn from it?

A. During my junior year in college, my father became very sick. At one point, it seemed possible he might die. As we waited in the hospital for test results we feared would indicate a terminal illness, my father told jokes and made randy comments to my mom. He seemed totally unafraid. I learned that I wanted to be that courageous.

Q. Well, you did go on “Dancing with the Stars” and wore spandex. By the way, how did things turn out for your father?

A. My dad’s fine, 20 years later. His throat tumor turned out to be tuberculosis, not cancer.

Q. How much importance do you place on money?

A. I’m interested in money only to the extent that I don’t want to worry too much about it. If making money had been my main goal, I never would have chosen journalism.

Q. If with a snap of your fingers, you could change anything about America, what would it be?

A. I wish the country had a more realistic understanding of risk, and a much higher tolerance for it.

Q. If with another snap of your fingers, you could change anything about Tucker Carlson, what would it be?

A. I get white-knuckled around cookies and tobacco. And I have trouble making myself do things I don’t enjoy. I wish I had more self-control.

Q. If you could sit down to dinner with any eight people who have ever lived, and for this one evening they could all speak English, who would they be and why them?

A. My ideal guests would include: Teddy Roosevelt, the most energetic politician who ever lived; Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a genuinely brave man; Jerry Garcia, whose music I admire; George Orwell, C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald Fraser, whose books I love; and of course, Jesus, who is God incarnate. Also O.J. Simpson, because every dinner party needs a villain, and because I bet I could get him to admit he did it.

Q. How? By holding back dessert until he confessed? Finally, is there a question I haven’t asked that you wish I had, and what is your answer?

A. People don’t typically fish for pickerel on a fly rod, so you may be wondering how I catch so many of them every summer. The key? A deer-hair frog, fished as slowly as you can. When you think you’ve let it sit too long, let it sit another minute. Drives the pickerel crazy.

Just for the record, that’s pretty much the way he hooks liberals on his show.

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