Right Opinion

The FBI Can't Be Trusted

Burt Prelutsky · Feb. 3, 2018

It seems that the two most irrelevant things I keep hearing these days is that Robert Mueller is a lifelong Republican and that most FBI agents are honest and patriotic. To which my short answer is: So what?

For all I know, John McCain, Lindsey Graham and Susan Collins have all been registered Republicans for the past 40 or 50 years, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t had their knives out for Trump ever since he announced he was seeking the GOP nomination back in the summer of 2015. Being a Never-Trumper clearly trumps party registration for a great many so-called Republicans.

As for Robert Mueller, I have had my suspicions about him ever since I heard so much bipartisan blather about his marvelous character and his unimpeachable integrity once he was appointed Special Counsel and designated by the zealots in the Deep State to bring down the Trump administration. Democrats and Republicans can’t agree on the time of day, but suddenly we’re supposed to accept their word that Mueller is a paragon of virtue?

The mere fact that Mueller was the mentor and remains the best friend of that lying bucket of scum, James Comey, should arouse everyone’s suspicions. Have we not all heard the truism that he who lies down with dogs gets up with fleas? That would certainly pertain to a dog that is 6’ 8" and has made a habit of ignoring his oath of office by usurping the duties of the attorney general and by leaking self-serving material to the media.

The other stuff that sticks in my craw when it comes to the FBI are the repeated assurances by Democrats that the majority of the 38,000 employees of the Bureau are above suspicion. How do they know that? What we do know is that a number of high-ranking officials at the FBI have been guilty of trying to devise a coup in order to unseat the duly elected president.

Something else we also know is that not one of them has been fired. They have merely been shuffled around to other departments. Isn’t that reminiscent of the way the church initially handled its pedophilia scandal, when, instead of handing the perverted priests over to the police, it merely moved them along to different parishes?

As I see it, if somebody is diagnosed with cancer, the doctor wouldn’t try to reassure the patient or his loved ones by pointing out that most of his millions of cells were perfectly healthy.


One of my readers wondered why, if liberals don’t believe in biological gender, they keep marching for women’s rights.

That led me to wonder why Harvey (oink, oink) Weinstein didn’t think to identify himself as a woman. That would have made him a lesbian, and nobody ever attacks them.


The Democrats are in courts in several states, demanding that congressional districts gerrymandered by Republican legislatures are unfair. The Democrats are always offended by gerrymandering, except when it’s done to ensure that black and Hispanic members of Congress are ensured easy election victories. What’s more, the Supreme Court has repeatedly gone along with it, although, theoretically, we’re all supposed to be colorblind, except, of course, when being fully sighted works to the advantage of minorities.


The NFL rejected a $30,000 print ad for the Super Bowl program from a veterans’ group, even though the ad merely requested that everyone at the football game, presumably including the multi-millionaires on the field, stand for the national anthem. The league declared that the ad, in its opinion, constituted a controversial political statement. In doing so, the NFL displayed its true colors or, rather, true color; namely, yellow.


A number of DACA ingrates showed up at Disneyland to demonstrate their annoyance that Congress still hasn’t passed legislation protecting them from deportation. Inasmuch as some of them were waving foreign flags and all of them were stopping American citizens and their American children from entering the allegedly happiest place on earth, I would have rounded them up and driven them a short distance to the border and booted their fannies into Mexico.

Now that even Chuck Schumer has gotten the message that most Americans have lost patience with the Democrats for prioritizing the concerns of these basically illiterate high school dropouts, the Dreamers might consider maintaining a lower profile in the future.

For openers, when Democrats keep insisting on your behalf that you’re law-abiding and hard-working, it doesn’t help the cause to see you brats breaking the law and showing up on a Tuesday, which for most people is a work day, to ruin a vacation for American families who may have worked and saved for an entire year to pay for the outing.


In a campaign that George Orwell’s Big Brother of 1984 fame might have devised, a couple of Cleveland-based abortion clinics have adopted “Love is Hate,” “War is Peace,” “Freedom is Slavery” and “Ignorance is Strength” — which all sound like planks in a Democratic platform — to their own mission statement.

According to the pinheads, “Abortion is a Liberty,” “Abortion is Life-Saving,” “Abortion is a Blessing,” “Abortion is Safer than Childbirth” and, my favorite, the laugh-provoking “Abortion is a Parenting Decision.”


Among the many questions that regularly occur to me just as I’m trying to drop off to sleep is why Chuck Schumer refuses to buy a pair of glasses that fit. It’s as if he’s constantly auditioning for the role of Maude Frickert in “The Jonathan Winters Story.”


It was recently reported that every day, three students, nearly always males, commit suicide on college campuses. And those are merely the ones we hear about, because most colleges and universities don’t keep track of these tragedies. However, I suspect they could come up with exact figures when it comes to the number of coeds and minority students who have complained about having had their feelings hurt.


There are occasions when, because I have had to devote so much time and attention to the likes of the Obamas, the Clintons, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Richard Blumenthal, John McCain, Peter Strzok, Chuck Schumer, Dick Durbin, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, Eric Holder, Loretta Lynch, Lois Lerner and various swinish members of the Never-Trump media, I feel less like a political pundit and more like an unlicensed proctologist.


I just received a joke from Art Hershey, a son-in-law of the late, great Art Linkletter, as well as being the pride of Calabasas, CA, in his own right.

According to Mr. Hershey, three women died in a traffic accident, and all three went to Heaven.

Upon their arrival, St. Peter let them know they had only one rule: “Don’t step on the ducks!”

The ladies were mystified, but they agreed. The mystery was solved when they entered the premises. There were ducks all over the place. It was nearly impossible not to step on one. And despite their best efforts, one of the women stepped on one that first day. No sooner did the duck start his angry quacking than St. Peter showed up with the ugliest man the woman had ever seen. He immediately chained them together. “Your punishment for stepping on an innocent, defenseless duck is to spend all of eternity chained to this ugly man.”

The next day, one of the other women accidentally stepped on a duck and immediately found herself chained to a man even uglier than the first guy.

The third woman, having observed the fate of her friends, vows to be extremely careful where she steps, and months pass without a single mishap.

Then one day, St. Peter shows up with the handsomest man she had ever seen in tow and commences to chain them together. The woman is overjoyed. “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity.”

The guy replies: “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on one of those darn ducks.”

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