Right Opinion

Draining the Swamp

Burt Prelutsky · Apr. 21, 2018

Regrettably, in spite of his best intentions, there is only so much that President Trump can do when it comes to draining the Potomac swamp. Fortunately, a few of the swamp critters have already packed their bags. I specifically have Jeff Flake and Paul Ryan in mind.

I’ll give House Speaker Ryan credit for helping to get the tax reform bill passed, but he is far too easygoing for the job he has. A person in a leadership role has to know how to crack a whip. Break with the president’s agenda and at the very least you’re supposed to lose committee chairmanships and corner offices.

While it’s true that Democrats rarely think for themselves, I guarantee that if any of them gave an inch when it came to tax cuts, Trump’s wall or sanctuary cities and states, they’d be quickly taken out to the woodshed by Chuck Schumer or Nancy Pelosi and introduced to the business end of a hickory stick.

As for Jeff Flake, I suspect the only reason he chose to run as a Republican in the first place was that he looked around and decided that if John McCain was Arizona’s idea of a Republican, that must be what he was, too.

We are, unfortunately, on the verge of losing a first-rate congressman. It is why I wrote back to the White House after it returned the five-dollar check I wanted President Trump to use as seed money to get his big, beautiful wall built through public subscription.

Because I assumed I was more likely to reach his special assistant than I was to reach Donald Trump directly, I wrote: “Dear Ms. Thompson: I appreciate the response from you and the President to my contribution and my suggestion that it be used to kick off the campaign to get the wall built.

"Having failed in that attempt, I am disappointed, but not deflated. I have a second suggestion to make. I believe President Trump would be well-advised to make Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ recusal permanent by replacing him with Trey Gowdy.

"Mr. Gowdy, who has already announced he will be departing from the House at the end of his current term, is simply too intelligent, competent and dedicated to the Constitution, to allow his unique talents to be squandered in the private sector.

"He would be the perfect antidote to Jeff Sessions, who dithers around like an old woman and who opened the door to Robert Mueller’s witch hunt by shirking his responsibilities. Sincerely, Burt Prelutsky”

Because he was positive that he smelled marijuana after making a traffic stop, a New Jersey state trooper strip-searched the male driver. The search, caught on the officer’s dashcam as well as his body camera, showed Trooper Joseph Drew putting his hands into the man’s underpants, groping the guy’s buttocks and his genitalia for several minutes, while a parade of gawkers drove past on the highway.

As it turned out, no drugs were found in the man’s car or in any of his potential hiding places. The cop wound up citing the poor guy for tailgating, of all things.

A lawsuit is in the works.

In related news, when asked what his current plans are now that his acting career has gone off the tracks thanks to his sexcapades with underage males, Kevin Spacey is rumored to have said he was thinking of spending the next few months tailgating on the New Jersey turnpike.

One of the constant traits of liberals is their lack of introspection. They never pause to ask themselves or each other whether it’s even possible that those who disagree with them just might be right when it comes to closing the border and ending chain migration.

As for guns, it constantly amazes me that liberals fail to recognize and acknowledge that if the feds disarm decent, law-abiding citizens, it will inevitably increase the chance that they and their friends will be victimized by bad people with guns.

The fact that they — especially those we’re constantly told will be the nation’s future leaders — march in lockstep, parrot left-wing slogans and never question any statement, no matter how inane, expressed by Bernie Sanders, Chris Matthews, Maxine Waters, Jimmy Kimmel or Elizabeth Warren bodes badly for America.

It’s because the boobs never really question any of their pre-digested talking points that they become so angry, tongue-tied and frustrated when they’re challenged by their intellectual superiors. All they can do is lash out and call their opponents racists, fascists, sexists, bullies, Nazis, homophobes and Islamophobes.

I believe it was Ronald Reagan who first observed how little liberals actually know, and how much that they think they know is wrong.

Russ Mothershed of Knoxville, Tennessee, claims that Father O'Malley received a call from the IRS, asking for his assistance. He said he’d be happy to oblige.

“Thank you, Father. Do you happen to know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do.”

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is.”

“Tell me, did Mr. Houlihan really donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

Again, according to Mr. Mothershed, a young man asked his bride if she would have married him even if his father hadn’t left him a fortune. She kissed her husband on the cheek and assured him that she would have married him, no matter who had left him a fortune.

Not one to rest on his laurels, Mothershed let me know that two rednecks, Bubba and Jimmy, were seated in a bar when Bubba broke the news that he was tired of being ignorant and had decided to take some classes at the local college.

The next day, the dean of admissions suggested he sign up for the basics, Math, English, American History and Logic.

“What’s logic?”

“I’ll give you an example of logic in action. Do you have a weed eater?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Then, logically, it would follow that you have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“Based on the fact you have a yard, I would logically conclude you have a house.”

“I do have a house.”

“That being the case, I would also conclude you have a family.”

“You’re right.”

“Inasmuch as you have a family, logic tells me you have a wife and are therefore a heterosexual.”

“That’s amazing. You figured all that out because I have a weed eater.”

“That’s logic for you.”

A few hours later, Bubba and Jimmy were back at the bar. Bubba told his friend that he had signed up for Math, English, American History and Logic.

“Logic? What the heck is that?”

“I’ll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?”


“Then you’re a queer.”

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