The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Nashville remained submerged from the Cumberland River flood Friday. Residents want federal attention. The president already declared Nashville a disaster area, and that was three years ago when someone asked him if he likes country-western music.
The Taliban distanced itself Friday from Faisal Shahzad, who screwed up in Times Square and failed blow up his Pathfinder. His terrorist handlers are furious at his ineptitude. If he had used a Toyota like they told him, they could sue for damages.
The Washington Post announced Wednesday it plans to sell Newsweek. Reading the weekly is therapeutic for many people. President Obama likes to read Newsweek each and every week because it doesn’t clutter up his mind with opposing points of view.
Wall Street shot up Monday on news of a Greek bailout and healthy U.S. corporate profit projections. Oil companies look great, led by Exxon, ConocoPhillips and Royal Dutch Shell. Gulf is also in the black, not the oil company, the Gulf of Mexico.
President Obama addressed college seniors Sunday and he ripped Apple, Sony and Microsoft for making gadgets and phones that strain democracy with too much information. He doesn’t like dissenting voices. The only reason he hasn’t closed Guantanamo is that he’s hoping to turn it into an assisted living facility for conservative bloggers.
The Hubble Telescope found water on a Saturn moon, providing more evidence that there’s life out there. It’s certainly logical. The surest sign that intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Oklahoma was hit by thirty-seven tornadoes which touched down Monday. Twisters dipped out of the clouds and landed everywhere. The last time there were this many touchdowns in Oklahoma, Barry Switzer was investigated for recruiting violations.
Tory party leader David Cameron formed a coalition government Tuesday with the Europe-leaning Liberal Democratic Party. The U.S. is not worried. It’s not expected to affect the Special Relationship between British Petroleum and Gulf of Mexico shrimp.
Phoenix lost the 2012 GOP Convention to Tampa Wednesday despite heavy lobbying by Arizona’s Chamber of Commerce. The vote wasn’t close. Republicans want to meet in Florida where they can get deeply suntanned without being deported to Mexico for it.
The Wall Street Journal said Gulf Coast hotels are suffering cancellations by holiday vacationers because of the oil spill. Not everyone is canceling. Some people are looking forward to having their Memorial Day barbecues right on the water.
President Obama made nice with Afghan President Hamid Karzai Wednesday. Obama has criticized Karzai for corruption and Karzai has threatened to join the Taliban. They came out smiling after President Obama agreed to keep U.S. troops in Afghanistan and Hamid Karzai agreed to let Chicago host the International Corruption Games next year.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said Monday that he was afraid to go to Arizona because people would hear his accent and deport him. He’s wrong about that. People would hear his accent and say Democrats were right, the Nazis have taken over Arizona.
Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan’s record as Harvard Law president came to light Monday. She appointed thirty people to jobs, with no blacks, no Hispanics and just a few women. She wanted a Harvard Law School that looks like the U.S. Senate.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].