The Patriot Post® · The Big Show in Arkansas

“I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.”

– H.L. Mencken

Oh, what a title bout it’s been in these parts. The feinting and shifting, the left jabs and right uppercuts, with both the champ and her major challenger claiming to be in the white trunks. LINCOLN VS. HALTER, the fight card proclaimed. An incumbent U.S. senator versus a sitting lieutenant governor! No telling who’ll come out of it recumbent.

The first round of the Democratic primary now has gone off as advertised – with lots of glancing blows both above and below the belt. Bam! Blam! Socko! But no knockout. At night’s end, Lincoln had 45 percent of the vote, Halter 42 – a virtual tie. No decision, no real drama.

For all the news coverage, or maybe because of it, these much-hyped proceedings seemed covered by a light film of sheer public ennui. Who, besides their respective camps, really cares which of these two wins?

At a time of general disillusionment with politics, interest fades. It’s hard to escape the impression that most voters would have preferred to watch the Celtics game on the tube than the election returns.

Mr. Dooley told us long ago that politics ain’t beanbag, but he didn’t warn us about how dull it could be, too. After a while, the bunting fades and the wild swings draw only a yawn. By now the Big Show has become all too familiar: the cloud of talking points, the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the drummed-up crowds, the set speeches of both candidates election night, each claiming victory … the whole schmeer.

Who’s ahead now? Blanche (aka Blank) Lincoln, the party pro who shifts with even the faintest wind? Or (Dollar) Bill Halter, moving spirit behind the new Arkansas Lottery and Big Labor’s well-financed entry in these Arkansas Sweepstakes? After all that maneuvering and all those same stump speeches, the favorite in this showdown, Ladies and Gentlemen and Fight Fans, is…

John Boozman, the Republican optometrist and congressman from up the hills. He took the GOP’s Senate primary in the walk he’s used to. The more the Democratic contenders tear each other up and spend their sugar daddies’ campaign donations, the more attractive good old, dull old John Boozman appears. Like a single cool scoop of plain vanilla in contrast with whole mounds of tutti-frutti covered in sprinkles, chocolate chips, and raspberry sauce with sparklers going off in all directions to no great effect. The doc isn’t exactly glamorous, but Arkansas voters may be more than a little sick of glamour by now.

The Democrats still have their runoff to get through a couple of weeks from now. In one corner, still standing, a U.S. senator who cast the 60th vote that allowed her party to have its way with the nation’s health care and the fifth or so of the national economy it represents. In the other, a lieutenant governor – lite governor for short – who may be lite in more ways than one. His idea of economic development is a state lottery. His solution to the higher education’s fiscal problems in this state? Gamble more. Oh, please.

With any luck, both these candidates would go away and leave the state alone. But no such luck; they’re still all over the public prints and airwaves. And, sorry to say, only one of them can lose the run-off.

Election night, Senator Lincoln celebrated despite being forced into a run-off. Rule No. 1 of politics and showbiz (or do we repeat ourselves?) remains: Never Let ‘em See You Cry. The senator told her supporters that those who thought she was finished have “got another think coming.” But, perhaps unfortunately for her, they’ve also got another vote coming. The run-off is Tuesday, June 8. And, if Miss Blank isn’t finished by then, still another vote comes due in the general election Tuesday, November 2. The show goes on, if you can bear to watch.

One can only hope politics will cool off a little during the long, hot Arkansas summer. Even it may seem temperate compared to a campaign for the United States Senate in these latitudes.

But there was a winner in this race, at least in spirit – one D.C. Morrison. Whatever his limitations, Mr. and still Private Citizen Morrison had no shortage of spunk. Who would have thought he’d draw more than 5 or even 10 percent of the vote at most? Instead, he drew 13 percent, and threw the Major Contenders into a hissy, run-off, and fight to a mutually destructive finish. Attaway, sir. Wild cards have their uses in any spirited game of poker.

Which candidate is Mr. Morrison going to endorse in the run-off? He says he’ll be voting for … the Republican candidate in the fall. Given the Democratic alternatives, good old, dull old Doc Boozman is starting to look pretty good. Vanilla’s long been my favorite flavor.

Across the country, the natives in general seemed as restless as they were in Arkansas last week, and as unhappy with politics as usual, not to say drearily familiar. Surely the most satisfying result election night for those of us who prefer principle to calculation in politics had to come from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. That’s where Sen. Arlen Specter (R., D., or just O. for Opportunist) finally got his comeuppance after 30 years of empty gamesmanship in the Senate, during which he proved that he’s anybody’s dog who’ll hunt with him. There may be hope after all; perhaps the object of American politics isn’t just to win public office. But rather to stand for something.

On that cheery note, let us steel ourselves, Gentle Readers and Fellow Citizens, for the continuing demolition derby called midterm elections. What a messy and unsatisfying system democracy can be – till you compare it with any of the others. Winston Churchill once compared democracy to a small raft that bobs up and down with every wave, unlike a great ocean liner that streams majestically across the waters. But the great liner may suddenly go down like the Titanic. On a raft, your feet may always be in the water, but somehow you stay afloat. Bon voyage, fellow rafters.

© 2010 TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.