Right Opinion

Biden Being Biden

Burt Prelutsky · May 20, 2019

I have concluded that all those jokes that people make about blondes would work even better if told about Joe Biden.

Just the other day, he thought his calling Donald Trump “a clown” was the epitome of wit and originality. But even if it had been, nobody would have noticed because what was attention-grabbing about his statement was his announcing that British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher had phoned him to express her concerns about the President.

It would have been headline news if true since Mrs. Thatcher died six years ago. Moreover, the Iron Lady—now that’s a nickname for you!—was Ronald Reagan’s biggest booster and would, I suspect, have appreciated her fellow Conservative.

Biden did later correct himself, identifying the caller as Teresa May. But, for most people, receiving a high-five from Mrs. May would be comparable to getting a pat on the back and an “attaboy” from Angela Merkel, Emmanuel Macron or Justin Trudeau.

Speaking of Biden, apparently he shouldn’t take too much comfort from the national polls that show him riding high. Apparently, when it comes to the all-important early-voting states, he’s not doing nearly as well.

In the national poll, it’s Biden (38.3%), Sanders (16%), Warren (7.8%), Buttigieg (7.2%) and Harris (7.2%). In Iowa, however, it’s Biden (23.7%), Sanders (19.7%), Buttigieg (11.3%), Harris (7.7%), Warren (7.3%). It’s even worse for Biden in New Hampshire, where he holds a tiny one percent lead over Sanders, 20.3% to 19.3%, followed by Buttigieg at 12.7%, Warren 7.3% and Harris 5.7%.

The best poll news, though, is that Trump’s approval ratings stand at 46%, no doubt due to a flourishing economy, whereas at this same point in Obama’s first term, he topped out at 44%.

According to the worrywarts at the U.N., one million species of animal and plant life will soon be made extinct thanks to climate change.

I will withhold judgment until I find out if skunks, black mambas, sea serpents, spinach, rutabagas and kale, are on the endangered list.

Adam Schiff, who is leading the pack of congressional curs screaming for Trump’s scalp claimed he had seen the Mueller report and reported that it proved conclusively that Trump had colluded with Russia to steal the 2016 election.

He didn’t say he predicted, expected or even prayed, that Mueller’s report would prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the President had committed treason. He simply reported what he had read with his own eyes.

But it is now obvious that he lied. So, why is he still the chairman of the House Select Committee and why hasn’t he, at the very least, been censured by his congressional colleagues or been recalled by his constituents?

Because I’m not a sexist, I believe in giving female politicians equal time. Which brings us to Hillary Clinton. During her speaking tour, she stopped over in L.A. long enough to say: “You can be the best candidate and run the best campaign and they can still steal the election from you.”

It received a lot of applause, especially considering the low turnout for these appearances.

On the other hand, if I had been in the audience, I would have been moved to applaud that particular stolen election.

At the same time, a few thousand miles to the east, Stacey Abrams was still insisting that she had won the Georgia gubernatorial race that in fact she had lost by more than 50,000 votes.

Even long after these crazy women lose elections, they continue to dwell in the Valley of Denial, clutching at delusional straws, which are the only ones that Liberals haven’t yet outlawed here in California.

Tucker Carlson has been disclosing a great many news items relating to Navy and airline pilots reporting sightings of UFOs.

In the past, I never put much stock in reports of flying saucers hovering in the sky before zooming off at several thousand miles an hour. The reason I scoffed wasn’t because I tend to be a scoffer by nature. At least that wasn’t the only reason. It was because, invariably the sightings were attributed to drunks in places like Georgia and Mississippi.

It made no sense that after traveling great distances through space, they would only make their presence known to guys named Bubba and Jimmy Joe, a couple of sots who hadn’t been sober since Jimmy Carter’s administration.

But, now, I’m beginning to take an interest, and I’m wondering if this explains how the likes of Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, landed in America.

Because you can never insult Joe Biden enough, I’m bringing him back for an encore.

In South Carolina, last weekend, he told a predominantly black audience that the GOP was planning to pass a bill aimed at curtailing their right to vote. Or as he put it: “We’ve got Jim Crow sneaking back in. I mean it!”

The question that pops to mind is who is more despicable—an old dude so desperate to be president he would blithely slander half the people in the nation he hopes to lead—or black voters who are so determined to be treated like babies that they’d support such a weasel.

It seems that just when you thought the list of Democrats seeking their party’s presidential nomination in 2020 couldn’t get any dopier, Bill De Blasio has decided to toss his hat in the ring.

Stop laughing. I’m being serious.

I guess he assumed that if a guy named Buttigieg who was once the mayor of a small city in Indiana and happens to be married to another guy could be riding high in the polls, a guy who is the mayor of the nation’s biggest city and is married to a black woman who used to be a lesbian (although it’s hard to imagine that De Blasio could be the reason for any woman’s switching teams), will run roughshod over the competition.

Would I be surprised if he were to garner the nomination? A little bit, but I wouldn’t be shocked. After all, his is the party that over the past 30 years served up Michael Dukakis, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, John Kerry, Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Although Mayor De Blasio hasn’t announced a platform, he has said that while there’s plenty of money in this country, “it’s in the wrong hands.”

It’s a sentiment with which I wholeheartedly agree. Where he and I part company is when it comes to which hands are the wrong hands. De Blasio is referring to yours and mine. I’m referring to the grimy hands of political Liberals and the greedy paws of those bottom feeders they bribe in exchange for their votes.

Among the many sit coms that I wrote for, “Rhoda” may have been the most forgettable. It was a spin-off from the “Mary Tyler Moore,” and with many of the same writers and producers, along with a first-rate cast that included Valerie Harper, Harold Gould, Nancy Walker and Julie Kavner, it should have had a longer run than it did.

I only wrote one episode. It was, I believe, in the final season. I knew the show wouldn’t last because the producers had made a boneheaded decision. They had married Rhoda off, which meant the show no longer revolved around her funny, lovable family in the Bronx. Instead, it revolved around her and her husband Joe.

The fault didn’t lie in the casting. David Groh was a decent and generally amiable actor.

The problem, I felt, even as I was writing the script, was that Joe always referred to Rhoda as “Doll.”

It has always been my belief that when a husband or even a boyfriend is in the habit of calling his wife or significant other “Doll,” “Honey,” “Baby” or “Sweetie,” it’s because his life is chockful of other women, and that he only uses the endearment so as not to confuse their names.

I think that when Joe constantly called his wife “Doll,” the audience got the subliminal message that he was cheating on their beloved Rhoda and it soured them on the series.

Please do not write to let me know that your husband is the exception to the rule. My mind is made up and the only conclusion I’m likely to arrive at is that you have been successfully bamboozled.

P.S. Rhoda and Joe were separated and getting a divorce by the end of the season.

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