Right Opinion

The New Sheriff in Town

Burt Prelutsky · May 27, 2019

Even the usually recalcitrant Chuck Schumer supports President Trump’s gutsy attempt to make China finally clean up its act.

But, it’s also our responsibility to do our part in this trade war. That would consist of our refusal to buy crapola made in that godforsaken country. Nobody would have to pay more because of Trump’s tariffs; it would only require that at least for the time being, shoppers would have to buy the crapola churned out in India, Indonesia, Mexico and the Philippines.

It’s true that hog ranchers and soybean farmers would take a hit from China’s own tariffs, but Donald Trump has vowed to subsidize them for their losses with the tariff money China would have to cough up as the price of doing business in the U.S.

If it takes huge tariffs to force the Chinese to finally clean up their act, we should all join Sen. Schumer in cheering Trump on in his courageous mission.

Instead of parroting nonsense about a free market in a world in which the nation with the second biggest economy never plays by the rules and simply ignores the censures of the World Trade Organization, we should be supporting Sheriff Trump in his attempt to prevent the outlaws from shooting up the town.

What’s more, if we actually had allies in Europe, they’d be following his lead instead of behaving, as usual, like the craven townspeople in “High Noon,” who left Gary Cooper to face Frank Miller and his murderous gang all by himself.

I see that some of the parents caught up in the college bribery scandal are pleading guilty. I have mixed feelings about them. I’d say that those who tried to disguise the bribes as charitable donations in order to write them off on their taxes should go to jail for tax fraud. I’d let the others off because I believe their public humiliation is more than enough punishment for their victimless crime.

After all, when some millionaire donates a chair, as they’re called, at a college, do you think their kids or their grandkids would have any trouble getting enrolled? Money gets you the best table at a restaurant, first class seats on an airliner, the nicest car on the road, not to mention a trophy wife or husband. Money buys you influence, not to mention luxury, so why is everyone carrying on as if this is the crime of the century?

The thing that puzzles me is why, if a college diploma means so much to these millionaires, they didn’t simply adopt smart kids along the way.

I’m sure that nobody is too surprised to hear that I don’t like anti-Semites. I especially don’t like anti-Semites who pretend, like Rep. Rashida Tlaib, that their anti-Semitic remarks have been twisted to make them look bad, even going so far as to say their words were said with love.

Taking their lead, let me say that I despise Arabs and Muslims, but I say that with love. In my case, that would be love of America, Israel and western civilization.

Hollywood is threatening to boycott the state of Georgia because Governor Brian Kemp signed a bill limiting abortions to the weeks before a baby’s heart begins to beat.

Apparently, such a boycott could deprive Georgia of roughly two billion dollars a year. In return, I would urge the citizens of the state to sign a pledge to stop attending movies until the boycott is lifted. It’s time that states learned to fight back against the self-righteous loons.

I was saddened to hear that Doris Day had passed, although 97 years is a pretty good run.

I never met her, but I once had lunch with her. Well, okay, not exactly with her, but a few stools down from her at the counter of the Madonna Inn.

One day in the 1980s, when I was still living in Carmel, I stopped in San Luis Obispo on my way down to L.A. for a conference with the guy producing one of my TV movie scripts.

The stool next to mine was empty. On the stool next to that one was a woman sitting next to a woman who was wrapped up in scarves and wearing sunglasses. It was only when she spoke that I recognized it was Doris Day, doing her best to be incognito.

When I reached L.A., I told the producer that Ms. Day would be perfect playing the lead in our movie. He agreed it would be a coup if we could lure her out of retirement and suggested that I contact her and offer her the role.

I dropped her a note. She politely turned me down. She preferred living in Carmel Valley with her dogs to working in L.A. I was disappointed, but I couldn’t really blame her.

Jean Simmons got the role. She was good, but Doris Day would have been better.

Rep. Joe Wilson, who hollered out “You lie!” when Barack Obama addressed Congress and said that the Affordable Care Act would never provide illegal aliens with free healthcare, was naturally censured by his fellow Republicans, a spineless group that can always be counted upon to prioritize good manners, the truth be damned.

The only surprise is that there was anyone in the place willing to point out that the emperor was as naked as the godforsaken day he was born.

The Democrats, as usual, are playing “Can you top this?” in their pursuit of the presidential nomination. So when Joe Biden insists that everyone who happens to be in our country illegally deserves to receive the finest healthcare the American taxpayer can pay for, Kamala Harris goes him one better by stating we should also pick up the tab for their education.

No surprise that the team of Biden and Harris is the one now being ballyhooed by the left-wing pundits. It makes sense. After all, what better way to balance the stupid old white guy than by teaming him up with the stupid, middle-aged black woman?

Actress Alyssa Milano has started an online campaign she calls #Sex Strike. Its sole purpose is to stop women from engaging in sexual intercourse until America makes abortions on demand the law of the land. None of those three months, six months or even nine months, limits for her, let alone checking for heartbeats from the womb.

I can’t help wondering if it’s occurred to Ms. Miyano that if Liberals would simply stop screwing around, abortions would quickly become a thing of the past.

Bette Midler has called on the women of Georgia to follow the lead of the women portrayed by Aristophanes in his comedy “Lysistrata,” who, in a campaign against war, stopped having sex with Greek men.

The story was later re-set in the old West by Stephen Vincent Benet, who titled his story “The Sobbin’ Women,” and later reached the screen as the MGM musical, “7 Brides for 7 Brothers.”

Frankly, I don’t think that Midler, a 73-year-old has-been who resembles an unbaked loaf of bread, should be going around telling women not to have sex. That’s because the first thought that comes to mind is that she simply wants every woman to be in the same leaky boat in which the former libertine, thanks to her advanced age, currently finds herself.

Three black Oberlin College students were caught shoplifting. Once they were arrested, they confessed to their crime. So, naturally, their fellow black students, predictably encouraged by a white dean, called for a boycott of the store, accusing its white owner of racism.

It’s just another example of black privilege, which allows sleazebags to rob with impunity and, in their defense, label the victims racists.

Because the word has been so bastardized over the past several years, it seems necessary to remind people that racism means treating others with contempt, not because of their actions, but because of their color. It is in 2019 America a slur that more often than not that should be reserved for black people and the politicians and college administrators, black and white alike, who have followed the lead of Barack Obama in dividing the country along racial lines.

The good news is that the store owner is suing Oberlin College for libel. How I’d love to be on that jury.

I owe my biggest laugh of the past week to New York’s Mayor Bill DeBlasio’s decision to stage a climate change demonstration at the Trump Towers.

In a clumsy attempt to pin bad weather on the President, DeBlasio led his jolly band of nitwits in chanting “Our planet, Not your profit.”

What DeBlasio was blissfully unaware of was that just behind him, well within TV camera range, a group of Trump loyalists were riding up and down the Tower’s escalators holding signs that read: “Worst Mayor Ever” and “Trump in 2020.”

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