The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
The Justice Department filed a suit over Arizona’s immigration law. They had no choice. The Arizona law has legal precedent, public support and common sense on its side, but if we’re only going to have rational laws the Democrats are finished.
President Nixon was revealed in declassified papers to have considered the nuclear bombing of North Korea forty years ago, which would have wiped North Korea off the map. How ferocious was Richard Nixon? It was Dick Cheney who talked him out of it.
Levi Johnston apologized to Sarah Palin for lying about her in a People magazine interview. It worked out. He chose to apologize in People magazine because it was the only magazine that would interview him and it’s the only magazine she reads.
The White House swapped ten captured spies to Russia in exchange for four captured U.S. spies jailed in Moscow. It doesn’t inspire confidence. This White House can’t even swap spies without running up a sixty percent deficit in the exchange.
Commerce Secretary Gary Locke revealed the new U.S. trade policy. He introduced a plan that will double the number of U.S. exports to other countries in the next two years. We are going to turn Mexico around and make it face the other way.
The Justice Department asked a judge to halt Arizona’s immigration law on foreign policy grounds. It’s also about values. The White House believes that America will always be the land of the free, the home of the brave and every Mexican’s Plan B.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer canceled the Border Governors Conference in Phoenix after the six Mexican governors threatened to boycott. It surprised the other U.S. governors planning to attend. Arnold Schwarzenegger had already had his staffers print up copies of his naturalization papers to hand out to the Phoenix cops.
The White House stated that the administration is going to focus on lowering unemployment. We know what this means. The next time there’s a job opening in the private sector, President Obama’s going to announce it in an hour-long special on ESPN.
LeBron James revealed in a televised event on ESPN that he had chosen to play in Miami over New York or Chicago. This isn’t over. Rush Limbaugh could be banned from all NBA locker rooms for providing players with performance-enhancing tax advice.
The White House declared a new ban on gulf drilling after filing a suit against Arizona’s new immigration law. Democrats don’t want to do anything to stop the flow of immigrants and Republicans don’t want to do anything to stop the flow of oil. Anyone who disagrees with either side is accused by the other of being a spigot.
The Census Bureau said hundreds of census workers have been attacked by people who didn’t want to be counted. It’s simple to get an accurate tally. You just count the number of pit bulls and divide by three, and that’s how many meth labs you report.
Arizona highway officials turned off speed cameras which were designed to catch speeding drivers on roads. They can’t recognize the drivers. The cameras were set to over-expose so that everyone looks equally white and nobody gets deported.
President Obama attended the groundbreaking of a new factory in Michigan which will make lithium batteries. He enjoyed it. Presidents love to attend new American factory openings, but usually they don’t have time to fly to Vietnam and back.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].