Burt Prelutsky / Aug. 26, 2019

The Big House and the Bug House

I’m not sure how I feel about the red flag laws I keep hearing about, the ones that would, theoretically, keep guns out of the hands of loons.

I’m not sure how I feel about the red flag laws I keep hearing about, the ones that would, theoretically, keep guns out of the hands of loons. I guess my skepticism stems from the fact that I don’t know who would be making the determinations. If it turned out the decisions would be made by the same lot who grant paroles, I wouldn’t consider it an improvement.

On the other hand, when I heard President Trump speak about rebuilding the insane asylums that were torn down by budget-cutting governors and state legislatures in the 70s, thus releasing millions of loons onto our streets, you can count me in. The best way of keeping the likes of Nikolas Cruz, Adam Lanza, Patrick Crusius, James Huberty, Joseph Whitman, Seung-Hui Cho, George Hennard, Devin Patrick Kelley, Omar Mateen and Stephen Paddock, from going on killing sprees is to lock them up before they have the chance to obey those voices in the spooky echo chambers they call their heads.

The fact that most of them express their madness in the various social networks currently available should make it a simple matter to institutionalize them based on their stated desire to commit murder. The notion that people’s First Amendment rights might be infringed upon is a crock. Nobody is constitutionally entitled to threaten to kill their schoolmates, their fellow workers or the President.

That’s not free speech, that’s crazy speech.

At the same time that these asylums are being built, another massive construction project should be undertaken. We need more and bigger prisons. We should never again be caught releasing convicted felons early because some blue ribbon commission has decided that conditions are too crowded. God forbid that rapists, thieves and pedophiles, should be confined in uncomfortable living quarters.

That might even curtail some of the nonsense about our having too many people under lock and key. Our problem isn’t that we have too many mischief makers locked up, but they we don’t have enough of them stashed away. When Democrats claim that we have far more prisoners than other industrial nations, they’re just blowing smoke in our direction. Their idea of lowering the crime rate is to insist that certain crimes, generally those involving drugs, simply shouldn’t be enforced.

The truth is that would be the equivalent of claiming to cure cancer by announcing that henceforth the disease would be called recnac (cancer spelled backwards), but that never seems to enter their pointy little heads.

I’m not calling for homosexuals to be stoned or even shunned, but I have gotten tired of hearing the perversion defended on the grounds that people are just born that way and that if anyone should be blamed, it’s God.

That’s pretty skimpy as excuses go. And while I’m not lumping all so-called gays in with rapists, pedophiles and Democrats, they can all use the same excuse to rationalize their own depravity. Homosexuals would point out that their behavior is limited to consenting adults, but of course that’s not always true. Sex involving adults and teenagers is not all that uncommon, and it’s not regarded as pedophilia.

We’re all born, you may have noticed, unable to speak or think rationally. It’s our mission in life to improve on the basic raw material and actually make something better of ourselves.

On the lunacy scale, I would venture that the so-called transgender crowd is somewhere between homosexuals and the 20 freaks contending for the Democratic nomination.

I don’t hate transgenders. I do hate parents, who in their quest to be regarded as avantgarde, encourage their tykes to be confused about their gender. But that doesn’t mean I believe that little boys who insist they’re girls and little girls who insist they’re boys should have any say in the matter. When kids are very young, they will base those decisions on their belief that one group gets to have more fun or that the other get more presents.

When they get to be teenagers, these misfits should not be allowed to use the bathrooms and locker rooms of their choice, and they should not be permitted to enter athletic competitions based on anything but their biology.

If I had my way, these people would be among the first people to be given space in the newly built asylums, not so they can be punished, but because they need to be treated for their mental disorders. That’s because they are even more prone to commit suicide than the typical teenage zombies who lurch through adolescence with their eyes focused on their brain-sucking smart phones.

When the shoot-out between Maurice Hill, a 36-year-old career criminal, and the Philadelphia police force finally ended, I was left with two questions: the first was why it took the cops eight hours before they finally drove him out of the apartment with tear gas; the second was why we have 36-year-old career criminals lurking in society? Why are they not turned into mulch long before they get to shoot off 200 rounds wounding six police officers and shutting down half the city?

And how is it that when we are told that most black people living in the hood are decent and law-abiding, we saw hordes of them on the streets of Philly laughing and jeering at the cops while the cops were risking their lives to protect them?

To me, it’s the 2019 updated version of the creeps who used to curse and spit on the soldiers returning from Vietnam in the 60s.

In yet another reminder of the inglorious past, hundreds of Google employees are refusing to work on a government project meant to help secure the border against invading aliens. They’re reminiscent of the punks in the 60s whose fear of military service led them to flee to Canada, all the while pretending they were a bunch of Mahatma Gandhi’s.

At last count, roughly a dozen Republican House members have announced they won’t be seeking re-election in 2020. I don’t know their reasons, but I suppose they’re worried they won’t be re-elected and want to get a jump on their future careers as paid lobbyists.

What I don’t get is why it’s nearly always Republicans who jump ship. What is it that makes them so much more rat-like than their left-wing colleagues?

Is it possible that when Trump promised in 2016 that we would eventually get tired of winning, it was only Republican members of Congress who took him seriously?

Unless some dope like Mitt Romney or John Kasich decides to challenge President Trump for the nomination, we’ve got our candidate. But how are Democrats ever going to settle on just one standard-bearer when they have the contents of the world’s largest clown car to choose from?

As Jay Lehr points out:

Joe Biden has promised to cure cancer.

Kamala Harris is going to flood black neighborhoods with reparation money.

Bernie Sanders is going to forgive all student loans.

Elizabeth Warren is going to send reparation checks to homosexuals.

Beto O'Rourke is going to tear down border walls.

Cory Booker is going to increase welfare programs.

Amy Klobuchar will grant statehood to Puerto Rico and Washington, D.C.

Peter Buttigieg is going to eliminate the Electoral College.

Andrew Yang is going to give every person over the age of 18 $1,000 a month.

How’s a person to pick just one from this liberal smorgasbord of delights? If I were a Democrat, rather than torment myself over the various herrings, boiled potatoes, gravlax and Swedish meatballs, on the menu, I really wouldn’t be able to settle on just one. I think I’d just stay home on Election Day.

It recently occurred to me that the reason that scientists are so eager to find signs of intelligent life on other planets is because it’s in such desperately short supply on this one.

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