Right Opinion

Why I Generalize, Generally

Burt Prelutsky · Dec. 14, 2019

As all of you must have realized a long time ago, I do a large amount of generalizing. I am constantly attacking large swaths of the population, be they urban blacks, Muslims, illegal aliens or Democrats.

I am often called on it, people insisting they know some perfectly fine urban blacks, Muslims, illegals and, yes, even Democrats. Even I know a few exceptions in three of the four groups. But am I expected to say each time I write about them that with the exception of two guys named Frank and a woman named Dodie, such and such is true? There is, after all, a reason we generalize. It’s for the same reason that polling generally works even though they don’t question 330 million people. They know that, statistically speaking, if they poll a certain number of blue collar workers, suburban housewives, grade school teachers, white collar professionals, etc., they will have a pretty good idea of what 330 million people are thinking. Except, it seems, if you ask them if they intend to vote for Donald J. Trump. Then they tend to lie, lest the pollster calls them a racist, a fascist or a homophobe.

When I generalize about Catholic priests, for instance, blaming the Church for covering up for pedophiles, I don’t limit my criticism to the bishops and cardinals or the Pope; I blame all the students at the seminary who knew the truth about the sexual deviants among them, but refused to call them out.

When I generalize about the various agencies in Washington, I don’t limit my contempt to the top echelon guys like James Comey, John Brennan, Michael Hayden, James Clapper, Andrew McCabe, Peter Strzok, Bruce Ohr and Lisa Page, I also blame their subordinates who merely stood by and allowed the Deep Staters to destroy the reputation of the FBI, the CIA, the NSA and all those other outfits that are supposed to protect this nation from enemies, foreign and domestic.

When I generalize about Muslims, it’s because in the aftermath of 9/11, I didn’t hear them joining the rest of us in mourning the victims and condemning those who, in the name of their religion, murdered 3,000 Americans, and who continued wiring money to the terrorists in the Middle East until the FBI put a stop to it.

When I generalize about urban blacks, it’s because I often see them demonstrating on behalf of black thugs who are shot in the commission of a crime, but never on behalf of the black, white and Latino cops, who are killed by black gangbangers.

At least I play fair. I also generalize about my fellow Jews who make it a practice to vote for whichever candidates in an election are the furthest to the Left, even though I happen to know a number of Jewish Conservatives. But as the Conservatives constitute only 20-25% of Jewish voters and only two of the 34 Jews in Congress, I will continue to generalize about the schmucks who are doing their best to turn America into another Socialist hellhole.

I also take pot shots at certain Republicans, especially those like Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins and Mitt Romney, who often vote as if they wish Barack Obama was back in the White House.

I was recently chastised after condemning the students who form mobs on college campuses in order to prevent Republicans from speaking or for trying to have Conservative professors kicked off the faculty. I was told that the rioters represent only a small percentage of the student body. But that is always the case. Whether it’s Communist party members in the Soviet Union, Nazis in Germany or student agitators at Columbia, Berkeley, Kent State, most people just stand around gawking, while the nihilists break windows, burn things down and attack innocent people.

Of course, college students, whose brains haven’t yet formed, making them such easy targets for Communist professors, aren’t always rioting over political matters. In fact, they’re more likely to start tipping over cars and setting fires because their football or basketball teams either won or lost a game to a major rival. That’s because for a certain number of years, which just happen to coincide with their college tenure, they revert to their childhood tantrums when they’d break their toys and scream a lot if they didn’t get ice cream.

So long as people allow the true barbarians to hijack their colleges, their religion, their political party or their government, maintaining their silence in order to avoid confrontation, I will continue to label them moral cowards.

Ralph Barnett let me know that China is accusing the U.S. of interfering in the Hong Kong elections, and wondered if the Democrats would be including this in their articles of impeachment.

My response was “Why not? They’ve already tossed in the kitchen sink.”

To which, he replied: “I predict the Democrats won’t vote to impeach because of the damage it would inflict on Schiff, Pelosi and the rest of the Democrats next November.”

I acknowledged the Democrats were stuck between the proverbial rock and a very hard place. If they don’t impeach, it will be the second straight time, following the Mueller witch hunt, that they’d failed to deliver the goods. “I personally think they have to move forward, hoping that the media will be able to spin it so that when the GOP-controlled Senate fails to vote for impeachment, it will be blamed on Republican partisanship. After all, it’s happened so many times before, there’s no reason to think the media will let down their comrades in their time of need.”

Speaking of the media, they are constantly condemning President Trump for what they refer to as his boorish language and his unpresidential demeanor, but Bob Hunt passed along a laundry list of items that never seem to raise even a single eyebrow on the Left.

Apparently, it was just fine when Madonna suggested blowing up the White House the day after Trump’s inauguration and when Peter Fonda fantasized locking up 10 year old Barron Trump “in a cage with child molesters.”

Johnny Depp mused that the country needed another John Wilkes Booth. But, of course, that may just have been one actor trying to find work for another.

Tom Arnold admitted: “I fantasize about standing over Donald Trump, Jr’s dead body.”

Kathy Griffin got off picturing herself holding President Trump’s decapitated head.

Snoop Dog shoots a likeness of Donald Trump in a music video and has Trump in a body bag on his album cover.

Joe Biden insists “I’d like to take Trump behind a barn and beat him.” (Not very likely; still, he’d have a better chance behind a barn than in a general election.)

Maxine Waters advises her supporters to “Harass Trump’s staff and supporters in public and refuse to serve them in restaurants.”

Corey Booker dreams of “Punching Trump in the face.”

As for Robert DeNiro, we don’t know exactly what he has in mind for Trump because he doesn’t stop spewing the “F” word long enough to tell us.

John Sarantos shared something he’d come across in Nelson DeMille’s “The Lion’s Game” he thought I’d find amusing. He was right.

It seems the Attorney General is eager to find out which law enforcement group in America is the most effective. So he gathers representatives from the FBI, the CIA and the NYPD.

He first sends in the agents from the FBI into the woods to capture a rabbit. Two hours later, they emerge without a rabbit, but they call a press conference where they report: “We lab-tested every twig and leaf in the forest and concluded the rabbit broke no federal law, so we released him.”

The A.G. concludes: “Baloney! You never found the rabbit.”

He next sends in the CIA guys. An hour later, they come out of the woods without the rabbit, reporting that they had found the rabbit and it confessed to a conspiracy. “But we debriefed the rabbit and turned him around. He is now a double agent working for us.”

“Bullshit!” the A.G. says. “You never found the rabbit.” He finally sends in the New York cops.

Fifteen minutes later, a bear comes stumbling out of the woods, bleeding and with its nose broken. The bear throws its arms up in the air and yells out: “All right already! I confess! I’m a damn rabbit!”

Don't miss Burt Prelutsky and other great columnists. Subscribe today!

Click here to show comments

Don't Face the Mob Alone
Stay current with America’s News Digest.