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Right Opinion

The Braying Donkeys

Burt Prelutsky · Feb. 17, 2020

It’s not easy to determine who came out of the impeachment trial looking the worst. Some might cast their vote for Nancy Pelosi, some with the combo of Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler, but others – myself included – would hand the trophy to Mitt Romney.

That’s because the others are Democrats. They were merely carrying out the orders of their leaders; namely, Ilhan Omar, Maxine Waters, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Rashida Tlaib.

And although throughout the farce Nancy Pelosi kept insisting she was praying for the nation and for President Trump, it was finally Sen. Romney who brought religion into the mix.

Only the man who would have been elected president in 2012 if only Central Casting got to pick winners pretended he was responding to God’s words more than to anything the seven House governors actually said while making their pathetic case to the Senate.

In doing so, he might as well have admitted to what Penny Alfonso referred to as POTUS- envy as his motive. Certainly nothing in the House articles of impeachment could suggest that Trump had committed a high crime or misdemeanor in dealing with Ukraine.

It’s one thing to be a majority of one the way Edmund Gibson Ross, a Republican, was in 1868 during the impeachment trial of Andrew Johnson, a Democrat, when he joined with the Democrats to prevent Johnson’s impeachment by a single vote.

Ross knew he was committing political suicide.

In Romney’s case, knowing his vote wouldn’t make any difference, he made a grandstand play, casting himself as the one honorable man in the Senate. He knew that with his own election four years away, he would pay no political price. Being shunned by his fellow Republicans was no big deal. They already knew he hated the President.

On the other hand, in Democratic circles, he is now being hailed as the one Republican with courage and a functioning conscience.

He is just one more example of a person receiving absolution from those who in the not very distant past regularly referred to him as corrupt, money-mad and, more specifically and honestly, as a ruthless corporate raider, as a venture capitalist who would swoop in, buy a company, gut it and sell it off at a profit, while its workforce was left destitute.

But, like James Comey, James Clapper, John Brennan, Michael Hayden and John Bolton, all he had to do was cast a dishonest vote to get the birdbrains over at CNN and MSNBC to start parroting references to his legendary religiosity.

It’s a case of redemption by partisan consensus.

Of course, none of this should have surprised anyone. On his first day as a newly-installed senator, Romney published an op-ed piece in the Washington Post attacking his party’s leader. He thereby lost his opportunity to come off as a principled Mormon and, instead, showed himself to be a back-stabbing moron.

And while you know how much I hate piling on, why hasn’t he been as openly mocked as Elizabeth Warren, who pretended to be a Cherokee, when Romney chose as his Internet alias Pierre Delecto? What sort of person adopts a pseudonym that sounds like the name of a French gigolo in a porn film?

In case you thought things were bad when the Democrats decided that blacks, Latinos, illegal aliens, gays and transgenders, deserved special status when it came to jobs, college entry and the law, I’m here to announce they’ve found a way to out-do themselves.

It was just a year or so ago that Nancy Pelosi took umbrage when Trump called the members of MS-13 “animals,” Pelosi insisting that, in spite of the gang’s extensive record of murders, rape and extortion, they were human beings who had a spark of the divinity in them.

Sometimes, one wonders how it was that the Speaker didn’t become a nun. Then you recall that she approves of late term abortions and has campaigned on behalf of Planned Parenthood for her entire career, and you stop wondering.

But the Democrats in the House are now pushing for enactment of something called the New Way Forward Act. If passed, it would prevent the deportation of criminal aliens now and forever.

What’s more, taxpayers would have to pay to have formerly deported felons transported back to the U.S., which means HR 5383 would be retroactive. Or in other words, it would be the New Way Forward and Backward Act.

It’s no wonder that the bill is being pushed by none other than Ilhan Omar. After all, it’s definitely in her self-interest since she apparently married her brother in order to get around our immigration laws.

It’s anybody’s guess why Nancy Pelosi, in the aftermath of the State of the Union Address, claimed she wasn’t miffed by the President’s refusal to shake her hand when he delivered his speech to her, suggesting she merely assumed he was sedated. Apparently when she isn’t borrowing a nun’s habit for formal occasions, she’s masquerading as a physician.

Sedated, said the woman who seems barely able to stand up at times or to stop slurring her words. In medical circles, it’s referred to the crockpot calling the kettle tipsy.

Midst a great many women and all the Democratic contenders insisting that women are victimized by men in America, according to Prof. Mark Perry, who studies such things for a living and doesn’t require female votes to get elected, the evidence suggests the opposite is true.

It seems that 73% of graduate students are female. For every 100 women who die of opioids, 212 men die. For every 100 women who commit suicide, 450 men take their own lives. For every 100 female alcoholics, there are 200 men having their meals out of a bottle. For every 100 females who are homeless, there are 242 men living on the streets.

When it comes to enrollees in our colleges and universities, for every 100 women, there are only 77 men.

When you combine that figure with the crushing debt that graduates come away with, it doesn’t bode well for America’s future. For one thing, people are reluctant to undertake additional financial burdens when they start out behind the financial eight ball with six-figure debts. For another, women are not only reluctant to marry men who earn less than they do, but while they might have sex with blue collar types, female college grads aren’t anxious to marry men with high school diplomas who won’t get their reverential references to Simone de Beauvoir, Erica Jong and Germaine Greer.

After all these months squandered by the Democrats in trying to get Trump evicted from the White House, the only question I have for the President is why he kept insisting that his phone conversation with the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, was “perfect.”

He could have certainly referred to it as appropriate or even perfectly appropriate, but a perfect phone call?

A peach can be perfect, a no-hit/no walk baseball game can be called a perfecto, but what could possibly constitute a perfect phone call unless, perhaps, it was from a lawyer letting you know that a relative you never liked died and left you ten bazillion bucks?

I suppose because I used to write TV sit coms for a living, it did occur to me that from start to finish the impeachment saga resembled a very long sit com. It certainly had enough goofy characters to carry it off.

But the more I thought about it, I realized it lacked the one essential ingredient that all the great shows had.

Whether it was Mary Richards on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” Rob Petrie on “The Dick Van Dyke Show,” Bob Hartley on “The Bob Newhart Show,” Barney Miller on “Barney Miller,” Alex Reiger on “Taxi,” Hawkeye Pierce on “MAS*H” or Alice Kramden on “The Honeymooners,” amidst all the zany, eccentric characters, there is always one sane person with whom the audience can identify, a character who can react as they think they would if they, too, were surrounded by lovable goofballs, which they very likely are; although probably not as lovable in real life as on TV.

That’s what was lacking. No matter how goofy Pelosi, Schumer, Nadler and Schiff, were, there wasn’t a single seemingly normal Democrat around who would look at them, shake his head and say: “Come on, guys, quit horsing around. Let’s get back to work before we all wind up with pink slips. At the very least let’s look busy.”

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