The Patriot Post® · Math for Dummies

By Burt Prelutsky ·
https://patriotpost.us/opinion/69086-math-for-dummies-2020-03-16

When I hear liberals toss around numbers that make no sense, I find myself wondering if it’s all the fault of the new math they began teaching after I was out of school.

But since some of the people who are the worst offenders are nearly as old as I am, I know that can’t be the entire answer.

I mean, even Bernie Sanders has to realize there’s not enough money in America to pay for all the “free” stuff he’s promising to deliver if elected. And Joe Biden, who’s only a few months younger than Bernie, is just as bad, with his insistence that 150 million Americans were killed with guns since 2007.

Recently, over on MSNBC, Brian Williams, who’s 60, was chatting with NY Times editorial writer Mara Gay, 29, about Michael Bloomberg’s failed campaign. They actually had the gall to suggest he wasn’t very bright because he’d squandered $500 million and only ended up carrying American Samoa on Super Tuesday. For that same amount, Williams told Ms. Gay, Bloomberg could have given every American one million dollars!

As there are 330 million Americans, the actual amount he could have doled out to each of us is a puny $1.51.

That might have been impressive a long time ago. But these days, you can’t buy very many things, including votes, for $1.51.

What was most disturbing about the exchange is that Ms. Gay didn’t give Mr. Williams a funny look and ask him what he was talking about. Neither did his producer, who is generally in constant touch with the on-air talent through a small receiver in the host’s ear. So, although, there may be someone in the cleaning crew at MSNBC who knows that 500 million divided by 330 million is not a million, apparently the folks who are paid the big bucks haven’t the slightest clue.


Speaking of numbers, 76 days into the year, 17,000 Americans have already died of the flu but all you hear about are the handful who have died from the Chinese virus.

On a foggy, snowy day in the Midwest, we have all grown accustomed to that many fatalities in a single highway pileup.

If a small number of deaths can cause the mass hysteria we have all witnessed recently, God only knows what will happen if this country is ever faced with a real life calamity.

In 75 years, we’ve gone from the Greatest Generation to the Lamest. We’re scared of our own shadows, we can’t do basic math and, lately, we’ve begun reacting to coughs and sneezes as if they’re gunshots.


Isn’t it past time that we did something about Daylight Saving Time? Such as get rid of it?

Of all the dumb ideas ever foisted on people, this is truly one of the goofiest.

I have heard it defended as good for farmers and store owners. I say, let them fool around with their own clocks and leave the rest of us alone.

In case you didn’t know, there are two states that don’t bother changing their clocks and watches twice a year. They’re Hawaii and Arizona (except for the Navajo tribal lands), and their farmers and store owners seem to do just fine.


I wonder how Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders are going to get along once they’re both back in the Senate. Although she knew she was out of the race even before Super Tuesday, she stuck around to drain votes away from Sanders, allowing Biden to capture 10 of the 14 states in play, when he would have been lucky to win seven if she’d dropped out a week earlier.

Taking a page out of Hillary Clinton’s playbook, Warren blamed sexism for her dismal showing, even though most Democrats are women.

With their weak grasp on logic and reality, I suppose it makes sense that Democrats have so much trouble when it comes to arithmetic.


There are times when you don’t really need a fully functioning crystal ball to recognize the inevitable long before certain things take place. For instance, you didn’t need to be Nostradamus to recognize that once the Boy Scouts of America threw open its doors to homosexual scout leaders, an army of attorneys would start licking their lips in anticipation of the lawsuits that would eventually be heading their way.

In the same way, it didn’t take Carnac the Magnificent to foresee the end result of people tossing biology out the window and pandering to the freaks who insisted they be allowed to deny their own gender in the name of political correctness. In Chicago, a tranny man, convicted of murder, raped a female inmate at the jail where he was incarcerated.

What’s more, the woman lost her prison privileges for the crime of reporting the assault.


After Chief Justice John Roberts chastised Sen. Chuck Schumer, who, while playing to a crowd of abortion enthusiasts, threatened Justices Gorsuch and Kavanaugh.

In Schumer’s defense, the Democrats pointed to Trump’s referring to a female judge who had displeased him as an “Obama judge.”

At the time, Roberts, who isn’t really as stupid as he sometimes appears, insisted there’s no such thing as a Democrat judge or a Republican judge. But of course there is, which explains why there are so many split 5-4 decisions.

But what people should find the most disturbing is the false moral equivalency in which liberals love to engage.

Sometimes, when a serial killer is executed, the pinheads will insist that what the state did is just as bad as what he did.

Sometimes, as Steven Spielberg managed in “Munich,” they like to pretend that when Israel tracked down and executed the Arabs who murdered 11 Israelis at the Munich Olympics, they were no better than the terrorists.

And sometimes, they pretend that threatening the physical safety of Supreme Court justices is no worse than saying someone is an “Obama judge,” even if she happens to be an Obama judge.


Like me, Patrick Miano has run out of patience with college coeds who show up at frat parties, get stinking drunk, go up to some jock’s room, get raped by one or more punks and then seems shocked that the evening didn’t go as planned.

“"Who do they think they’re going to meet?” Miano asked rhetorically. “Prince Charming?”

“More likely,” I replied, “to be Prince Andrew.”


When I think about the Girl Scouts, I picture the tiny tykes surrounding me as I exit my local supermarket and shaming me into buying a box of over-priced cookies.

But until I heard from Ralph Barnett, I had been unaware that the leadership of the GSUSA is connected at the hip to Planned Parenthood.

After I looked into it, I discovered that the leadership is also favorably disposed to homosexuality.

In the future, I just may have to plow over the Munchkins when they try to hogtie me and make me buy those thin mint cookies, which aren’t all that bad. But what are those tasty little cookies compared to my principles?