The Patriot Post® · Cities Passing for Blondes

By Burt Prelutsky ·

The Pacific Northwest is as beautiful as any part of this country. But the way things are going in Portland and Seattle, people will soon be telling the kind of jokes about them that in the past were reserved for Poles, hillbillies and blondes.

In the past, that part of the country didn’t get a lot of attention.

As a baseball fan, it was even hard for me to remember that Seattle fielded a major league team. It seemed more appropriate that they’d be represented in the Canadian hockey league.

Whereas in the past, when people spoke about strange creatures dwelling up there, they meant Big Foot, now they have Portland mayor Ted Wheeler and Seattle’s supreme monarch, Jenny Durkan, in mind.

We all remember how Ms. Durkan allowed the mob to take control of six blocks of prime real estate in downtown Seattle until they had the chutzpah to begin “peacefully demonstrating” outside her front door. Only then did she drop the hammer on the left-wing bozos.

In the meantime, seeing how much TV time Durkan was receiving, Portland’s Wheeler decided to grab some of that attention for himself.

After nearly two months of constant rioting, he had the gall to blame the presence of federal law enforcement for the unending violence.

It would be so enjoyable to watch Antifa and the BLM turn the two formerly gorgeous cities into urban cesspools if it was only the morons who elected Wheeler and Durkan who suffered the consequences. But as happened in Minneapolis, New York, L.A., Atlanta, Baltimore and Philadelphia, it’s the decent hard-working Republicans who suffer the brunt of the carnage.

What’s more, there’s no guarantee that people dumb enough to elect the likes of Eric Garcetti, Bill de Blasio, Lori Lightfoot, Ted Wheeler, Jenny Durkan and Atlanta’s Keisha Lance Bottoms, in the first place, won’t continue to keep believing the riots have something to do with George Floyd and racist cops.

So far as I can tell, they are so easily buffaloed, they are incapable of recognizing they are being played by the likes of George Soros and his merry band of billionaire anti-Trump, China-loving, globalists, such as Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Charles Koch, Michael Bloomberg and Pierre Omidyar.

Speaking of Mayor Bottoms, wouldn’t you think that someone with that last name wouldn’t go around flaunting a middle name of Lance, for fear it would call to mind a boil on a butt?

Speaking of mayors, black females in Chicago, Baltimore, San Francisco, New Orleans, Atlanta and Washington, D.C., keep talking about the falling crime statistics even as they work to defund or even eliminate their police departments.

What they selectively ignore is that there are fewer arrests because the cops have either been ordered to stand down or because the mayors and district attorneys are releasing the criminals back into the community under the new loony tunes program called “catch and release.” It may work for fishermen, but it’s a lousy way to run a police department or to protect the people who pay your inflated salaries.

In spite of justice delayed generally recognized as justice denied, the start date for Jeffrey Epstein’s pimp extraordinaire Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial has been set for July 12, 2021.

All over the country, people are buying a date between today and next July 12th in office pools, trying to guess when Hillary Clinton’s resident Dr. Kevorkian will help Ms. Maxwell commit suicide.

It seems that the National Museum of African-American Culture, an adjunct of the Smithsonian, has paid tribute to white Americans, even if that wasn’t their intention. In fact, they obviously intended it to be anything but complimentary, but apparently we white folks are just so darn magnificent, they couldn’t help themselves.

The Museum accuses whites of displaying their sense of racial superiority by promoting self-reliance; the nuclear family; objective and rational linear thinking; hard work as a key to success; respect for authority; planning for the future; pushing for progress; the belief that tomorrow will be better; and being polite.

Apparently, if you think any or all of those things are worthwhile, you are, according to the Museum, no better than a hood-wearing, night-riding, clansman.

As a white man, I must confess I’m stung. All along, I thought being self-reliant, clear-thinking, forward-looking and polite, were virtues. Boy, talk about the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!

As some of you know, I use my cell phone about as often as an Australian aborigine uses his. I don’t like receiving calls or placing them and I have never replied to a text in my life. I’m not bragging. I even know I’ve made it a little bit inconvenient for people trying to reach me, but I try to make up for it by regularly monitoring my email.

Unfortunately, I’m not able to get the message across to politicians. Still, as annoying as it is to be dunned by people running for public office by phone, text and email, for campaign contributions, it’s even worse to be annoyed by people like Nikki Haley, Mike Huckabee, Karl Rove and Newt Gingrich, who are begging me to donate to their PACs. Their inescapable message is that they know how to spend my money better than I do.

But, then, isn’t that how every Democrat in Congress and in state houses, and nearly every Republican, feels about my money and your money, as well?

When it comes to voting, there are two items on the candidate’s resumé I tend to ignore.

The first is that he’s been a Civil Rights activist, a shabby list that includes Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, John Conyers and the recently departed John Lewis. While it’s true that each did his part to improve the lives of black people, those people happened to be Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, John Conyers and John Lewis.

Another group of candidates I’m not particularly inclined to vote for are those who served in the military. For one thing, I don’t really know what kind of service they performed. For another, I’m not sure why having served in uniform necessarily prepares you for a career in politics. Unless getting used to taking marching orders from superior officers prepares you to take them from Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi and an army of Washington lobbyists.

Not since George Washington have military veterans really distinguished themselves in the corridors of political power. Let us keep in mind that for every decent vet like Tom Cotton, we’ve had a grubby grab bag that includes Pete Buttigieg, Beto O'Rourke, Tulsi Gabbard, John Conyers, John Dingell, John McCain and John Kerry. That’s probably as many Johns as Ghislaine Maxwell has in her little black book.

When I see young white dopes joining with the BLM in burning cities, defacing historical monuments and throwing rocks and bottles at cops who have been ordered by left-wing mayors to stand there and take it, I recall how revolted I was in the past when I’d see willowy young men at rock concerts holding lighted candles and swaying to “Candle in the Wind.” I would wonder how it was that so many American males had been neutered and that I’d heard nothing about it.

Now I see the young louts rioting and wish America’s veterinarians would get to work before they have a chance to procreate.

I have spotted yet another major difference between people on the Right and those on the Left.

When it comes to coming up with agrarian improvements that make it easier to feed the world, Conservatives find a way to increase the yield of corn, wheat and soy; when those on the Left speak of agrarian reform, it means confiscating the land from the farmers who own it and handing it to those who want it, and who would stop growing potatoes, carrots and hay and start growing poppies and pot, the better to keep the masses stoned and politically apathetic.

I heard from one of my religious subscribers who worries more about how I’ll spend eternity than I do.

Although I appreciate his concern, I let him know that while I hope there is an afterlife if only so I can believe that the evil that men do will finally be dealt with, I can’t force myself to believe “any more than you could be forced not to believe.”

I went on: “The nice thing is that it doesn’t matter whether or not I believe. What will be will be. At least when I behave as decently as I try to, it’s not because I think I’ll be rewarded for it in the hereafter, but because I’m convinced that it’s the right thing to do.

"I can only control the here and now, and not worry about the after.”