From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

Iranian dissidents revealed the location of a secret nuclear plant Thursday in the mountains west of Teheran. It tells us two things. Now we know why Iran is being so defiant and why Americans keep getting arrested while hiking in the mountains west of Teheran.

Fidel Castro was conciliatory toward the United States government in an interview this week in the Atlantic Monthly. He’s got only two months left to get the U.S. Congress to lift the trade embargo. Democrats don’t see Cuba as the enemy, they see it as the cigar room.

Andy Griffith’s approval ratings in North Carolina plummeted Thursday after he did a commercial for President Obama’s health care reform. Talk about forgetting your roots. When Andy Griffith was the sheriff in Mayberry for eight years, you never even saw a black cow on the show.

Hillary Clinton suggested Wednesday that U.S. bases be put in Mexico to battle the drug cartels like we once did in Colombia. The intervention worked. It stopped all the dollars flowing into South America for cocaine and now everybody is on meth manufactured right here in the good old USA.

U.S. Marines stormed a cargo ship off Somalia Thursday, rescuing both crew and cargo from Somali pirates. These pirates recognize no borders, pay no taxes and operate under no laws regulating commerce. They are the only thing keeping the global economy going.

Sotheby’s is auctioning the Aston Martin sports car which James Bond drove in Thunderball. The car has rear barrels which squirts streams of oil and it can drive on water. President Obama wants all the money from the sale of the car to go to the victims of James Bond.

President Obama signed a bill into law Saturday reducing the prison time for crack cocaine possession. No cameras were allowed at the bill signing. It’s believed to be the first bill-signing ceremony ever timed to coincide with the Video Music Awards after-party.

The White House launched a computer website Friday to help people get jobs immediately. It matches applicant skills to available openings in two seconds. President Obama tested out the website for reporters Friday and it hired him as mayor of Chicago.

The Census Bureau releases a study on the income gap between men and women today. It found the smallest salary difference in history. The pay gap between men and women has really narrowed over the last few years because unemployment checks are all the same.

The White House announced Tuesday that President Obama has written a children’s book which will be released in November called Of Thee I Sing. They said the book will be a tribute to his favorite American in all U.S. history. It’s his third autobiography.

The Department of Education said student loan defaults are way up since the U.S. government took over the program this year. They will forgive your loan if you agree to work for the government for ten years. Leave it to our first black president to bring back indentured servitude.

Cuba announced Monday it will shed five hundred thousand government bureaucrats and allow private businesses to start hiring. This is big news. We’ve just learned that the private sector is going to come back in America but it’s going to take fifty years.

Senator Harry Reid proposed U.S. citizenship Wednesday for any illegal immigrant with two years of college or U.S. military service. It’s controversial. He denied that he’s offering amnesty through the back door but if this were a movie it’d be called Last Tango in Phoenix.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store