Burt Prelutsky / Mar. 1, 2021

An Autopsy of the Election

At a quick glance, a couple of things should leap out at you even if you’re not a CPA.

I know the Democrats are compelled to pretend that the presidential election was on the up and up, and to question the results means you’re a Fascist who should lose your job if you happen to have one, be knocked off social media because you’re a threat to democracy, and if you dare talk back, be jailed and perhaps executed.

But even the biggest jackass in the Democratic Party has to entertain a small doubt when he considers the following numbers.

They are the popular votes collected by the two competitors in the most recent four elections.

In 2008, Barack Obama defeated John McCain, 69.5 million votes to 59.8 million. In 2012, President Obama defeated Mitt Romney 66 million to 61 million. (It marked the first time in U.S. history that a victorious presidential candidate received fewer votes the second time around.)

In 2016, Hillary Clinton defeated Donald Trump in the popular vote count 65 million to 62.8 million.

In 2020, Joe Biden allegedly received 81 million to President Trump’s 74 million.

At a quick glance, a couple of things should leap out at you even if you’re not a CPA.

For one thing, the total votes cast for the two candidates started at 129.4 million in 2008, and decreased in 2012 to 127 million, before increasing slightly to 127.8 million four years later.

Then, last November, the number suddenly jumped to 155 million!

Where did all those Democrats suddenly appear from? Is it conceivable that they were holding out for the crime boss for all those years? I mean, it couldn’t be from disgruntled Republicans who were fed up with Trump’s boorish behavior and his silly tweets because he, unlike Obama, actually increased his numbers the second time around by over 11 million votes.

We also know that Trump increased his numbers among blacks and Latinos.

We know that Hillary Clinton didn’t mount much of a campaign, but it was a lot better than Biden’s, and yet we’re supposed to believe that whereas she got roughly the same number of votes as Obama, Biden received 12-15 million more votes than either of them.

On our side of the aisle, it sounds nearly as stupid to hear Republican politicians and TV pundits ponder the future of the Party in the post-Trump era. Without Trump, there is no future at this point.

To hear nattering nabobs like Mitch McConnell, Karl Rove and Jonah Goldberg, write off Trump as a badly tarnished has-been, makes you realize that all the dummies are not ensconced on the other side of the aisle.

There are Republicans I like and would vote for in a non-Trump universe, people like Tom Cotton, Josh Hawley, John Kennedy, Ted Cruz, Jim Jordan, Devin Nunes, Matt Gaetz and a few others. But none of them can draw a crowd and not one of them — or all of them put together — can point to a list of accomplishments that is even worth comparing to what Trump pulled off in four years.

People like Mitt Romney, Lisa Murkowski, Ben Sasse and Susan Collins, can portray Trump as a bull in a china shop, but in reality he is the 800-pound gorilla in their living room and they dismiss him at their own peril.

If I didn’t know better, I would think that the combination of the BLM/Antifa riots and the draconian lockdown were a plot by the Democrats to get millions of people to leave California and New York.

As I see it, both states are so liberal, they can afford to wave good-bye to those moving to places like Arizona, Nevada, Colorado, Idaho, Texas, Georgia, North Carolina and Florida.

That’s because they know the morons who are running away from the result of left-wing policies are still Democrats by birth and habit. They will pack up their politics along with the sofas, rugs, bedroom sets and silverware, and keep voting for the same sort of jackasses who compelled them to uproot themselves in the first place.

Texas, which generally exhibits better sense than to mimic California, has turned 25% of its energy needs over to wind power. At the best of times, that is a pinheaded decision. That’s because wind and solar are as unreliable as the weather. Recently, when a cold front hit Texas, those huge, ugly, bird-killing, windmills froze. And just like that, hundreds of thousands of Texans were off the power grid and freezing.

The irony, of course, is that Texas is the hub of oil and natural gas. It was like a grocer starving to death.

One can only hope that at some point, this country will put on its big boy pants and turn to nuclear power. Perhaps Democrats could be won over if they were told that nuclear power is the sophisticated source of energy, it’s the one, after all, that the French use.

In Washington state, Governor Islee is such a racist idiot that he is placing not only blacks, but Islamic groups like CAIR, at the head of the line to receive vaccinations.

In the meantime, Nancy Pelosi wants a 9/11-type commission to investigate the events of January 6th. Most Americans, who aren’t partisan harpies, would much prefer an investigation of Gov. Andrew Cuomo and his Covid-19 policies that led directly to the nursing home deaths of 15,000 elderly parents and grandparents.

It seems that the Olympic Committee, one of the most corrupt organizations on the planet, has determined that the 2022 Winter Games will be held in China.

It is one of the most boneheaded ideas since the same Committee thought it would be a neat idea to give legitimacy to Nazi Germany in 1936 and have Adolf Hitler host the Games.

Speaking of false legitimacy, leave it to Joe Biden to rejoin the World Health Organization just as it was delivering a whitewashed report regarding the origin of the Wuhan virus, suggesting it probably began at a U.S. military base in Maryland.

I think it behooves someone in Biden’s inner circle to tell him that it’s perfectly permissible for him to leave a couple of his predecessor’s decisions in place.

Sometimes it takes me a while to notice things that are right under my nose. For instance, why is hump day spelled Wednesday when we all pronounce it as if it were spelled Wensday?

My question is how do we correct this silly mistake? It shouldn’t be impossible. After all, the media managed to switch colors on us. For decades, red was the official color of Communism. The Soviet flag was red. All Communist flags were red. During the late 40s and into the 50s, everybody referred to actual card-carrying Communists as Reds and those who merely supported their aims as Pinkos.

It was TV, once it went to color, that introduced those political maps on election night. But for a while, there was no unity. On one network, the Republican states were blue, the Democratic ones red. If you switched channels, you might see the reverse.

It was finally decided that the networks should be consistent. But the fact that final decision reversed decades of tradition strongly suggested it wasn’t determined by a coin toss. I have to believe the network honchos, nearly as liberal then as they are today, realized that red still instilled the same reaction on members of their audience as it does on bulls in the ring, cynically switched the color scheme. Scheme is right.

Here in California, the Recall Newsom movement looks like it will make the ballot, meaning he and his slicked-back hair will be able to move to Las Vegas where he can take his rightful role as a casino pit boss.

Stu Sullivan sent me an email, pointing out: “How ironic that for the recall petition, signature verification is required, unlike those mail-in ballots four months ago.”

As you probably know by now, I record everything I watch on TV so that I can fast-forward, mainly through commercials and some of the Democrats who appear on Fox News panels, but every once in a while I fast-forward too quickly and then have to back up. Last night, as I was backing up, I came across a commercial for an outfit called Leaf Filter.

I was so intrigued, I actually watched it for a few seconds. The set-up is a room filled with married couples sitting on chairs, enthralled by what the instructor is telling them.

Now, I understand that commercials aren’t exactly documentaries. But who came up with the notion of a dozen couples coming together to hear someone tell them, not how to get to Heaven or make a million dollars or even how to find love in a lonely world, but to learn all there is to know about rain gutters?

I don’t think they meant the commercial to be funny, but it made me laugh.

You can email Burt directly at [email protected]

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