The Patriot Post® · The Blame Game

By Burt Prelutsky ·

Once it’s served its purpose as the title of this article, I think I’ll pitch it to a TV network. I think it would be a smash. The contestants would be people who think they have a legitimate gripe against an individual, the politicians or society in general.

Dope-smoking slackers could come on America’s favorite TV show and whine about how their parents didn’t warn them against majoring in Comic Books of the 20th Century and, instead, enabled them by paying their college tuition; blacks could come on and blame white people for the fact they were raised by single uneducated women in fatherless homes; transgenders can complain about hardware stores that refuse to hire baldheaded guys with beards wearing dresses to wait on customers.

The home audience could phone in their votes and pick the Whiner of the Week. There would be prizes, of course. Companies would line up to donate cars, big screen TVs and vacations to exotic locales, just like with “Wheel of Fortune.”

Even people I would describe as normal, average Americans (at the risk of being culture canceled) could come on the show and unload their grievances.

For instance, if the show were already on the air, I would expect someone to come on the show and complain that the two black teenage girls who carjacked and killed a Pakistani Uber driver aren’t going to be prosecuted for their crime.

Someone else might want to complain that neither are Jane Fonda, Hillary Clinton or any member of the Biden crime family.

Somebody else might wish to lower the boom on Hollywood for glamorizing violence. I’m not sure I’d go along with that because violence has always been a staple of movies and literature , going back to the Bible. Whether one regards its depiction as glamorous has more to do with the person’s psyche than with its presentation.

But to be honest about it, who doesn’t feel his heart swell a little bit when Sean Connery’s Irish cop beats the crap out of the crooked police chief in “The Untouchables” or when Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow get riddled with tommy gun bullets at the end of “Bonnie & Clyde”?

I do have one bone to pick with Hollywood, though. I blame the industry for all the innocent bystanders who are murdered by black and Hispanic gangbangers. I trace that back to the fact they’re always shown holding their guns sideways. It’s no wonder they’re always knocking off little kids and old ladies, even though they think they’re aiming at their competitors.

If the punks were trying to hit the side of a barn, they’d wind up killing three cows in the pasture.

In my continued attempt to bring some semblance of order to the illegal immigration problem, I am calling for the initiation of a program to spay and neuter the entire population of Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador.

I realize that at first glance this would appear to be a draconian solution. But draconian problems call for a serious response.

I figure if things are so awful down in Central America that parents are handing over three-year-old’s to be dropped over 20-foot border walls by coyotes, it’s high time to introduce mandatory birth control.

With the $8,000 or $10,000 they’re currently paying to have their kids transported by rapists and pedophiles, they could remodel their kitchens.

On a somewhat related topic, it occurred to me that expecting Joe Biden to cure any of the problems currently plaguing America, most of which he caused, is like going to an abortionist to deliver your baby.

After I mentioned that the city of Evanston, Illinois, had decided to pay reparations to its black residents, Nancy Thorner, who lives nearby, let me know that the city is so left-wing that Jan Schakowsky, a Communist, is currently serving her twelfth term in the House.

Mrs. Thorner reminded me that Northwestern has a campus in Evanston.

That led to my responding: “America would be greatly improved if college towns were eliminated from the landscape. Now that I think of it, I’d also do away with colleges. What I would like to see are trade schools for the professions. If you wish to be a plumber or an electrician, you don’t waste four years and a ton of money wasting your time on stuff that has nothing to do with pipes and wires?

It should be the same with people who wish to become lawyers, doctors, engineers, architects, chemists, actors and professional athletes.

The only reason the colleges make people waste their undergraduate years on non-essential courses is in order to milk students and their parents of their savings.

Colleges are like super-spreading cancers. When it comes to spreading anti-American, pro-Communist, propaganda, the colleges are the academic equivalent of the Wuhan lab.

Arthur Lourea sent me my two favorite memes this week. In the first, we see a brute beating a person on the ground. It reads: "Socialism: It works so well, it has to be mandatory.”

The second is accompanied by a photo of Sen. Rand Paul, but I can’t vouch for his having said the following: “Your sports league might be a little woke if it will freely do business with Communists in China and Cuba but boycotts a U.S. state that wants people to show an ID to vote.”

I heard from a subscriber who let me know that she would have written sooner except that “Our computer threw a tantrum.”

I don’t think I had ever heard it described quite that way, but it led me to reply: “Now that you mention it, I have noticed that computers behave an awful lot like teenagers. The chief difference is that computers don’t smell as badly unless, of course, you spill milk on the keyboard and don’t clean it up quickly enough.”

I was aware of Delta’s hypocrisy in calling for Major League Baseball to pull the All-Star Game out of Atlanta over a bill requiring photo IDs for voting, when the airline requires photo IDs to board one of their airliners.

What hadn’t registered until I heard someone mention it on Tucker Carlson’s show is that Coca Cola has expanded into adult beverages, meaning its customers have to provide photo IDs to buy their product.

After I wrote about how awful I regard traditional Jewish food, Suzan Reiner let me know that “The Chinese restaurant we used to go to in Kew Gardens, Queens, New York, listed wontons on the menu with ‘kreplach’ in parentheses.”

For the uninitiated, kreplach are the Jewish version of Chinese dumplings. So, the mention of kreplach on the menu was not intended as a warning, as the sound of the word might suggest.

Howard Last, another Jew whose palette hasn’t been totally destroyed by his mother’s cooking, let me know that he found gefilte fish every bit as vile as I did. If you’ve never had the Jewish delicacy that tastes every bit as terrible as it sounds, let me just say that even people who claim to love it have to smother it in horseradish to pass it off as food.

My own mother had some very fine qualities, but cooking wasn’t one of them. I always felt she had a green thumb, but I only wish she had employed it in the garden.

There is a reason that we Jews are known as the People of the Book, not the Kitchen.

You can email Burt directly at [email protected]