From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

President Obama hosted dinner at the White House on Thanksgiving. After dinner the chef served up blueberry pie, sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie, banana cream pie, cherry pie and apple pie. We used to win wars to inspire children to want to grow up to be president.

DEA agents found a half-mile-long tunnel which ran underground from Tijuana to San Diego. It has railroad tracks and a rail car. It’s so organized that every trafficker is groped by a screener at the tunnel entrance to make sure that he’s armed and dangerous.

Sarah Palin misspoke during her Thanksgiving Day radio address urging Americans to stand by our North Korean allies. Perhaps it’s generational. Insiders say that last summer President Obama was this close to asking Congress to declare war on West Korea.

North Korea threatened a nuclear war on the United States last Friday. You’d think that China would side with the U.S. on this one. Normally a sense of fair play makes you want to help the little guy kill the big guy, but not if the big guy owes you a hundred trillion dollars.

Michelle Obama received the White House Christmas tree at the mansion’s South Portico driveway on live television. However, the TV cameras left her for a shot of her husband watching from an upstairs window as he iced one of his two busted lips. The first one was for his basketball injury and the second one will be for scene stealing.

Homeland Security said it’s planning a new terror alert warning code to replace yellow, orange and red alerts. They want everyone’s full attention. Instead of color codes they’re just going to tell you if the TSA is playing hard to get today.

President Obama expressed anger over the leaked WikiLeaks documents revealing the secret content of trans-Atlantic State Department cables. He is livid. President Obama left specific directions that the U.S. and Britain were not to run the world.

South Korea’s president responded carefully to North Korean attacks. He named a new defense minister Kim to replace former defense minister Kim to confront North Korea’s leader Kim, who’s grooming his heir Kim. Every year the north’s Dear Leader says that voter confusion costs him the title of People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.

WikiLeaks revealed Monday that the U.S. was weighing transferring terror suspects from Guantanamo to Illinois State Prison. They’d like it there. Illinois has the cleanest and best-run prisons in the world because Illinois politicians believe in taking care of their own.

TSA chief John Pistole defended the TSA airport screener pat-down as necessary no matter how personal it feels. Don’t think it can’t get any worse. United just announced it’s going to start charging passengers a twenty-five dollar molestation fee.

Senate Republicans vowed to filibuster Harry Reid’s Dream Act allowing illegal alien kids to go to college if Democrats don’t extend Bush’s tax cuts. Neither side will budge. Democrats can’t wait to get their hands on more tax revenues and Republicans can’t wait for the illegal aliens to get their college degrees, buy their first home and turn Republican.

President Obama’s debt panel commission suggested painful reductions in federal spending Wednesday. No one was spared. They even cited the basketball player who elbowed President Obama in the mouth last Friday, saying the cuts didn’t go far enough.

The White House announced a seven-year ban on oil drilling in the eastern Gulf of Mexico. Democrats decided to anger oil companies the moment they got the right to make unlimited donations. Apparently the strategy is to make the next election so one-sided for Republicans that it offends their English sense of fair play and they donate forty seats back.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store