The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
President Obama’s job approval rating hit a new low in a poll last week. He is getting no respect. Last week Bill Clinton upstaged him in the press room and then Friday he heard that Congress adjourned one hour early so they could all go watch The King’s Speech.
The White House hosted a conference of top corporate CEOs last week where they discussed ways to revive the economy. These guys have had enough recession. The economy’s so bad that last night the guy who owns WalMart was seen shopping at WalMart.
Larry King wrapped up twenty-five years on CNN, saying he will do stand-up comedy. That could be fatal. Seventy-five is too old to find out if you’re really funny or if everybody was laughing at your jokes just to butter you up for the airtime all those years.
U.S. Army Dr. Terrence Lakin told a Ft. Meade military court his deployment order is illegal because he doubts that President Obama is U.S.-born. It’s a partisan issue. Republicans believe he was born in Kenya and Democrats think he was born in Bethlehem.
Bill Clinton said he favors same-sex marriage today even though he opposed same-sex marriage when he was president. Forget the logic. Gay groups won’t accuse him of inconsistency because, to be fair, he opposed his own marriage when he was president.
Senate Republicans pushed hard last Friday to pass a military supplementary spending bill. It funds the War on Terror. President Obama just unveiled a plan to shut down Guantanamo for good, he’s going to turn it into a small business and let the economy do the rest.
Mexico reported that thirty thousand Mexicans were killed last year in drug cartel shootouts near the border. The violence has slowed illegal immigration into the U.S. The news broke on Facebook, where Arizona was the first to press the Like button.
The TSA was red-faced at Houston Airport last week when someone accidentally carried a loaded gun through security. How did that happen? TSA screeners grabbed every thirty-eight that came through the security gate and didn’t find one attached to a trigger or a barrel.
Mexico had a huge prison break in the northern border district town of Nuevo Laredo Sunday, mobilizing Mexico’s army and the U.S. Border patrol. One hundred and forty Mexicans got out. More prisoners would have escaped but they only had one getaway car.
The U.S. Senate voted to allow gays to serve openly in the military Saturday. It won’t be too difficult. Gay soldiers and straight soldiers will do the same time in basic training, but the gays have to stay an extra week to learn how to hate the French.
Toyota was fined thirty-two million dollars by the U.S. government for covering up its sudden acceleration problem in May. No one’s forgotten about it. Yesterday a prosecutor in New Jersey dropped a Mafia case when he woke up and found a Toyota in his driveway.
The U.S. Senate debated the START nuclear arms treat with Russia Tuesday. It’s in our national interest to be on Russia’s good side. Russians have always hated the Chinese and if Russia goes to war and wipes out China, then we don’t owe anybody anything.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger dropped hints Tuesday that he would like a post in the Obama administration. However, he’s admitted in past interviews to smoking pot and having sex with hookers. That’s what it took for the Kennedy family to accept him.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].