From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

President Obama urged Moammar Khadaffi to step down but refused to send U.S. troops to Libya. The Obama Doctrine is in effect. If Moammar Khadaffi keeps up his dangerous behavior, the U.S. will send in the Department of Social Services to forcibly remove his sons.

President Obama hinted at U.S. willingness to intervene in Libya under the cover of NATO. He had to weigh the risks. Trying to overthrow Khadaffi might cost him his next Nobel Peace Prize, but Nobel still awards prizes for medicine, physics and comedy-variety.

Michelle Obama received Mike Huckabee’s support for her diet and exercise proposals to help kids fight obesity. The U.S. government also has a new fitness plan to help get adults out and walking several miles a day. It’s called four-dollar-a-gallon gasoline.

The White House considered tapping the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to increase U.S. oil supplies and ease prices. It’s a start. Until now, the only plan Democrats have had to increase the number of barrels of oil produced is to decrease the size of the barrels.

The White House vowed to work with Congress to cut waste in spending after two GAO reports came out. The reports said it all. The first report said the U.S. spends ten billion a year on fifteen redundant government programs and the second report said the U.S. government spends ten billion a year on fifteen redundant government programs.

Best Buy was reported to be planning to give brand-new Apple iPads to all sales associates who work in the store. It’s so they can better help their customers. Not to be outdone, WalMart just announced it’ll give free Life Alert bracelets to all its greeters.

The White House hosted a dinner for Mexico’s President Felipe Calderon. It’s part of an annual exchange program. Once a year the American president goes to Mexico to visit our jobs, and once a year the president of Mexico comes to America to visit his people.

The U.S. Border Patrol in Arizona was ordered to fire only beanbags at Mexican drug runners. No one’s happy. Arizonans want a wall, the cops say beanbags stop nothing, and Mexicans are demanding they use live ammunition because beans are an offensive racial stereotype.

Hillary Clinton was upset by an NCIS episode on CBS last week which depicted her being held hostage by al-Qaeda. It was her third appearance in a crime series. The first one ran for eight years in Arkansas and the second one ran for eight years in Washington.

President Obama met Hillary Clinton and CIA Director Leon Panetta in the White House to plot the next move against Khadaffi. They’ve decided to do the only thing they know how to do. They’re going to run commercials against him in Iowa.

USA Today reported California census numbers showing that white people are fleeing the state. Every year Hispanics are a larger percentage of the population. The state law requiring everybody to have car insurance is not having the intended effect.

Nebraska lawmakers tabled an Arizona-style immigration bill Wednesday that had wide popular support. It was a tough vote for Democrats. When asked about the bill some Democrats said they were still on the fence while many others said they’d just hopped over it.

Senator Harry Reid gave a speech to Nevada state lawmakers last week and urged them to outlaw prostitution. Better they keep hookers legal and outlaw the politicians. At least the hookers are up front about what they plan to do to you after you give them your money.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store