The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
President Obama went to Ground Zero in New York City to mark Osama bin Laden’s death. So much has changed in the past ten years. Bush said we will get whoever did this, and Obama said we will give whoever did this a culturally sensitive funeral.
The CIA analyzed the intelligence retrieved from bin Laden’s house. The terrorist lived inside a compound with nine women and twenty-three kids. President Obama said that we aren’t at war with Islam, however we might be at war with Mormonism.
The Pentagon said the SEALs failed to destroy the secret stealth helicopter left behind in bin Laden’s yard. The Pakistanis may well sell it to the Chinese. By this time next year we’ll be able to buy them for one-fourth the price that Bell Helicopter charges us.
BP paid a fine to the U.S. government to settle an old offshore spill in Alaska. It was the last fine for a while. President Obama lost the moral high ground on offshore drilling last week when he started dumping fish food into the ocean that may contain lead.
The U.S. asked Pakistan to return the stealth chopper the SEALs left burning in bin Laden’s yard. It offers an explanation as to why he offered no resistance. Bin Laden woke up, looked out the window, saw the flames, and just assumed he had already died.
A Brooklyn Jewish newspaper apologized for editing Hillary Clinton out of the photo showing Obama’s security team watching the Navy SEALs kill bin Laden in real time. Her hand is over her mouth. The camera catches her realizing that Obama could get re-elected.
The N.Y. Times said Tuesday President Obama ordered two extra choppers and forty extra commandos for the raid on bin Laden’s compound. It was in case they had to fight the Pakistani Army to get out of there. Pakistan doesn’t know whether to be more insulted that we invaded their country or that we could defeat their army with forty U.S. commandos.
General Motors posted its biggest quarterly profit in ten years, making three billion dollars in earnings. They did it by selling large trucks and SUVs. Democrats are beginning to wonder if President Obama wears a bracelet inscribed What Would Bush Do?
Donald Trump backed out of driving the Indy 500 pace car when local Democrats protested that Trump’s questioning of Obama’s birth certificate meant he was a racist. The Democrats got their way. Now Colin Powell will wave the Confederate flag to start the race.
President Obama touted the quarter-million new jobs reported last week at a speech in Indianapolis. However, one-fourth of the new jobs were for McDonald’s new graveyard shift. The rest are emergency room nurses trained to treat McDonald’s-related illnesses.
The Postal Service announced it will pinpoint post offices for closure in June due to reduced demand. That could turn around. Gas is so expensive that it’ll soon be cheaper for people to mail themselves to wherever they’re going on vacation this summer.
A Continental flight to Chicago had to be diverted to St. Louis Saturday. A man tried to walk out of the airplane through the emergency door at thirty thousand feet. If you thought airport security was slow before, just wait til they start screening for mental stability.
El Paso police killed a mountain lion that slipped into town before President Obama arrived Tuesday. The chase lasted all morning before they shot it. They couldn’t take a chance that the mountain lion might run onto the golf course and distract the president.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton