From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

President Obama courted Hispanics, offering citizenship to anyone who will register, pay their back taxes and learn English. The president and the crowd share an unbreakable bond. They all bought their birth certificates in MacArthur Park in Los Angeles.

Bill Clinton backed Pakistan as an ally while admitting Pakistan has anti-U.S. factions. He said the U.S. relationship with Pakistan is complicated. And no one understands complicated relationships like the man whose business cards read, Every Woman’s Plan B.

Michelle Obama invited rap star Common to the White House for Poetry Day. His lyrics have saluted cop killers, derogated white women, and called for the burning of President Bush. He was at the White House to kick off his campaign for Mayor of Detroit.

London’s Daily Mail reported that Prince William and Duchess Kate will come to Los Angeles in July and then go on a tour of California parks. The reception will be hugely enthusiastic. Californians are all learning English to make them feel welcome and at home.

John Boehner gave the commencement speech to the Catholic University of America at their football stadium Saturday. He was denounced by clergy professors for proposing budget cuts. On the other hand, if John Boehner could use his influence to cut the Ten Commandments down to three the priests would carry him off the field on their shoulders.

French Socialists expressed shock at the charges against Dominique Strauss-Kahn in New York. He emerged from his shower and tried to have sex with the maid. This just ruined Bill Clinton’s chances of being named as the next head of the International Monetary Fund.

Mike Huckabee said he won’t run for U.S. president two days before Donald Trump said he won’t run, and it looks like Sarah Palin won’t run. They all have their own TV show. Nobody gives up the highest office in the land to become the Commander in Chief.

Donald Trump announced he will not run for president. NBC had just stated they’d re-cast The Apprentice and do the show without him as host. Donald Trump is the first presidential candidate ever to quit a race to spend more time with his contestants.

Texas lawmakers banned the TSA from patting down passenger’s sex organs but the TSA says the law is on its side. The TSA has the advantage in this argument. They can place the Texas lawyers on the no-fly list as soon as the case gets to the Supreme Court.

IMF president Dominique Strauss-Kahn was denied bail in New York Tuesday and charged with sexual assault. They said he came out of his hotel shower naked and had unwanted sex with the chambermaid. If convicted he could get four to eight years as California governor.

The Corps of Engineers opened spillways on the Mississippi River to save the oil refineries down river. Mississippi farms were swept under water. If George W. Bush had flooded out black farmers to save oil refineries, Michael Moore would have won an Oscar for it.

Denmark’s president added the North Pole to its Greenland territory Tuesday and joked that he hopes the U.S. doesn’t react to the claim the way the U.S. did in Pakistan. It’s a valid point. The difference between Greenland and Pakistan is in Pakistan, the Seals club you to death.

Air Force One missed its approach on a runway Wednesday with President Obama on the plane. The pilot didn’t like cloud cover and pulled up and circled for a second approach. Three newspapers lost their White House credentials for downplaying the threat to the country.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store