Columnist.
Science! It’s given us lasers and spaceships and explained the many great mysteries of life, like what is the sun, where does lightning come from, and what’s the deal with platypuses? Every day, the men in the lab coats tease out more secrets from this universe, and technology solves more of our problems (remember back in the day, when if you were lost in the woods, you couldn’t pull out your phone and quickly look up the filmography of the guy who played Balki in *Perfect Strangers*?).
Obama had a better year than you might think. After all, he didn’t burn the White House down.
Maybe just slowing down the damage a bit until 2016, when some actual change is possible, is the best we can hope for.
People are starting to wonder if maybe -- just maybe -- President Obama takes too many vacations. This is his work week lately: Monday: Get home from vacation.Tuesday: Readjust after being gone for so long.Wednesday: Work.Thursday: Pack for next vacation.Friday: Tee time! And if you’ve ever been by 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, you know that the mailbox out front is constantly stuffed, because no one is ever there to collect the mail.
We should get rid of the word and simply replace it with “some guy.”
Elect Democrats, or witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational health care legislation!
And if you give me a minute, I’ll come up with a reason.
Where did we get this idea that we need to save the environment? Has the environment ever tried to save us?
Do you voters ever get tired of your cruel and capricious standards? I know you probably answered, “No! We’re the voters! We put the average random number generator to shame with our unpredictability!” Still, I have to call you out on this, because I see Bob Filner and Anthony Weiner acting like puppies who just received beatings and have no idea why. Suddenly, everyone wants them to go away, and they can’t figure out the reason.
Maybe it’s time to acknowledge that we’re all too stupid to talk on the subject of race.
What happens if government gets so smart, it becomes self-aware -- like Skynet?
How did we think they’d react when we threatened to tear down all they know over some concept they’ve never even heard of -- math?
What do to about ‘federal fringe’
Everyone knows that white males own guns to compensate for a lack of manhood.
Let’s finally open our arms really wide and embrace our massive debt, swiping the big government credit card to pay all our bills.
Marriage is, at bottom, a religious custom -- a place where government’s writ must not run.
The consequences of being saddled with a non-progressive, dumb chief executive are too horrible to imagine.
Playing half the government against the other half is the only thing keeping its power in check.
The mood in America right now seems to be that “something” must be done about guns. Many Democrats are now openly talking about bringing back the assault weapons and high-capacity magazines ban, while they had previously shivered in fear of gun owners and the violence those heavily armed crazies commit against chads.
