Alexander's Column

What Dogs Hear

By Mark Alexander · Feb. 29, 2008

Who’d have thunk it? Since Super Tuesday, Barack Obama has not only won ten straight nominating contests against Hillary Clinton; he has absolutely crushed her in all of them. His average margin of victory in eight of those states was 32 percent, and his narrowest margin was 17 percent in Wisconsin.

It took Democrats 16 years to figure out the Clintons are a fraud, but Obama has been on the national scene for only 16 months.

Listening to the Demo “debate” in Texas last week, I marveled at how so much could be said without saying anything. I read the transcript twice, looking for substance, but to no avail. I read the transcript from this week’s final debate in Ohio, and still nothing.

Just what is it that Democrats are hearing that has them swooning over Obama?

Pondering this, I recalled an old “Far Side” cartoon by Gary Larson about what dogs hear. The first panel shows a man lecturing his dog: “I’ve told you before, Ginger, stay out of the trash! Do you hear me, Ginger?” The second panel notes, “What dogs hear: ‘Blah blah blah, Ginger. Blah blah blah blah, Ginger?’”

Realizing, then, that most Democrats are from the Far Left Side, I took the combined transcripts of those debates, all 29,607 words, and I transcribed what Demos hear when Obama speaks.

Hold on to your seats!

On the Bush administration: Blah blah, the Bush administration has done so much damage … not real good at listening … poor planning of the current commander-in-chief … politics that is dominated by the powerful … give in to George Bush … blah blah blah blah.

On change: Blah blah, unified to bring about change … working coalition for change … bring this country together … America be as good as its promise … agenda for moving change forward … comprehensive reform … we’ve got to fix that … how change comes about … bring people together … mobilize and inspire … change is going to happen … I intend to change when I am president … debate that I’m happy to have … blah blah blah blah.

On society: Blah blah, racial divisions and religious divisions … they’ve been shut out … a sense of common purpose again and higher purpose … more competitive and more safe … on behalf of families having a tough time … delivering for the American people … debate that I’m happy to have … blah blah blah blah.

On Operation Iraqi Freedom: Blah blah, end to this war in Iraq … a tactical victory imposed upon a huge strategic blunder … most vocal opponents of the war … bogged down in a war … a big strategic blunder … terrible judgment … debate that I’m happy to have … blah blah blah blah.

On healthcare: Blah blah, I believe in universal healthcare … provide healthcare … universal healthcare … mother desperate to get healthcare for her child … anybody who wants healthcare … affordable for everybody … debate that I’m happy to have … blah blah blah blah.

On the economy: Blah blah, economy is in shambles … heartbreaking story after heartbreaking story … entire cities that have been devastated … families suffering … working harder for less … without a job, without healthcare, without a pension … homes about to be foreclosed upon … dipping into retirement accounts … restore a sense of fairness … everybody to prosper … put people back to work … good jobs and good wages … creating a green economy … creating green jobs … generate billions of dollars for solar and wind energy … prosper as we move forward … debate that I’m happy to have … blah blah blah blah.

On taxes: Blah blah, end the Bush tax cuts to the wealthy … stop giving tax breaks … change our tax code … provided tax breaks to people who really needed them as opposed to just the wealthy … blah blah blah blah.

On the Obama campaign: Blah blah, 90 percent of our donations from small donors … not yet the nominee … when I am the nominee … I am the nominee … blah blah blah blah.

On the Obama administration: Blah blah, as President of the United States … prepared to be Commander in Chief … leadership that I’ll show in the future … a top priority … my judgment has been sound … as Commander in Chief … do things differently … create transparency in our government … reduce the special interests … have great plans … a government that is more responsive … the leadership that I want to show when I’m president … as President of the United States … a system that works for everybody … go after the special interests … the judgment to lead … government that is listening … keep the American people safe … that will end when I am president … sounds good … I am happy to have a discussion … blah blah blah blah.

So, did you hear it? Did you feel it? Ginger? Ginger?

Going into next Tuesday’s primaries in Ohio, Texas, Rhode Island and Vermont, Obama leads with 1,365 delegates to Clinton’s 1,268. One of them must obtain 2,025 delegates to win the primary, and Obama must score decisive wins in Texas and Ohio, and must continue his primary winning streak in order to avoid a brokered convention. But that is not likely to happen.

Indeed, reports of Clinton’s defeat have been greatly exaggerated. As noted in this column before, NEVER underestimate the Clintons.

Even if Clinton cannot muster sufficient delegates at the convention, an Obama/Clinton ticket will unite Democrats behind their core mantra: “Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what your country can do for you.”

While conventional wisdom dictates that an Obama/Clinton combo could potentially saddle the ticket with the weight of their collective negatives, Democrats have become chronically undiscerning and the old rules don’t apply.