From The Comedy Store
Mitt Romney was invited to the White House to have a private lunch with President Obama and share ideas on how to spur the economy. The president served turkey chili and a green vegetable for lunch. Mitt didn’t have to ask if Michelle was in town.
President Obama’s Hawaiian vacation retreat is being securitized for a long stay this month. He’s sensitive to people who need official news every day. To keep the comedians happy he has ordered Joe Biden to stay in Washington and say whatever comes to his mind.
China’s incoming president Xi Jinping addressed the Politburo and urged them to be vigilant Friday. He takes office in January. President Obama thought about buying him a gift for his inauguration but it’s a little weird buying someone a gift with their own money.
Bill Clinton offered to share a day in his office with donors who help retire Hillary’s seventy-five thousand dollar campaign debt. You can imagine his sense of urgency. Bill Clinton only has six weeks before she steps down to be alone in his office with his fans.
President Obama warned Congress he is keeping a list of who’s naughty and who’s nice in budget negotiations. That’s a mistake. He’ll be sorry he turned himself into Santa Claus when people start calling him for tech support for their new free cell phones.
NASA reported it has received applications from over four hundred people who have volunteered for a one-way trip to Mars to colonize the planet. What a bad idea. The last people we want starting a civilization on Mars are the people who would volunteer to do it.
Barack Obama went on Twitter to push his proposal that Congress transfer its power to raise the debt ceiling to him. He’s so competitive. Hugo Chavez bet him a thousand dollars he couldn’t seize absolute power in a hundred and forty characters or less.
Investors Daily quoted Michelle Obama telling tourists there are fifty-four Christmas trees in the White House. No president’s ever had fifty-four trees in the house. President Obama insisted on having one Christmas tree for each state in the Union.
NBC News quoted a White House aide who saw the film Lincoln and said that today’s Republicans would support slavery. That’s awful. Nobody’s been in favor of slavery ever since the Democrats opened up the southern border and freed the illegal immigrants.
Fox News chief Roger Ailes reportedly tried to recruit General David Petraeus to run for president last year. It failed. Petraeus agreed to run for president only if Fox News would give Paula Broadwell a job as a news reader, but she’s a brunette so the deal was off.
U.S. Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz accused Republicans of trying to make it a crime to be an illegal alien. Democrats see a conspiracy plot. First Republicans want to say that illegal aliens are illegal, next they’re going to want to take away their voting rights.
President Obama enjoyed playing eighteen holes of golf with Bill Clinton in Maryland. It was his election advice that saved Obama’s re-election. The strategy to hold the minority voters and reach out for women has Bill Clinton’s fingerprints all over it.
President Obama nixed a budget deal offered by Speaker Boehner. He said the GOP offer doesn’t raise taxes, it just closes loopholes. President Obama doesn’t want to close any of the tunnels that smugglers are using to bring his voters into the country.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton