From the Comedy Store
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave no timeline for an end to the Israeli invasion of Gaza. It won’t ever end. Last year an Israeli man’s life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man’s heart in transplant surgery, and now he can’t stop throwing rocks at himself.
Israeli forces advanced into Gaza determined to root out the Hamas militants who fired missiles into Israel and tunneled terrorists into the Jewish state. Hamas leaders say they don’t recognize Israel. Of course they don’t recognize it, they keep blowing it up.
Russia faced international condemnation for supplying missiles to Ukrainian rebels over the past weekend. The Kremlin is worried this could hurt tourism. Vladimir Putin will star in a commercial for Russian tourism in which he urges you to visit Russia before Russia visits you.
The New York Times chided President Obama for appearing disengaged from the world’s crises. That’s just not fair. Last week, when Obama got the call that the airliner had been shot down and that Israel had invaded Gaza, he asked the next three groups if he could play through.
Vladimir Putin warned the West Monday not to try to exploit the airliner shootdown for political gain. The answer was swift. President Obama called Putin and asked him if he had anything that can shoot down questions about going to fundraisers during international crises.
NFL analyst Tony Dungy said Monday he wouldn’t have drafted Michael Sam to avoid the gay controversy. It sparked anger in Washington. Being a Democrat means believing that Michael Sam’s sex life is everybody’s business and that Bill Clinton’s sex life is nobody’s business.
John Kerry arrived in Cairo to try to negotiate a cease fire between Palestinians in Gaza and the Israelis. There’s been a request for the U.S. to guard the border between Palestinians and Israelis. The Palestinians want an easier way to get into Israel than to have to dig tunnels.
The University of Missouri released a study saying Facebook contributes to infidelity and accelerates the opportunity for human depravity. Being on FB is like being in prison. You waste a lot of time alone, you write on walls, and you get poked by people you don’t know every night.
The White House bought a Texas resort for illegal kids with money from the ACA’s tax on tanning salon sessions. It’s the Dream Act provision. Leave it to Obama to subsidize brown people who want to become Americans by taxing Americans who want to become brown people.
The White House took heat for President Obama’s inaction in foreign crises Tuesday. His advisors figured a way to galvanize him into action. They told him next weekend he’ll be golfing in Ukraine then do a talk show in Gaza, and that Vladimir Putin just joined the Tea Party.
President Obama spoke at a fundraiser in L.A. Thursday and ripped Republicans who legally park their money overseas for lower taxes. They’re not being unpatriotic at all. Republicans dream of America someday being the kind of country where they’d be proud to put their money.
© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton
