From The Comedy Store
Barack Obama angered people in both Britain and the U.S. Wednesday when he told Nicolas Sarkozy that the U.S. has no better friend than France. Britain fights with us in Afghanistan but France needs our help with their food prices. The reason Obama’s a Democrat is because he only likes people who need, not people who fight.
Southwest Airlines revealed expansion plans, saying the airline could soon be making international flights. It sparked curiosity from frequent fliers. For nearly a century travelers have wondered what it would be like to take a bus across the Atlantic.
President Obama angered liberals by appointing JP Morgan’s William Daley as his chief of staff. He’s the architect of NAFTA, which infuriated unions. Last month Obama met with Native American chiefs who gave him his Indian name, Dances with Wall Street.
Chicago’s William Daley left JP Morgan Chase to become President Obama’s chief of staff. It came out that his official title at JP Morgan was vice president in charge of social responsibility. Shareholders were so angry that the company’s been socially responsible that they sold off the stock Friday and pulled down the whole market.
Bill O'Reilly will interview President Obama before Fox’s Super Bowl telecast. This past month he’s let the rich keep their tax cuts, named a Wall Streeter his chief of staff and now he’s going to boost Fox News. Obama plans to argue why ObamaCare just won’t work.
Oprah Winfrey launched her own cable network and named it after herself, starring herself. Is there enough attention in the world for this woman? Yesterday Oprah walked onstage and gave each studio audience member a Nobel Peace Prize for Attendance.
President Obama relayed welcome economic news from new Labor Department data late last week. He announced the creation of one hundred and twelve thousand new jobs in America. The bad news is, they’re all vacation planners and drivers for him and his family.
Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg met with China officials about expanding FB operations there. FB is the perfect way to connect in this Age of Isolation. Facebook is the only place where you can talk to a wall without everybody thinking you’re an idiot.
GOP former House Leader Tom DeLay got three years in a Texas prison for campaign fundraising crimes. They should put him in charge of the prison laundry. The shirts will come in as corporate donations and go out as legal campaign contributions.
Democrat Jim Clyburn said the Tucson shootings showed that House members shouldn’t have to go through airport security. Now that’s a statesman. The idea has got nothing to do with the shooting but he proposed the one measure that’ll pass Congress unanimously.
Jeb Bush told a Republican the GOP must reach out more to Hispanics. He believes that Republicans can’t win without the Hispanic vote. He must have been out of the country when the Republicans picked up sixty-three House seats in November.
Democratic House leader Jim Clyburn blamed the Tucson shootings Tuesday on the reading of the U.S. Constitution on the floor of Congress last week. He said reading the U.S. Constitution out loud was an attempt to de-legitimize the president. So he listened to it.
Oklahoma’s GOP governor Mary Fallin got a huge laugh while she took the oath of office Monday. She had a verbal slip and vowed to offend the U.S. Constitution. After the ceremony Sarah Palin called her up and offered her two hundred dollars for the joke.
Barack Obama angered people in both Britain and the U.S. Wednesday when he told Nicolas Sarkozy that the U.S. has no better friend than France. Britain fights with us in Afghanistan but France needs our help with their food prices. The reason Obama’s a Democrat is because he only likes people who need, not people who fight.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].
