From The Comedy Store
The Pentagon confirmed last week it killed al-Qaeda’s new leader in a drone missile attack in western Pakistan. In the last three years, three leaders and their replacement leaders have been killed by the U.S. military. Who says President Obama isn’t creating jobs?
Washington D.C. residents were reeling after being hit by an earthquake and a hurricane in the same week. The streets were chaotic. The Washington Monument had to be closed after the earthquake when former Mayor Marion Barry heard it had crack in it.
Warren Buffett invested five billion in shares of Bank of America after the investor telephoned President Obama. The billionaire is such a meddler. If he can’t raise taxes on the wealthy he at least wants to raise the debit card fees on everyone else.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs resigned for health reasons, thirty-five years after he created the highest-valued company in the world. He plans to remain as chairman. The White House was just relieved it’s not another case of Jobs moving to China or Mexico.
USA Today cited a census report showing that fifteen Southern states lead the U.S. in divorce rates. It’s a nervous region by nature. Tornadoes, banks and former wives get a lot of respect in the South because any one of them can end up with your house.
Bill Clinton discussed his vegan diet, saying while vegetarians don’t eat meat, poultry, fish or seafood, vegans also shun dairy, eggs or honey. His motives are clear. He plans to live long enough for the Constitution to be amended so he can have another term.
The Oakland Raiders and the San Francisco 49ers canceled their annual exhibition pre-season game after fan shootings and fan beatings at Sunday’s games. How about a neutral site? They could save a lot of day passes if they just had the game at Alcatraz Island.
Hurricane Irene hit New York with only thirty mile-an-hour winds three days after a barely-felt earthquake. The panic was embarrassing. People in California and Missouri offered their sympathies to anyone in New York who lost their balance last week.
California’s team defeated Japan’s team to win the Little League World Series in Williamsport. After the game the Japanese kids lined up and high-fived the victorious American team. Everyone loves those World War II reenactments aboard the USS Missouri.
President Obama issued an executive order before going on vacation which gave amnesty to several hundred thousand illegal aliens currently being held in state custody pending deportation. There’s a reason why he did this. He doesn’t want to have Thanksgiving dinner alone.
The Gallup Poll released Monday showed that the oil industry has a higher approval rating than the federal government in Washington. It’s obvious why. The oil companies clean up their messes while the government just rolls theirs over into a new series of bonds.
Charlie Sheen will be roasted by comedians and girlfriends and ex-wives on a Comedy Central show. Everybody loves him despite the scandals. Nobody wants to fly to Little Rock, but the Clinton Presidential Library insisted on hosting the event out of professional courtesy.
The Pentagon confirmed last week it killed al-Qaeda’s new leader in a drone missile attack in western Pakistan. In the last three years, three leaders and their replacement leaders have been killed by the U.S. military. Who says President Obama isn’t creating jobs?
President Obama spoke to American Legionnaires in Minneapolis where he declared the U.S. military is stronger than it’s ever been. And we’re only getting better. Every time we bump off another oil dictator it brings us to the next level of the video game.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
