From The Comedy Store
New York’s Occupy Wall Street protesters argued among themselves about whether they should sew their own sleeping bags with winter coming or engage in capitalism and buy them. Also, they argued over whether to beg for food or buy donuts. It took two hours in the real world to convert the entire movement to supply-side economics.
The White House leaned on Ford Motors to pull its TV commercial critical of auto companies that took bailout money. No one’s out of the woods yet. Two years ago al-Qaeda looked at aerial photos of Detroit and just assumed they’d already been there.
GOP candidate Herman Cain doubled his poll numbers thanks to the strong debate performances by the black conservative. Reaction was swift. Democrats say that if Republicans like Herman Cain over Barack Obama it just shows that they hate foreigners.
The New York Post reported that U.S. Capitol staffers filed a record number of sexual harassment suits. It shows that high salaries, permanent job security, and great health care is not enough for some people in this recession. They want a million dollars per grope.
Michelle Obama smiled for photographers as she shopped at Target. The Secret Service had to secure the store before she arrived. They worked furiously to remove the ice cream and French fries from the snack bar that’s always been out to get her.
China launched its first space lab module in a first step toward China’s space station. The country plans to send an astronaut to the moon in eight years. China can only dream of all the basketball jerseys they’ll sell on a planet where everybody can dunk.
President Obama’s campaign will hold a nationwide raffle for dinner with President Obama for three dollars a ticket. The drawing is held next month and the winner will be announced in Chicago. It’s part of the president’s plan to get the country gambling again.
Bank of America announced a five-dollar monthly debit card fee. It prompted a consumer stampede back to the use of paper checks. President Obama just realized that billions of paper checks in circulation means a lot fewer trees between him and the green.
Boston Red Sox pitchers were reported to have been drinking in the locker room during baseball games this past season. It wasn’t their fault. Throughout their collapse in September the fans were throwing beer on the Red Sox and they didn’t want to be rude and turn it down.
New York police arrested four hundred Occupy Wall Street protesters who clogged up the Brooklyn Bridge, halting all traffic. They demanded free housing, free food, free health care and more totalitarian government. They asked for jail and they got it.
Citibank began charging customers who have a checking account balance less than six thousand dollars a fee of fifteen dollars a month. Customers are in a real bind. If they have less than six thousand dollars in their account they get hit by banking fees and if they have more than six thousand dollars in their account Obama thinks they’re rich.
President Obama asked Congress to make it easier for debt collectors to call people on their cell phones to collect delinquent student loans. That’s awful. How would he feel if China kept calling him in the middle of his backswing to ask why he hasn’t paid them back?
Hank Williams Jr. apologized for comparing President Obama to Adolf Hitler in a Fox News interview. It’s all smoothed all over now. Within two days, the surviving members of the Hitler family appeared on German television and accepted Hank’s apology.
New York’s Occupy Wall Street protesters argued among themselves about whether they should sew their own sleeping bags with winter coming or engage in capitalism and buy them. Also, they argued over whether to beg for food or buy donuts. It took two hours in the real world to convert the entire movement to supply-side economics.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
