From The Comedy Store
Boston Red Sox starting pitchers admitted they drank beer and ate fried chicken on days they didn’t pitch. They have plenty of support. The whole point of the Wall Street protests is the right of four guys to sit around and eat fried chicken while everyone else has to work.
The Bank of America Marathon in Chicago made news last week when a local runner gave birth to a healthy girl after she crossed the finish line. Onlookers had to take up a collection. Bank of America charged her a five dollar withdrawal fee to take the baby out.
Bill Clinton was honored by celebrities at a Hollywood Bowl concert. It was to celebrate his sixty-fifth birthday. Last week Bill went on David Letterman’s show where they entertained the country with tips about how to keep your job and your interns.
President Obama hosted a beer summit in Pittsburgh with four unemployed construction workers. He left feeling a lot better about the future. They explained to the president that once his unemployment runs out he can fake an injury and go on disability.
Occupy Wall Street protesters refused to leave the private property where they have camped in New York for a city-required clean-up. The protesters are dedicated and committed young revolutionaries willing to give up their lives to bring down Wall Street. They only have a couple of weeks to do it before the first freeze ends the movement.
President Obama’s campaign reported it raised seventy million dollars in the third quarter. The number of fundraising events declined from fifty-one to eighteen. That’s because they had to merge them to meet the minimum required to book the banquet room.
Rick Perry’s wife cried over his treatment in the presidential campaign Friday. He’d hit a low point in Tuesday’s debate when he said the American Revolution occurred in the fifteenth century. Michele Bachman had to correct him, noting that he forgot to add B.C.
President Obama went on a three-day presidential bus tour of Virginia and North Carolina. They say it’s not a political trip so the taxpayers are paying for it. He thinks he’s a man of the people as long as he takes less expensive trips than Michelle does.
Texas parents were angry after kids in a McAllen school’s Spanish class were forced to learn and recite the Mexican pledge of allegiance. It was an absolute melee. Violence broke out in the classroom when half the students pledged allegiance to the wrong cartel.
GOP candidate Herman Cain for the first time led President Obama in a hypothetical election match-up Monday in the Rasmussen Poll. Democrats are cornered. Four years ago if you said you were voting for the African-American, Democrats praised you as open-minded, but today if you say you’re voting for the African-American, they call you a birther.
Boston Red Sox starting pitchers admitted they drank beer and ate fried chicken on days they didn’t pitch. They have plenty of support. The whole point of the Wall Street protests is the right of four guys to sit around and eat fried chicken while everyone else has to work.
Wall Street protesters reported that thieves are stealing their cellphones and iPads and laptops and cash as they sit in the park. It was a lesson for the young protesters to learn. They were all for social justice until somebody poorer than them wanted their stuff.
Hillary Clinton told the Today Show she can’t wait to step down as Secretary of State and return to private life. She said she wants to spend more time with her husband. Her husband promptly sent her a text from Los Angeles telling her that her country needs her.
Toronto’s marathon had a one-hundred-year-old runner complete the race Sunday. It points to a coming catastrophe. If Social Security wasn’t bankrupt before, just wait until sixty million Baby Boomers find out that jogging every day will help you live to a hundred.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
