From The Comedy Store
The Justice Department convicted Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout of selling weapons to South American terrorists. He broke all the rules. Under the WTO he’s required to sell the weapons to the Justice Department, which gives them to a gun store on the border, which sells them to a cartel, which sells the weapons to the South American terrorists. That’s how jobs are created.
Starbucks announced it just opened its five hundredth store in China. This helps our global competitiveness. If we can get the Chinese hooked on six-hundred-calorie lattes and coffee cake it will slow them down to the point where we can catch up.
The Justice Department convicted Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout of selling weapons to South American terrorists. He broke all the rules. Under the WTO he’s required to sell the weapons to the Justice Department, which gives them to a gun store on the border, which sells them to a cartel, which sells the weapons to the South American terrorists. That’s how jobs are created.
President Obama spoke at the annual Group of Twenty summit in France. He said he wants to help the Europeans solve their economic crisis. He wants Europe to borrow money from China and pay American construction workers to beautify their roads.
The White House saw a poll saying seventy percent of Americans believe the country is headed in the wrong direction. It’s grim. Half of the young people in America have had to move back in with their parents and the other half are moving home to Mexico.
The New York Mets announced plans to move in the fences at Citi Field for more home runs. It will be the most hitter-friendly park in baseball. The warning track sounds a siren to let the ballplayers know when the random drug tests are scheduled.
Congress subpoenaed the White House to hand over all records of the Solyndra solar panel company loan. They lost a half billion in taxpayer money after they contributed to the Obama campaign. It’s taught as the law of supply and demand in Chicago public schools.
Oklahoma seismologists recorded a bigger-than-ever-felt earthquake hitting the central section of the Sooner State on Saturday. This continues a highly disturbing trend. Things are so bad in California that even the earthquakes are moving back to Oklahoma.
The Labor Department said the U.S. added eighty thousand jobs, which lowered unemployment a tenth of a point. However, that doesn’t count discouraged workers. Every time a Labor Department pollster goes into a bar to count heads, he never comes out again.
President Obama ripped House Republicans while in France. Last week he told Harvard he feels bad for college kids, he stood by the middle class in Bel-Air, then he ripped the rich at the French Riviera. Someday they’ll write a Broadway play about Barack Obama called, The Man Who Came to Dinner to Make Us Feel Just Terrible about Ourselves.
President Obama met with European leaders on the French Riviera to discuss the EU debt crisis. They met at the world’s most expensive hotel to discuss ways to cut spending. Italy had to default on its debt to pay the tab for the mini-bar in their hotel room.
President Obama was urged by Republicans to cancel his trip to Honolulu, Indonesia and Australia to save the Treasury money. How would it look if the president skipped the trip to the town where he was born? The people of Jakarta would be very hurt.
Greece considered defaulting on its bond debt and leaving the EU rather than yielding to EU bailout strings. Tourists will always flock to Athens to see remnants of a great past civilization. You can still make out the Bank of America logo on some of its ruins.
President Obama did a test of the Emergency Alert System Wednesday at eleven in the morning. A buzzing alert broke in on all radio and TV shows. They wanted to test his ability to seize the airwaves and give instructions during an attack by Rush Limbaugh.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
