President Obama asked Iran to return the U.S. spy plane drone that crashed in Iran last weekend. Americans were confused. When news first broke that Iran was in possession of the American drone, we just assumed they had taken Al Gore hostage.

Iran revealed plans to sell to China the Pentagon’s drone spy aircraft that crashed in Iran while spying on their nuclear reactors. We know how this ends. By next year we’ll be able to buy the same spy plane from China for just one-fourth of what Boeing charges us.

Vladimir Putin slammed the U.S. government for noting how his United Russia Party stuffed ballot boxes and cheated to win. He misunderstood. When the U.S. president and the Secretary of State are both from Chicago there’s a real chance it was a compliment.

Southern California repair crews kept toiling after a week of high winds uprooted trees, downed phone lines and cut off power. Thousands of people went without cable and couldn’t recharge their cellphones, laptops, iPods and iPads. Everyone was forced to live like a 1980’s television show and look at each other while they were talking.

Tulsa police caught a woman cooking crystal meth in a local WalMart. She took the ingredients off the shelves and cooked it in a jar. When the meth got into the ventilation it increased sales more than cinnamon incense and Christmas music combined.

President Obama hosted a Hanukkah party in the White House and lit every candle in the Menorah instead of one a night. Everyone just sighed. He plans to celebrate Christmas by shoving presents up the chimney and leaving them on the roof for Santa Claus.

Congressman Rick Larsen fired three House staffers who’d been tweeting they were getting drunk and watching YouTube videos at work. First Anthony Weiner tweeted nude photos and now House staffers are tweeting their drunken adventures. We can balance the budget in a week if we give everyone in Washington a Twitter account and wait for them to brag about a firing offense.

Lowe’s home improvement store ended its sponsorship of All-American Muslim on TLC after groups complained it was pro-Muslim propaganda. Their ad agency thought it was a perfect fit. Lowe’s sells building materials and Muslims create a demand for them.

Hollywood traffic was snarled when a shooter stood in an intersection and fired at passing cars until cops arrived and shot him dead. It was all televised. Los Angeles citizens are demanding an ordinance which stops these reality shows from snarling traffic.

Mitt Romney challenged Rick Perry to a ten thousand dollar bet in Saturday’s debate in Iowa over a point. The media speculated that Iowans could never imagine a bet that high. In fact, Iowans bet their subsidized corn crop–which can be made into food, sugar or gasoline–against the weather every year and they leave ten grand in the tip jar for the congressmen.

The Supreme Court agreed to rule on Arizona’s attempt to control its borders. They should be allowed to try. If there’s one thing that will change your mind about illegal immigration it’s trying to build a six-hundred-mile-long fence without the help of Mexicans.

President Obama told CBS’s 60 Minutes he sees himself as the captain of a ship that’s going through a violent storm. The captain has a solution. He wants the people in first class to give their tickets to the people in third class so that we can all die second class.

President Obama announced the end of the Iraq War Wednesday at Fort Bragg. It’s a budget decision. The U.S. troops have guaranteed health insurance and retirement pay but the private contractors who’ll replace them work for cash without benefits or pensions.

© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton