From The Comedy Store
Iran cut off oil exports to its six biggest European customers in retaliation for the EU’s vow to stop buying oil from Iran. Oil prices soared. Gasoline is so expensive in L.A. that police pulled over a van on the freeway yesterday with fifty legal Americans in it.
Joseph Kennedy III filed for Congress for the seat left by Barney Frank. He’s RFK’s grandson and Teddy’s nephew. Young Joe is a Middlesex County prosecutor, and only someone from Middlesex can bridge the gap between the Kennedys and Barney Frank.
Texas Governor Rick Perry formed a political action committee that can raise cash for future campaigns. He’s determined to do bigger and better things. Rick Perry told Fox News if he can’t get elected in the year 2012, he’ll run again in four years, in the year 6012.
Iran cut off oil exports to its six biggest European customers in retaliation for the EU’s vow to stop buying oil from Iran. Oil prices soared. Gasoline is so expensive in L.A. that police pulled over a van on the freeway yesterday with fifty legal Americans in it.
President Obama had to sit on the runway at L.A. Airport and wait for an approaching Cessna that crossed into the president’s take-off space. The plane was smuggling forty pounds of pot from Mexico. It’s the only type of flight with priority over Air Force One.
George Washington’s Birthday will be marked at Mount Vernon. He was loved for his brevity of expression. George Washington’s first State of the Union speech lasted only two minutes, because if you’re not going to tell a lie there’s very little left to say.
President Obama dined in San Francisco’s Chinatown where the Chinese lady who owns the restaurant was photographed squeezing Obama’s behind as she hugged him. It is worth the advertising. Now he’s got a dumpling named after him, Dem Sum Buns.
Al-Qaeda’s Umar Abdul-Muttallab got life for trying to blow up a Detroit-bound airliner three years ago. He hid a bomb in his underwear but he failed to detonate it on landing. Al-Qaeda leaders used Google Earth to see Detroit from a satellite and thought they’d succeeded.
Mitt Romney fell behind in the Michigan polls despite getting Donald Trump’s endorsement. This information could save Israel. If we can just get Donald Trump to endorse Iran’s nuclear weapons program, the missile won’t be able to carry its home state.
China’s vice president Xi Jinping signed a deal in L.A. to allow more Hollywood movies in Chinese movie theaters. Of course there will be the usual censorship. Every time somebody says the word freedom, the Chinese censors will translate it as French fries.
Michelle Obama tweeted a Happy Presidents Day to her husband Monday while she’s on a ski vacation in Vail with their daughters. White House travel records confirmed she’s had sixteen vacations in three years. Trying to get people to stop eating just wears you out.
The Transportation Department asked automakers to install devices to disable hand-held electronics. They want to stop texting, web browsing, dialing and Facebook while the car is running. Americans won’t tolerate government interference into our business at red lights.
New York Knicks star Jeremy Lin forgave a fired ESPN copywriter who unintentionally wrote an anti-Asian term. Lin’s parents fled China where saying the wrong word could cost you your job and ruin your life. Now ESPN copywriters are fleeing America for the same reason.
Los Angeles public schools had their sixth sex scandal in four weeks involving teachers and students. It’s completely out of control. Last week one high school kid was discovered to be having an affair with two of his teachers and he was expelled for cheating.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton
