President Obama certainly has it ruff these days. With his approval ratings plummeting and both the House and the Senate trending Republican, he must feel like he’s been put in the doghouse. Even members of his own party are attacking him; Chris Matthews, his designated chew toy, has even come out against the beloved teleprompter. In short, nobody seems willing to throw Obama a bone.

Which is why this week, President Obama, while pumping his rehashed and tiresome economic agenda – an agenda that apparently consists of yelling “stimulus!” repeatedly, then throwing cash in the air and smiling – he intoned, “Some powerful interests who had been dominating the agenda in Washington for a very long time and they’re not always happy with me. They talk about me like a dog. That’s not in my prepared remarks, but it’s true.”

Actually, it’s not true. The only person who has ever likened President Obama to a dog is President Obama, who once declared that he was a “mutt” and a member of a “mongrel people.” Obama’s language brings to mind uncomfortable comparisons with Old Yeller, who was “an ugly, lop-eared mongrel, fancy free without a family tree.” The comparison is uncomfortable because Obama is not, in fact, the best doggone dog in the West. He is the worst doggone dog in the East, accepting the mantle from the late Marley.

In reality, there’s a reason nobody has compared Obama to a dog: dogs are likeable. They are friendly and loyal. They are man’s best friend, as opposed to King Abdullah’s best friend.

But let’s take Obama at his word. If we’re treating Obama “like a dog” – and let’s assume he means “Stone Free” Jimi Hendrix-style – it’s because he deserves it. If Obama were a dog, he’d be a bad dog. The kind of dog that routinely drinks from the toilet, and simply will not be taught that drinking from the toilet is bad manners (think Obama on health care). The kind of dog that barks at all hours of the night, just for attention (think Obama’s pathetic need for constant adulation). The kind of dog that runs from intruders when danger’s in the air (think Obama on Iraq, Iran, Russia, North Korea, China – goodness, just think about Obama’s position on any country that isn’t an American ally). The kind of dog that chews on the furniture out of pure spite (if Obama’s actually going to chew on the furniture, by the way, let me be the first to suggest he start with the new, hideous Oval Office accoutrements).

If Obama’s a dog, he’s a puppy that has never been housebroken, whose owner continually babies it and never requires basic standards of behavior. President Obama has never had to make a living; he has never had to face the consequences of his behavior, whether that behavior is hanging out with terrorists, doing cocaine, or attending a racist church for 20 years. He’s never been held accountable. Finally, he’s being held accountable. He doesn’t like it, so he’s rhetorically urinating in the middle of the living room.

Obama, like a bad puppy, acts badly because he doesn’t recognize that he’s not in the true position of authority. The American people stand above him. He is a public servant, a servant of our will. He seems not to believe that – in fact, he thinks that America’s the dog, he’s the master, and he can simply order Americans to agree with him. He’s utterly disconnected from reality.

In short, Obama has to learn to obey the American public. If not, we’ll continue to treat him like a bad dog. Only worse, since he refuses to learn. And in November, he’ll find out that bad dogs don’t get any electoral Scooby treats.

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