It’s true that nobody has asked me how I’d go about getting America’s financial house in order, but that’s not unusual. After all, I’m not an expert. No “Dr.” before my name and no “PhD” after it. That’s why nobody ever invites me on TV and asks me to deal with the really important things. Instead, I get stuck with taking out the trash and feeding the dog.

Well, we’ve seen what a great job the experts have been doing. I say it’s high time that I got a crack at the major problems facing us, and let Tim Geithner take out the trash and Janet Napolitano feed Duke.

First off, I’d make people stop dumping Social Security in with that hodge-podge of government giveaways collectively referred to as entitlements, but which we all know are merely crude attempts at buying votes with other people’s money. It so happens that Social Security actually is an entitlement inasmuch as it is one of the few things that Americans are actually entitled to receive from the feds.

Although it remains the most massive Ponzi scheme ever devised by the mind of man, the people who stand to collect the monthly checks upon retirement are the very people who paid in to the plan.

That is what differentiates it from all those various forms of welfare that take money from one group of people and hand it over to another group, allowing politicians to pass off extortion as benevolence. Calling the process by the high-sounding term, “redistribution of wealth,” does nothing to help it pass the smell test. Socialism is socialism, no matter what the left-wing creeps choose to label it.

It’s true that when FDR and the rest of his gang of New Dealers hatched Social Security, most people were not expected to live long enough to collect. But that’s because nobody in the 1930s envisioned that Americans would start outliving their parents and grandparents by 20 or 30 years. As a result, now, when people suggest that far down the road retirees might have to wait another couple of years before collecting their checks, everyone has a hissy fit. It seems we have become a nation of very nasty, very demanding, brats.

So, even though the times and conditions have radically changed, most people are unwilling to change with them, even though by not changing they risk killing the not-so-golden goose. But, perhaps I’m expecting a miracle. Heck, people are so stubborn that even though the average basketball player is a foot taller than he was a few decades ago, they refuse to raise the basket. Worse yet, people are so cockeyed, they still cheer when a seven-footer with a nine-foot wingspan dunks a basketball through a hoop just 10 feet off the ground.

With Social Security, the big lie was always that the money was safe and secure in a locked box. Right, it was the same sort of locked box the stage magician uses when he makes the pretty lady disappear. The only difference is that she always returns to take a bow.

I was actually hoping that with the election of all those Tea Party Republicans last November, we might actually see a new dynamic in Washington. But judging by all the usual claptrap about compromise and bi-partisanship, which invariably leads wimpy Republicans to forget that there is nothing bi-partisan about an election, we’re going to wind up with a repeat of what we’ve had in the recent past. The dopes seem unable to process the fact that if we wanted liberals running the show, we’d vote for them.

I promised a solution and here it is: Every Republican voter should send two letters, one to his congressman and one to the RNC, letting them know that if they don’t shape up long before the next election rolls around, your money will stay in your pocket and so will your vote.

We thought we were electing a gang of conservative commandoes last November, but it seems we wound up with the usual bunch of nattering nabobs and namby-pambies.

As for John Boehner and Mitch McConnell, they haven’t shown themselves fit to lead a party, let alone a nation. The best I can say for those two is that I’d trust them to guard a harem.