Assorted Nuts

· Monday, November 7, 2011

Who was the dunderhead who came up with the primary system? I'm not referring to the primary elections themselves, but to the order in which they must be conducted. There are ancient religious rituals that aren't held to be this sacred.

When Floridians quite reasonably suggest that their primary should come earlier than it has in the past, the GOP hierarchy threatens to excommunicate them and deny them full representation at the national convention.

But nobody has come up with a reasonable explanation why Iowa and New Hampshire should come first. If anything, there are good reasons why they shouldn't. For one thing, Iowa doesn't even hold a statewide election; they have something silly called a caucus. How dumb is that!

As for New Hampshire, it has such a small and unrepresentative a population that if they didn't have an early primary, most of us could ignore the state all the time, and not merely, as we do now, three out of every four years. Instead, their importance is inflated in much the same phony way that the Wizard of Oz had his own magnified by billows of smoke, a curtain and a world-class public address system.

That brings us to the elections, themselves. I accept that we need to have a president, although the more I think about the ones we keep electing, I'm beginning to waver in that belief. But the truth is, as I have long contended, anyone who seeks the office is obviously insane, a mental case whose ego must live in a rented room somewhere because no human being could possibly cart around anything that huge.

I'm not kidding. I mean, just imagine that you wake up one day, look around at your fellow 310,000,000 Americans, and decide, "Yep, I'm the guy (or gal) who is best-equipped to run the most powerful nation on the face of the earth. I'm not saying I know everything I will need to know about the monetary system, Islamic terrorism, the military, the stock market, farm subsidies, Social Security, nuclear energy, the banking industry, the Middle East, education, the IRS, the SEIU, health care or even how to talk to members of the Black Congressional Caucus without giggling, but, doggone it, I've always been a fast learner. Now I just need to raise several hundred million dollars in order to run. I wonder how much my neighbor Charley will be willing to kick in."

Or, as Thomas Sowell told Reason Magazine, in relating one of the most dangerous trends coming out of the current administration: "It's the presumption that Obama knows how all these industries ought to be operating better than people who have spent their lives in those industries, and a general cockiness going back to before he was president, and the fact that he has no experience whatever in managing anything. Only someone who has never had the responsibility for managing anything could believe he could manage just about everything."

Finally, the other day I received an email from one of my readers, an American currently living in Argentina. He started out by letting me know that on 9/11, he was living only a short distance from Dulles Airport, not all that far from the Pentagon. He decided that if someone wanted to kill us that badly, he should find out why. In the intervening years, he has read 40 books about Islam.

Because I had written an article in which I wondered why a suicide bomber wouldn't realize that even though he started out with 72 virgins, he would soon have 72 disgruntled ex-virgins on his hands, my correspondent found that "Islamic theology states that virgins in heaven maintain their virginity for eternity. If you think this is strange, it also maintains that even though martyrs do a great deal of eating and drinking, that is when they are not too busy entertaining all of their sex slaves, there is neither feces nor urine produced."

I wrote back to tell him that once a woman loses her virginity, it doesn't merely change her physically, but psychologically. So the only logical explanation is that these "virgins" must be those large rubber dolls lonely guys purchase from mail order outfits. As for there being no need for bathrooms in the Islamic Paradise, the obvious answer is that in death, as in life, the suicide bombers are ambulatory cesspools."

"Please don't ask for a cogent explanation for any of this," he went on, "because there isn't one. Islamic theologians are still wrestling with a way to explain it."

"Well, now that I've solved the mystery, you can tell them they can all go back to having sex with goats."

"By the way," he concluded, "I use the word theologian loosely, for in reality, Islam utterly rejects the need for theology. God's word is simple, plain and clear, and it does not need interpretation. It only requires memorization and obedience. Even the idea of trying to interpret and understand God is considered heretical. Saludos, Richard."

"Oddly enough, that's pretty much how I feel about my own words. Regards, Burt"


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Comments

Army Officer (Ret)

Keep 'em coming, Burt. Anyone who says that Islam is a peaceful religion is merely displaying his or her ignorance on the subject... and the more condescending they are about it about the more ignorant they are.

I am on a first-name basis with a guy with a fatwa on him. (For those who haven't been keeping score, a fatwa is a legal pronouncement within Islam to any and all Muslims to kill the person named whenever feasible.) I won't mention my friend's name here, but I will say that he became temporarily famous when his work went public. His crime was that he quoted the top Muslim scholars in the world in their own pronouncements about jihad.

I also worked with a guy with a doctorate in Islamic/Arab studies who fled to the U.S. after the Muslim Brotherhood killed his friend and mentor who stood up to them. You remember the Muslim Brotherhood, right? They're the guys who took over a big chunk of the Middle East this summer, with a little help from N.A.T.O. jets.

Ain't it grand?

Helping those maniacs take over multiple countries in that region was the policy of the current administration. I tend to agree with your assessment, Burt: I'm not so sure we need presidents if they're going to make decisions like that.

Here's my alternate plan: instead of having a president, let's just leave the office vacant - whenever we need a decision some GS-5 from the typing pool flips a coin.

The primary advantages of a coin -flip over the current occupant would be two-fold:

1) A coin wouldn't say embarrassing and ridiculous things.

2) We'd get the best answer half the time, rather than 1% of the time like we get now.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 12:58:22 AM


Doktor Riktor Von Zhades

Army;

I was thinking at one point at suggesting drawing straws to pick the POTUS, but I like your idea better, in particular the coin toss.

Burt, I do believe the problem extends to the rest of congress. Look at the way the stimulus and later O-Care were pushed through in the dead of night. Over half the country wrote, pleaded, and begged their representatives, and the responses we received was "Too big to fail and, we need to pass it to find out what's in it". If that doesn't smack of ignorance, coupled with arrogance I can't imagine what could compare.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 7:53:00 AM


JJStryder

I think we know all we need to know about Islam. Unfortunely. we will learn nothing and do nothing. From the temporary comfort of our living rooms we can all sit back and watch the Caliphate form in the middle east, Iran get a nuke, practice on Isreal and America under Obama will run to the feckless U.N.

I just renewed my Gun Club memebership.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 9:56:20 AM


Howard Last

Burt - I have a question, why should the taxpayer be forced to pay for primary elections? Political parties are basically private clubs, they are very large and have loose requirements for membership, but they are still private clubs. If they want to have a primary they should pay all of the expenses. This would include, renting of the voting machines, rent for the various buildings, paying the poll watches, election judges, police protection (did anyone say Black Panthers), tabulating results, etc. I believe something called the First Amendment is involved.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 10:16:21 AM


Jeannette

Burt: While most Presidents probably have been fast learners, there are exceptions, most notably the present totem. After four years, that one will have learned absolutely nothing except the proper (usually) use of a Tele-Prompter.

Come on, November 2012!

Posted November 7, 2011 at 12:12:23 PM


Richard Ryan

Burt, I am pretty sure that if I decided to run for president at least one of my neighbors would not contribute to my campaign. About a year ago I made the mistake of pointing out to him that the current resident of white house, and at least half of the members of congress were communists, he, being an ex union member, took exception to that statement. His reply was that he didn`t like what I was saying. When I said, "frankly David, I don`t care if you like it or not", he promptly hung up the phone and I haven`t had to be bothered with him since. Turned out better than I had expected.

Richard Ryan

Lamar,Missouri - Temporarily transplanted to California.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 12:39:24 PM


David

Burt,

That bit about going back to having sex with goats is baaaaaad. :)

Posted November 7, 2011 at 12:46:12 PM


Burt Prelutsky

Howard: I have no idea how much money the primaries run us, but I feel they are a better and more honest use of taxpayer money than the bus and plane trips Obama is constantly on, seeking re-election campaign funds. The thing is, nobody lies about the purpose of the primaries, whereas Obama keeps insisting that he is actually conducting the official business of the president.

Richard: I, too, have found that dumping leftwing acquaintances has been a win-win situation. One, I don't have to listen to their James Carville-inspired sound bites; two, I don't have to waste my time trying to talk sense to them.

David: Are you trying to get my goat?

Regards, Burt

Posted November 7, 2011 at 1:14:48 PM


Merry Colin

I believe NH is a "free state" experiment and that may be the reason why their vote is closely watched. Can anyone confirm...so tired from moving that I don't have time to check.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 1:19:14 PM


GordAuch

"Obama keeps insisting that he is actually conducting the official business of the president."

Well, Burt, isn't re-election his paramount business?

Posted November 7, 2011 at 1:53:30 PM


Dennis McKee

Richard & Burt Re: Your Lib Neighbors and ex-friends. Always remember that reasoning w/ a Liberal is like wrestling w/ a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig loves it

Denny

Posted November 7, 2011 at 2:08:58 PM


Army Officer (Ret)

@ Merry,

I suspect the reason New Hampshire gets the first primary is because a savvy group of people from Concord figured out a way to get everyone else to go along. Before the age of instant election-night coverage it might take days or weeks to collect, count, tally, and publish the results of a primary election, so it didn't matter as much who went first, anyway.

Having spent a lot of time in New Hampshire, I don't think I would categorize it as especially free compared to some other states. They have no income tax or sales tax, for example, but they make up for it with very high property taxes. They're pretty conservative relative to the other New England states, but the other New England states are socialist to the core for the most part.

What New Hampshire does have is "retail" politics. A politician in New Hampshire is expected to actually get out and meet the people whose votes he wants. By allowing New Hampshire to have the first primary (and thus be the sole early determinant of the coveted "front runner" status), presidential hopefuls must prove themselves to a bunch of INDIVIDUAL crusty New England voters before they move onto the "wholesale" politics of the later primaries.

Is it perfect? Nope. But there is a certain rationale to it.

@ Burt and Richard,

I, like you, used to have a VERY liberal friend. Not only liberal - a RABIDLY, foaming-at-the-mouth, apoplectic liberal. To top it off he is also an equally-rabid atheist. It's not that can take his belief system and leave it at that, either. In both cases: - liberalism and atheism - he cannot tolerate the slightest disagreement without going nuclear, although he feels free to ridicule other points of view and feels he should be able to do so without recrimination or even debate.

He is living proof of the axiom, "Conservatives think liberals have bad ideas. Liberals think conservatives are bad people."

The really galling part is that I could spot him 50 I.Q. points and still know more than he does about either topic (more than once I've actually had to explain the rationale behind HIS side of an argument to him, since he couldn't even understand when I dismantled it - all he knew were the liberal and atheist talking points). That didn't stop him from thinking of himself as sophisticated and me as a simpleton.

After his last meltdown I broke off contact and I haven't spoken to him for over a year. He recently stared to initiate contact with me, and I have so far declined to respond.

I just don't need the drama.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 2:11:14 PM


BJ

Army: coin toss makes sense

JJStryder: gun club means paper trail you may regret.

She said "we have to pass it to see what's in it" All having taken an oath to support and defend the Constitution means voting on something without reading and understanding it is a crime.

Since we're so far down the rabbit hole now I think only physically taking our country back and un-employing ALL of DC makes sense but, we'd probably just wind up with sharia law and the muslim brotherhood running things and the bamsterscum would love it.

TERM LIMITS-IMPEACH-PROSECUTE

Posted November 7, 2011 at 2:42:48 PM


Merry Colin

Army-- Thank you, for your service and the explanation of the New Hampshire "free state" experiment. As you say, the "retail" politics isn't a bad idea...

As to RABID liberal "friends", Burt and I have discussed many times that debating them is impossible; almost always an argument ensues instead of an exchange of ideas. It is pointless. They WILL NOT consider ANY point of view except those put into their shrunken heads starting in gubmint schools.

I've been there, done that with the explaining the merits of their own ideas. Sheesh, it's tiring!

Alas, we have ONE rabid liberal friend left; he lives in Napa...go figure. Our contact isn't constant since we are in AZ. He is a TRUE red diaper baby; can you even imagine our distress when the last time we were there (staying in his home) was October 2008! His missives and outright verbal attacks with an increasingly mocking "you can't be THAT stupid" tone was so off putting and outrageous that we couldn't even offer our thoughts in any cohesive manner. (And we are not ignorant by any stretch of the imagination!) His whole mantra was "YOU Republicans want" even though we told him we did not identify with everything the party did and we hated that McCain was the "choice". We actually agree with a slightly more Libertarian point of view in social issues and heavily identify with the TEA party. There was just no talking with him, even after his gracious arranging of private tours and tastings during crush.

I finally dropped a friendship of 45+ years with a girl who says she's a Republican. Uh hunh ---NOT! The phone calls to this longtime childhood friend ended always with me screaming at her after my attempts to educate her about history and the Constitution took every bit of my emotional energy. At first she called and left messages, including birthday wishes and I felt bad for her. But, the truth is, I feel SO much better that I am glad I stuck with my decision. I'm betting that you will too!

Posted November 7, 2011 at 3:54:16 PM


W.T. Door

Insanity as a presidential candidate prerequisite. Assuming there really exists one individual out there who is intelligent, capable, effective, and a truly dedicated public servant, why seek a job that would break his heart and spirit trying to accomplish anything positive against an entrenched bureaucracy strongly supported by the OWS types, liberals in general, the MSM, unions, and other enemies foreign and domestic ? On the other hand, such a pessimistic view of the situation didn’t deter David as he loaded that stone that felled Goliath.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 4:59:06 PM


W.T. Door

Richard Ryan Temporarily transplanted to California.

Illegitimus non carborundum est

Posted November 7, 2011 at 5:19:43 PM


Burt Prelutsky

W.T.: I wouldn't be so pessimistic about liberals, either, if, like David, I could throw stones at them. The pessimism is caused by their inability to debate issues; by their insisting that socialism trumps capitalism even when the objective evidence in the Soviet Union, China, Cambodia, Cuba, North Korea, Greece and under Obama, should convince them otherwise; and by their continuing to have the right to vote.

Best, Burt

Posted November 7, 2011 at 6:15:33 PM


Howard Last

Burt - Which section of the First Amendment says Free Speech means having the taxpayers pay for the elections of private clubs (oops political parties)? If the Republican Big Shots (you can't call them leaders) had any sense or b@##s they would require the Communist Party (oops Democrap) to reimburse the taxpayers for Barry's trips.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 7:00:31 PM


Gael H

I am nominating Burt as Andy Rooney's replacement on 60 Minutes!

Posted November 7, 2011 at 7:11:50 PM


Burt Prelutsky

Howard: As you well know, the Constitution doesn't carry much weight these days. Otherwise, the feds wouldn't be sticking their nose into education, abortion or health care.

Burt

Posted November 7, 2011 at 8:31:42 PM


Jake

Burt:

Don't you just love the people who live like conservatives, but vote liberal. And to top it off, I know some of them who find more ways to hide income so they do not have to pay taxes. Liberals love giving away other peoples' money.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 8:46:07 PM


Terry Webb

The last Muslim I talked to said you couldn't have sex with a goat until the third date. And; always do not forget to call.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 9:00:18 PM


Howard Last

Burt - And 90% or better of the budget would be gone. The alphabet soup of departments, agencies, bureaus, rules, regulations, etc. would also be gone. The problem is the sheeple are on the govt. teat.

Posted November 7, 2011 at 9:06:38 PM


Burt Prelutsky

Howard: You can't entirely blame the people. They only get a say at election time and the choices aren't generally very good.

Terry: You misunderstood. The rule is you feed the goat three dates and then anything goes.

Burt

Posted November 7, 2011 at 11:44:41 PM


MARINE

In regards to the Muslim's---They did contribute to society. They were the first to invent the "Rubber" using Goat intestine in the early 1700's to prevent childbirth and over population. It wasen't until the 1800's that the other religions found out that by removing the Goat intestine from the Goat worked better, and was enjoyable.

Posted November 8, 2011 at 10:16:25 AM


Howard Last

Marine - the problem now is, how do I stop laughing?

Posted November 8, 2011 at 11:41:17 AM


rippedchef

I think the burt/army officer combo is one I would like to see on the ticket come nov 2012

Posted November 8, 2011 at 11:46:30 AM


rippedchef

forgot marine for press secretary

Posted November 8, 2011 at 11:47:38 AM


Kilted Mudder

Always appreciate your articles Burt. As an alternative to just not filling the President position, perhaps instead we should see who truly has the fortitude to commit themselves and require hand to hand combat in a public arena, gladiator style. Winner takes all. It would be a lot cheaper than all the time and effort put into voting, and absolutely no possibility of counting chads.... We'd actually get to see the bare quality of an individual...their skill, composure under duress, ability to think on their feet without the aid of a teleprompter, the measure of their bravery and even compassion and mercy. I know it sounds rather barbaric, but seems to me we'd get to see more of the "real" candidate than the plastic personas we get fed by the MSM. To borrow a quote from Seraph (The Matrix), "You truly do not know someone until you fight them." It certainly would keep spineless wimps out of office. Perhaps then we could get some true leadership.

(All said mostly in sarcastic tone....mostly...)

Posted November 8, 2011 at 1:09:40 PM


TAE

@ Army and Merry,

I, too, used to have a 'party-line democrat' friend, back in the early 90s. I took great pleasure in asking things like 'should people be on welfare for generations?', and then explain why I thought they shouldn't. She'd always agree with me, and then I'd inform her that Rush said the same thing, just to watch her erupt in venom and invective, AFTER having agreed with everything he said!

I also have a niece who, sadly, is a socialist, but is angry with her sister for demanding she and her husband help her. She simply doesn't see her hypocracy in saying it's okay for 'others' to have welfare, but not her own sister. I have managed to talk her around to my (conservative) way of thinking, but only after much debate and rewording of my position until I eventually say it in a way she can understand/accept. She's still a liberal/socialist, but she CAN learn, one small step at a time....

The only bit of the alphabet soup I'd like to keep is DoD - with my definition of what it stands for, which everyone here would definitely fit into, namely "Disturber Of Defication".

Posted November 8, 2011 at 1:14:13 PM


Burt Prelutsky

Marine: Thanks for the laugh. I need that.

rippedchef & Gael H: So if I've got this right, I will be both the president and Andy Rooney's replacement on "60 Minutes." Hmmmm...yes, I think I could handle both jobs. And God knows the money would be great. Okay, I'll do it!

Burt

Posted November 8, 2011 at 1:17:53 PM


David Thompson

Burt, though Presidents in the last hundred or so years think they run the nation, they don't, aren't supposed to, and do a sorry job trying.

The President is intended to run 1/3 of the national government, which is supposed to be a Federal government, i.e., limited in its power, with most of governing authority reserved to the States.

Presidential ego comes from the sycophants who call him "the leader of our country." I don't want him to lead me. I want him to run the Executive Branch according to the Constitution he's pledged to uphold, whether I voted for him or not.

Posted November 8, 2011 at 4:36:26 PM


Army Officer (Ret)

Right you are, David,

I remember meeting to a South African woman after the Katrina fiasco who was saying it was all Bush's fault. I explained to her that the U.S. is a Constitutional Republic, not a Parliamentary Democracy like she's used to.

I told her that in our Constitutional Republic the President doesn't run the country. He doesn't even run the government. He runs one of the three co-equal branches of the federal government. And by the way, we have a federal system, not a national system, which means that a state governor of an opposition party can delay federal action, as happened after Katrina.

Having grown up with Parliaments she had no idea about the concept of separation of powers. Unfortunately, not many Americans do any more, either.

Posted November 8, 2011 at 8:59:42 PM


enemaofthestatistquo

ArmyOfficer(Ret), & with a coin toss to make Presidential decisions we could insure those decisions would be made by least FDR, Kennedy, Reagan, or Eisenhower; but more often than not it would be by GWashington, TJefferson, or ALincoln. But it would be UNConstitutional for SusanBAnthony or Mercury, or the NativeChieftain to make any USA decisions.

Posted November 8, 2011 at 9:32:35 PM


Howard Last

Army Officer (Ret) & David - Have you found that Section of the Constitution that authorizes Executive Orders? I can't seem to locate it. I must have an out of date version, it is dated September 17, 1787. Does anyone have the 2011 version? Me thinks James Madison should call his office.

Posted November 8, 2011 at 11:49:29 PM


Holmes Simons

Finally....proof positive that Obama is Muslim. He married the goat.

Posted November 9, 2011 at 8:36:27 AM


Merry Colin

Holmes-- I thought he married the Wookie! Ya gotta admit, she does resemble one. And no, that isn't racist as my younger son declared; the wookie was big and hairy.

Posted November 9, 2011 at 12:25:37 PM


Holmes Simons

@Merry: As further evidence of his deception, he requires that she look and act like a pig...Porkie Wookie Pig! Speaking of hair, if you didn't see it, check out her 'do' at the state dinner for the South Korean Pres & Mrs. a couple of weeks ago. What an embarrassment she is to the Country she loves so much.

Posted November 9, 2011 at 12:59:02 PM


David Thompson

Howard, you can't see a penumbra.

The Living Constitution changes with time.

The Constitution is what the Supreme Court says it is.

The times, they are a-changin'.

Tune in, turn on, drop out.

Chill out.

Get with the program, dude!

Posted November 10, 2011 at 8:22:27 PM


Holmes Simons

@David Thompson: Dude, you are incorrect. The Constitution is what the People say it is. If Obama and his criminals continue to alienate authentic American Patriots, there will be an uprising of support for a Constitutional Convention seeking amendments to unravel the unjust, inaccurate interpretations of the pseudo-intellectual Robed Rubes and corrupt, cowardly legislators. It ain't over yet.

Posted November 11, 2011 at 8:28:49 AM


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