Insight: “Everything is destroyed by its own particular vice: the destructive power resides within. Rust destroys iron, moths destroy clothes, the worm eats away the wood; but greatest of all evils is envy, impious habitant of corrupt souls, which ever was, is, and shall be a consuming disease.” —Menander (342-292 BC)

Upright: “Madeleine Albright … said just a couple days ago women who don’t help women, essentially don’t support Hillary, have a special place in hell. I think it was Mark Twain who said heaven for the climate, hell for the company. It looks like the sisterhood of the marching pant suits is going to have to dress light. If she loses women, it shows you how much of a shellacking she took.” —Charles Krauthammer

Thanks Obama: “Tonight we serve notice to the political and economic establishment of this country that the American people will not continue to accept … a rigged economy where ordinary Americans work longer hours for lower wages while almost all new income and wealth goes to the top 1%.” —Bernie Sanders on the “recovery” brought to us by his fellow socialist

A vast right-wing conspiracy: “Senator Sanders and I both want to get secret, unaccountable money out of politics. And let’s remember … Citizens United, one of the worst Supreme Court decisions in our country’s history, was actually a case about a right-wing attack on me and my campaign. A right-wing organization took aim at me and ended up damaging our entire democracy. So, yes, you’re not going to find anybody more committed to aggressive campaign finance reform than me.” —Hillary Clinton (Translation: Free speech is bad when people criticize her.)

Dezinformatsia: “People talk about the liberal media and they say the whole media is liberal and the whole establishment is liberal. It’s not true. … If you are a liberal, you are not a majority in this country and you know it and it always feels this way.” —MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow

Non Compos Mentis: “Two weeks ago I paid $1.51 a gallon for gasoline in downstate Illinois. … I think we’re missing an opportunity here — a 5-cent increase in the federal gas tax can really fund an infrastructure program that can help create new jobs in this economy and help businesses. Now is the time to do it.” —Sen. Dick Durbin

Late-night humor: “I saw that the unemployment rate in the U.S. just fell below 5 percent, which is the lowest it’s been in eight years. When asked for comment on the number of unemployed Americans, Obama said, ‘Uh … I can’t wait to be one of them!’” —Jimmy Fallon