Upright

Columnist John C. Goodman: “We have spent $15 trillion ‘fighting’ poverty since 1965 and we are currently spending $ trillion a year – an amount equal to about $22,000 per poor person or $88,000 for a family of four. Yet our poverty rate today (16%) is higher than when we started (14%)! If there has been a War on Poverty, poverty won. Is it not obvious that we are subsidizing and enabling a way of life? To put it bluntly, we are paying young women to have children out of wedlock. We are paying them to be unemployed. And we are paying them to remain poor.”

Demo-gogues

Barack Obama: “When I took office, the American auto industry … was on the verge of collapse. … In the midst of what was already the worst recession since the Great Depression, another one million Americans were in danger of losing their jobs. As president, I refused to let that happen. … When things looked darkest for our most iconic industry, we bet on what was true: the ingenuity and resilience of the proud, hardworking men and women who make this country strong. Today, that bet has paid off. The American auto industry is back.”

The BIG Lie

Barack Obama: “When we do things right, they don’t get a lot of attention. If, on the other hand, you’ve got an office in Cincinnati, in the IRS office that … is trying to streamline what is a difficult law to interpret … and they’ve got a list, [then] suddenly everybody’s outraged. … I’ll point out that there are some so-called progressives … perceived to be liberal commentators who during that week were just as outraged at the possibility that … the Democratic Party, in some way, discriminated against these folks.”

Braying Jackass

MSNBC’s Chris Hayes: “I think everyone at this table agrees that [the Tea Party is] bad for the country, really bad for the country, terrible, destructive in all the ways we talk about all the time. … I think what you’ve seen with the Tea Party is they are reckless. I mean, they are reckless with the country. They’re reckless with people’s lives, but they are also reckless politically.”

Alpha Jackass

MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry: “I want to talk today about a controversial word. … A word that was originally intended as a derogatory term, meant to shame and divide and demean. The word was conceived of by a group of wealthy white men who needed a way to put themselves above and apart from a black man. To render him inferior and unequal and to diminish his accomplishments. … Y'all know the word that I’m talking about: ObamaCare. … Short of bringing about world peace before he leaves office, the Affordable Care Act will loom large in the president’s legacy as the singular accomplishment of his two terms.”

From the ‘Non Compos Mentis’ File

Barack Obama: “I think Joe Biden will go down in history as one of the best vice presidents ever.”

Village Idiots

Message from “Santa” by environmental group Greenpeace: “Dear children, regrettably I bring bad tidings. For some time now, melting ice here in the North Pole has made our operations and our day-to-day life intolerable and impossible and there may be no alternative but to cancel Christmas. I have written personally to President Obama, President Putin – all world leaders. Sadly my letters have been met with indifference. Needless to say these individuals are now at the top of my naughty list. My home in the Arctic is fast disappearing and unless we all act urgently then I have to warn you of the possibility of an empty stocking forevermore. Please help me.”

Short Cuts

Comedian Jay Leno: “This winter storm has left thousands without electricity. It’s as if President Obama had taken over the power companies.”