“The Deal with the Islamic Republic of Iran is now complete. Congratulations to all! I hereby fully authorize the toll free opening of the Strait of Hormuz, and, simultaneously herewith, authorize the immediate removal of the United States Naval blockade. Ships of the World, start your engines. Let the oil flow!”

This was the message President Donald Trump broadcast to the world via his Truth Social platform on Sunday to announce the supposed end of the war with Iran. In the days since, MAGA-world has worked overtime not only to celebrate the deal to end all deals, but also to push every White House talking point they can muster.

There are just a few problems.

First, no one knows what’s in this miraculous deal that was apparently signed online like an iTunes user agreement. And yet we are currently being told to guzzle down a particularly suspicious-looking sausage, as a suspicious-looking chef looks down on us grinning from ear to ear. “What is in this sausage?” we ask with trepidation, to which the chef responds, “You must scoff it down, thank me, tell me how it’s the best sausage you’ve ever tasted, and ask me for another helping before I tell you what’s in it.”

Second, it’s not even a deal; it’s a “Memorandum of Understanding” that agrees to future deals down the road. Yippee! So really, it’s a deal to make a deal, likely in return for even more concessions to keep Iran coming back to the table as Trump desperately pursues his insatiable fetish for deals.

Third, the White House “Talking Points” on the matter demonstrate how absurd all of this is:

1) Iran will never have a nuclear weapon. President Trump drew that line and enforced it when no other president would.

2) President Trump ended the fighting on every front, including Lebanon. No forever war.

3) The Strait of Hormuz is open again, free of charge. A fifth of the world’s oil flows through it. That means relief at the pump and the grocery store.

4) Iran’s rewards come from its own unfrozen money, not from American taxpayers, and only after it performs. No nuclear weapon, no full relief. Iran earns it or gets nothing.

5) Obama never even got a signed document. President Trump did, from strength, after dismantling Iran’s program.

How things have changed from the president who demanded regime change and unconditional surrender just weeks ago.

And all of this is without even mentioning Trump’s abject disrespect and dishonor of its one true ally in the region and this war: Israel.

But in reality, it doesn’t even matter what is in this deal. Even if the deal included Iran’s promise to massage Trump’s feet every single night. Why? Because every possible point of agreement hinges on the utterly worthless word of Iran, a country that has demonstrated nothing but its untrustworthiness for decades.

But because it’s Trump who got this deal — and a signed deal, nonetheless, as if that means anything — we are supposed to take to the streets in celebration. That means lauding Trump for “ending the fighting on every front” — even though fighting will inevitably continue in Lebanon — and for opening of the Strait of Hormuz, even though the fighting could only end because Trump started it, and even though the Strait of Hormuz could only open because it was closed after Trump started bombing Iran.

Does the arsonist suddenly get to claim credit when they sort of put out their own fire?

And if this really was all about gas prices — “relief at the pump and the grocery store” — why do any of this in the first place? Surely we could have just saved the time and not gone to war with Iran if cheaper gas and cheaper food were the goal?

No, what has really happened here is simple. Trump did what I still believe to be the right thing, but in the wrong way, without making his case to the American people, and with the patience of a 5-year-old child on Christmas Eve. Now, he wants out, at any cost. So don’t be fooled by the drooling hacks who will spew his talking points. We’re back to where we started: sending cash to Iran in exchange for a pinky promise from the world’s greatest supporter of Islamic terrorism.

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