Listen Up, Jeff Foxworthy
Hillbillies are definitely not the problem with America. It’s all those other people.
I’ve always thought Mr. Foxworthy was pretty funny and have enjoyed his “You may be a redneck if you….” routine. But I’ve decided he’s been picking on the wrong people. Over the past few years, I’ve begun identifying with rednecks.
Hillbillies are definitely not the problem with America. It’s all those other people.
It’s cable news pundits; employees of the New York Times, the Washington Post and the New Yorker; congressional Democrats; soccer moms; blacks who feel entitled; Ivy League graduates; the Washington bureaucracy/Deep State; Anthony Fauci; Silicon Valley billionaires; George Soros; Hollywood; the cancel culture generation and the social networking devices that serve as their electronic umbilical cords.
I would prefer to have a family of toothless banjo players living next door to me than to risk having any one of those arrogant NeverTrumpers/NixOnAmerica buffoons ruining the neighborhood.
I understand that those schmucks expect us to roll over and accept the idea that Biden actually won the election. But, how dumb does someone need to be in order to believe that, had the election been kosher, Trump would have lost Pennsylvania, Michigan, Georgia and Arizona?
How dumb? Perhaps as dumb as Hawaii’s Senator Mazie Hirono.
In fact I’m thinking of starting a competition to determine the person who exhibited the greatest amount of stupidity in 2020 and calling it the Mazie.
I think that to simplify the qualifications and keep people from nominating their cousins or in-laws, the person has to be well-known and his stupidity has to be of a partisan nature. So, for example, Rep. Hank Johnson would have been a shoo-in a few years back when he exhibited sheer stupidity by suggesting that the island of Guam might tip over if too many people were on it.
But, for our purposes, it might be Nancy Pelosi inviting everyone to join her in San Francisco’s Chinatown during the early days of the Wuhan virus outbreak or Dr. Fauci telling people that masks were unnecessary before telling them, a week later, they were mandatory and that those who didn’t wear them should be shot down like mad dogs.
I always liked the word “duh,” but only when coupled with “well,” as in “Well, duh.”
All by itself “duh” is naked and makes the person who says it sound dumb, whereas when you add that all-important “Well,” it makes for the perfect response to an observation that is so patently obvious that the person who made it should be paying good money to everyone within earshot for having wasted their time.
Which brings to mind an exchange I recently had with a subscriber that I might have cut short if I had merely employed “Well, duh” at the start.
When a reader wrote to opine that people should be tested on the Federalist Papers before being allowed to vote, I countered with “Rather than having to pass a test on Hamilton, I’d suggest people should either have served in the military or paid at least three years of federal income taxes.”
To which he replied: “Military Service?????? You mean like John Kerry and his disgraceful collections of medals?”
“No,” I responded, “I don’t mean John Kerry. I mean the men and women who don the uniform and risk their lives for us. Why would you even pose such a stupid, insulting question? If you want to crap on Kerry, be my guest but pick your spots more wisely in the future. If you were trying to piss me off, you succeeded.”
He: “Sorry, but you were not selective when you proffered Military Service.”
I: “Oh, I see. So I was supposed to specifically exclude every son of a bitch who ever wore a uniform? While I’m at it, since I neglected to mention I was referring to a U.S. military uniform, I suppose I should have excluded Adolf Hitler, Herman Goering, Fidel Castro and Muammar Gaddafi.”
He: “I believe we are viewing the exchange from two different points of view. I had no intention of being confrontational.”
I: “What did you think you were being when you started the ball rolling with ‘Military Service?????? You mean like John Kerry and his disgraceful collections of medals?’ I mean, did you really, really, believe I was referring to John Kerry?”
This was the latest example of people needling me or nitpicking my work for no discernible reason, but it isn’t all that rare. I suspect these people are trying to impress me, but they needn’t bother.
If you’re subscribing to my articles, you’ve already impressed me. No need to press your luck.
An example of hubris gone wild is the man who calls himself James Acosta even though his first name is Abilio. When your name is Abilio, you get to call yourself Al, not James or Jim.
He went on TV last week to announce that CNN would not carry even five minutes of President Trump’s 46 minute speech, detailing examples of voter fraud, because it was nothing but lies.
Funny, but I seem to recall that Mr. Acosta and his network (the one that has to pay airports to carry it on their TV sets simply in order to get their viewership over the 100,000 mark), had no problem letting Barack Obama tell us that under the Affordable Care Act we could keep our insurance plans and our doctors if we so chose.
God knows I’m no fashion plate, but I really resent it when Silicon Valley billionaires like Mark Zuckerburg, Jack Dorsey, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates, are dressing worse than I do. Dorsey has even gone so far as to grow a shaggy beard and pierce his face in order to pass for a homeless person. Mark, Jeff and Bill generally try to appear like typical collegians by wearing sweatshirts.
Between the four of you, you’ve got about $400 billion dollars. It’s time to flaunt it, baby! Buy a damn suit!
As you all know by now, when people make fun of old people not being up on the latest advances in technology, I know they’re not talking about me. That’s because I’m not even up on the earliest forms of technology. So it’s not just Twitter, Facebook and Google, I ignore, but telephones. I don’t like talking on them, so I don’t. Well, okay, maybe once a month.
But at least none of those tinhorn tyrants in the Silicon Valley can knock me off a platform or stop me from making money with my articles.
I don’t know if there is a resistance movement, but if there is, sign me up. Then send me an email; don’t phone.
Speaking of technology, China, Russia, North Korea and your 13-year-old nephew have all been able to hack Hillary Clinton’s private server and the Pentagon’s super duper computer but we’re being told there’s simply no way that the Democrats could manipulate those Dominion machines to screw with the election.
Let’s face it, folks, they’re once again feeding us flapdoodle and telling us it’s filet mignon.
If the people in old age facilities were really going to receive the C-19 vaccine before politicians, you can bet that people named Cuomo, Pritzker, Newsom, Garcetti, Whitmer, Durkan, Wheeler and di Blasio, would all be checking into nursing homes.
Miriam Samuels sent in a very dated, but still relevant, joke she attributes to Jay Leno: “I see that Hillary Clinton has just been voted the most admired woman in the world. Thank God they didn’t give it to that bitch, Mother Teresa.”
