Belly Laugh of the Day

“Justice Department prosecutors are nonpartisan. They don’t allow partisan considerations to play any role in their determinations.” —Attorney General Merrick Garland

Lack of Self-Awareness Award

“[Republicans] don’t have any evidence of any high crimes or misdemeanors committed by the president. They don’t even have any evidence of any low crimes or anything else. But they’re barreling ahead nonetheless to placate their crazies. But once you put the train on that tracks [sic], it becomes very difficult to stop.” —Congressman Adam Schiff (D-CA)

Circling the Wagons

“Democrats need to be resolute in supporting Joe Biden. There’s no reason not to support Joe Biden. He’s done magnificently on behalf of this country. So shut up, and just get behind him the way you should. And be there enthusiastically.” —Congresswoman Bonnie Watson Coleman (D-NJ)

“[Republicans are] filing a motion … to expel a member who, in a moment of panic, was trying to escape a vestibule? Give me a break!” —Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) regarding Jamaal Bowman, who willfully pulled a fire alarm

The BIG Lie

“I don’t know why this has gotten so much attention. I was literally just in a rush to go vote, man. That’s all it was.” —Congressman Jamaal Bowman (D-NY)

Baghdad Bob

“The president, without the help — without the help — of Republicans, is doing everything that he can to deal with the border.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

“We’re trying to do everything that we can to make sure that we deal with what’s going on at the border.” —Karine Jean-Pierre

“The president — everything that he has put forward … deals with lowering the deficit.” —Karine Jean-Pierre

Swampthink

“We think Bidenomics is clearly working.” —Council of Economic Advisers Chairman Jared Bernstein

Demagogue

“We passed gun safety legislation for the first time in 30 years. Why? Because we believe that we should do something about the gun violence epidemic in the United States of America with the fierce urgency of now, and not, as some of my colleagues want to do, unleash weapons of war that are not used to hunt deer; they’re used to hunt human beings and shred children.” —House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY)

For the Record

“Speaker McCarthy had the no-win option of presiding over a so-called government ‘shutdown’ or extending the bloated Biden-Pelosi budget Republicans inherited. The option of allowing the government to ‘shut down’ would have been pinned on Republicans. While not true, it would have been a sticky claim since Republicans couldn’t even reach an agreement with themselves, let alone President Biden and the Democrats. Speaker McCarthy made the right decision. The calls to replace him are nonsensical and counterproductive.” —Tony Perkins

“California governor Gavin Newsom announced that he has picked Laphonza Butler, president of the pro-abortion political action committee EMILY’s List, to fill the Senate seat left vacant by the late Dianne Feinstein. Newsom’s appointment of Butler is equivalent to a Republican governor’s filling a Senate vacancy with the president of the NRA.” —John McCormack

Upright

“Every parent has a right to know what their child is hearing and reading in school.” —Senator Tim Scott (R-SC)

And Last…

“One of the painfully sobering realizations that come from reading history is the utter incompetence that is possible among leaders of whole nations and empires — and the blind faith that such leaders can nevertheless inspire among the people who are enthralled by their words or their posturing.” —Thomas Sowell